Life goes on ......

We received some sad news during the week - a friend and work colleague died - she was only 35 and leaves 2 young children grieving for their mum. Her death came as a complete surprise, none of us even knew she was ill and it seemed to happened very quickly - in the space of about 6 weeks.


Sudden deaths seem very hard to cope with - I am not stating this as if in competition with those who have to suffer a long, lingering, drawn out death - or any kind of death - as all are equally distressing for those left behind. BUT sudden deaths bring that shock factor as well - no time for preparation or chance to say your goodbyes. 


So we (my daughters also worked with her) have been reminiscing, about when we first met her, about me babysitting for her children, about them all going to Zumba (and with Danny's girlfriend too) etc. We also were recalling what we were doing as she lay in her bed at St John's Hospice - it is a surreal experience to be thinking about "what you were doing when............" if a friend may be ill or close to death and yet you may not be aware ......


Then Jess recalled what Grandy said after Mark died - that for those who were closest to the deceased - they just "go through the motions" of each day - you get up - you get dressed - you carry on with some sort of routine but it doesn't feel real.


Yet EVERYONE ELSE is just going about their daily business as normal ........ or so it seems and feels.


I can remember walking out of the door to the flat ...... walking down the road with Dan & Gina in the buggy, with Jess walking beside me ........ in complete desolation ........ thinking that life will NEVER be the same again - how could I ever actually feel "normal" again. Yet other people were walking too, chatting with their walking companions, rushing about to get to wherever they were going, not knowing that I felt like a ghost ....... walking mechanically/automatically .....  carrying my grief.


BUT I was not alone, I did not have sole ownership of grief for Mark and everyone who knew him was with me ... grieving too and supporting me and the children. I know my grief would have been stronger than some others but we were all closely linked in that one common denominator of knowing and loving someone who has died.


So my message to go to our friend's family is that of course right now, it is raw and painful and feels like the end of your world (and for the children in some ways it is as their whole lifestyle may well change).


However, I can ..... no ..... WE can (and I mean all of us family and friends of someone who may have died too young) reassure them that at some point you do realise that life DOES go on ........ in a different way ....... 


For us (my children and I and probably some other members of the family) our lives are divided into 2 parts ........ before August 1993 and after August 1993! 


I listen to songs on the radio and think - was that before or after? .......... I watch films on the TV and think .... was that before or after? ........ and even talking to the kids they also separate the years - was that before or after ? ......... 


Yes ..... life goes on for those of us left behind and can be filled with fun and laughter and all the "normal" frustrations that life entails - so you can have hope that you will not feel this bad for all time ....... but in the meantime .....


Rest In Peace Chantelle and our thoughts and prayers go out to your family !