Jinxed Sunday

So far today my poor DAH (Delinquent Annoying Husband) has not had a good day ..... in fact I think for him the day has been jinxed !


We got up reasonably early for a Sunday - he was up about 8ish and I followed about 9ish. He had intended to cook a full English breakfast for us all (himself, me and his son) but, being the rubbish wife that I am, I had used the eggs baking rock cakes yesterday and had forgotten to take the bacon out of the freezer. We also had no sausages and he had finished of the bread the night before so BASICALLY - he gave up on cooking brekkie. 


However, he offered to take us out for breakfast and then asked for suggestions on where to go !


We had already decided that we needed to do a little shopping today - we needed some special light bulbs (for my weird lights in the living room) - we needed to get a new pond pump - and Greg wanted to get a new coffee machine. To my mind that meant 3 locations - Sam's Home Care (our local hardware/garden place), if they didn't do the pond pump then we would have to pop to Seasons (a local garden centre) - and for the coffee machine, probably Sainsburys. 


Soooo ..... my first suggestion was to have a Sainsburys breakfast - its basic but actually quite nice - you get "what it says on the tin" ! 


Then I realised that Sainsburys in Kempston does not open until 11am - strike that one off the list ! We decided to perhaps go to Seasons to see if they did brekkie and if they didn't we would pop to Tesco's instead.


Our journey began just after 10am - Sam's Home Care was successful - we got the light bulbs but they did not do pond pumps (we had anticipated this) so we were happy with the first "stop off"


Off to Seasons ...... we got there at about 10.30 ...... they do not open until 11am ..... do we hang around ... OR ... do we get our breakfast & coffee machine & then go back for the pump ??? We decided we would come back ......... off to ONE of the big Tesco's in our local area ........ they did not open until 11am either !! 


OK - well that was still another 20mins so we decided to carry on as we were close to a carvery that served unlimited breakfast .....mmmmm .......  we parked the car and wandered in.


On requesting a seat we were informed that breakfast had just finished ....... at 10.30am !!! 


Arrgghh - we were getting hungry and desperate ....... thankfully the carvery was next door to the Hungry Horse - no problem ..... we will eat there as we KNOW they do ALL DAY breakfast ......... we popped next door ........................................ only to find them SHUT until 11.30am !!!!!


Sunday trading hours were driving us MAD !


I suggested that, as it was nearly 11am anyway, we could go to the OTHER Tesco's (which we were closest to, at this point) and hang about for 5 mins till they opened. 


We reached the car park to see it VERY full - would you believe it - THEY open at 10am ......so we could have gone there first !!! After nearly an hour and 20 miles covered ..... we finally sat down to eat ...... and it was OK - certainly value for money!


We thought while we were there we would look for the coffee maker - none available of the type Greg wanted . We were a little disappointed as we thought Tesco's would have stocked this item but were not overly bothered as we had initially seen the item in Sainsburys on-line. So we headed to the other Sainsburys - the one in Bedford not Kempston.


Grrrrrrr - we got there to find that they too had opened at 10am so we COULD have had brekkie there !!! Even MORE grrrr - they did NOT have the coffee machine we wanted in stock at the moment !!!! 


At this point I was laughing and could not believe that to have breakfast & get the 3 items we wanted had taken us over an hour so far and we had ONLY just achieved success with breakfast & one item !


Off to the retail park and Argos - they would be the saviour - we enthusiastically entered the shop - we could get the pond pump AND the coffee maker here .......... we found them both in the catalogue - I entered the catalogue number for the pond pump into the "in stock" machine ............. NOT CURRENTLY IN STOCK !!!!!! ............................I entered the number for the coffee machine ......................NOT CURRENTLY IN STOCK!


Greg was beginning to think there was a conspiracy against him ....... not to worry - we were at the Retail Park and could pop into Pets at Home for the Pond Pump ................................... 


"No sorry sir we don't do pond fish equipment here - just things for aquarium fish" 


Greg's son and I were absolutely falling about laughing !!!!!


BACK to the garden centre ................. Seasons ................ YEAH we got a pond pump (although I was not sure it was the right size but by this point I did not want to jinx it any further).


All that was left now (after 2 and a half hours) was the coffee machine - CURRYS would do it - - - - - - off to another Retail park  " No sorry sir ....................................."


Greg was now at the end of his rope - he said ONE more place - Comet - ................................


"No. Sorry sir ...................!"


He gave up .......... and bought a slightly different make - probably just as good and even better ... a little cheaper too!


Greg's son and I simply suggested that when we finally got home that he do nothing else for the rest of the day as that too would obviously be jinxed !!!


And I quietly thought to myself ......................... I would have ordered the pond pump and coffee machine on-line, saving the confusion of Sunday trading hours and saving nearly 30 miles of petrol and 3 hours of traipsing around ............... 


Although truth be known - it was actually quite fun !!!!!

Are you Mom enough ???

Arrgghhhhh !


For those who haven't seen this yet ....... just grrrrrrrrr. http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20120521,00.html


Number one moan is the American spelling of MOM - yes I know its an American magazine but ...... honestly .....!


Then ..... onto the implication behind the cover picture. That you are only "Mom enough" if you breastfeed your child until aged 3 plus!!!


Let's get this clear - I am not against breastfeeding ..... who could be ..... and I am not against breastfeeding until the child is a little older, whatever each Mum feels is best or are comfortable with ........ 


What I am against is the constant knocking and almost militant oppression that seems to be aimed at those Mum's who don't breastfeed!


It REALLY REALLY bugs me!


That cover title implies that unless you can breastfeed until your child is a toddler - 
you are NOT Mum enough.


How does whether you can or cannot ...... or choose or choose not ..... to breastfeed affect whether you are a good enough mother  ??


I support those who breastfeed in their campaign to be able to feed in certain public places, I support the argument that there may not be enough midwives to help encourage Mum's to breastfeed and I support the undeniable fact that "breast is best"


So why do some of these Mum's (and yes it is not just journalists but some Mum's too) feel that they can judge and "attack" those of us who decided NOT to breastfeed? 


Jess was born a month early and was not able to suckle as she was quite a low weight - I struggled to feed her for 10 days ... during which she lost weight - even though at one point the midwives in hospital were effectively asking me to force feed her every 2 hours! 


We left hospital after 10 days and thankfully my midwife through the local Dr's surgery was a really pragmatic lady and could see Jess and I were struggling. She informed me that Jess would be just as healthy & probably happier if she was put on the bottle. This would ease my stress and enable Mark to help me feed her AND allow her to feed easier therefore putting on the weight that she needed. 


Thus - when Gina & Dan were born I had no problems putting them on the bottle - none of them were "fat" babies (often used as an argument to NOT bottle feed) and we all bonded well - including their Dad !


I will mention that I and my brothers were also all bottle fed babies !


And I will also mention that my grandson was struggling to feed - as he had a viral infection when born - Jess was worrying that she was not able to feed him properly. Thankfully she too had some sensible advice from the midwives to reassure her that her decision to stop worrying and put him on the bottle was a good one!


I had many friends who breastfed and some who bottle fed and none of us seemed to have any issue about this at all. 


Strangely enough, the one time when I was put under pressure and made to feel that I had "failed" my children was during a Uni session. It was during the Anti-Oppressive Module !!!!


The tutor, a lovely lady, was/used to be a nurse ... or health visitor or similar. In one of her explanations of "oppression" she was using the examples of how some women were trying to breast-feed in a child friendly cafe but other customers complained and eventually the owner asked them to leave or at least stop feeding. I was completely sympathetic with this incident and felt she was giving a good explanation ...... until she began to vent her anger at those who instigated the incident and, or so it seemed to me, against any mother who did not breastfeed. 


I actually felt so uncomfortable that I did not challenge her - I did not remind her that some people, for whatever reason, couldn't breastfeed...... but even that should not be used as an "excuse" and that it is perfectly OK for some people to simply CHOOSE not to breastfeed. End of.


I recall saying to my fellow student sitting next to me "yep..... now I GET how someone can be oppressive with just words ....cos I have not felt able to stand up for myself and other Mum's who choose to bottle feed!"


So ..... TIME magazine, please choose your words carefully - maybe you did ... and did this on purpose to ignite the controversy ... and if so I have joined in!


Why make someone feel "less of a Mum" because of how a baby is fed? Whether we have a choice or not - does it really matter whether you have or have not breast-fed ? 


In my humble opinion - NO.

Life goes on ......

We received some sad news during the week - a friend and work colleague died - she was only 35 and leaves 2 young children grieving for their mum. Her death came as a complete surprise, none of us even knew she was ill and it seemed to happened very quickly - in the space of about 6 weeks.


Sudden deaths seem very hard to cope with - I am not stating this as if in competition with those who have to suffer a long, lingering, drawn out death - or any kind of death - as all are equally distressing for those left behind. BUT sudden deaths bring that shock factor as well - no time for preparation or chance to say your goodbyes. 


So we (my daughters also worked with her) have been reminiscing, about when we first met her, about me babysitting for her children, about them all going to Zumba (and with Danny's girlfriend too) etc. We also were recalling what we were doing as she lay in her bed at St John's Hospice - it is a surreal experience to be thinking about "what you were doing when............" if a friend may be ill or close to death and yet you may not be aware ......


Then Jess recalled what Grandy said after Mark died - that for those who were closest to the deceased - they just "go through the motions" of each day - you get up - you get dressed - you carry on with some sort of routine but it doesn't feel real.


Yet EVERYONE ELSE is just going about their daily business as normal ........ or so it seems and feels.


I can remember walking out of the door to the flat ...... walking down the road with Dan & Gina in the buggy, with Jess walking beside me ........ in complete desolation ........ thinking that life will NEVER be the same again - how could I ever actually feel "normal" again. Yet other people were walking too, chatting with their walking companions, rushing about to get to wherever they were going, not knowing that I felt like a ghost ....... walking mechanically/automatically .....  carrying my grief.


BUT I was not alone, I did not have sole ownership of grief for Mark and everyone who knew him was with me ... grieving too and supporting me and the children. I know my grief would have been stronger than some others but we were all closely linked in that one common denominator of knowing and loving someone who has died.


So my message to go to our friend's family is that of course right now, it is raw and painful and feels like the end of your world (and for the children in some ways it is as their whole lifestyle may well change).


However, I can ..... no ..... WE can (and I mean all of us family and friends of someone who may have died too young) reassure them that at some point you do realise that life DOES go on ........ in a different way ....... 


For us (my children and I and probably some other members of the family) our lives are divided into 2 parts ........ before August 1993 and after August 1993! 


I listen to songs on the radio and think - was that before or after? .......... I watch films on the TV and think .... was that before or after? ........ and even talking to the kids they also separate the years - was that before or after ? ......... 


Yes ..... life goes on for those of us left behind and can be filled with fun and laughter and all the "normal" frustrations that life entails - so you can have hope that you will not feel this bad for all time ....... but in the meantime .....


Rest In Peace Chantelle and our thoughts and prayers go out to your family !

Men's excuses to avoid the washing up !!!

Saturday morning and I am faced with a huge pile of washing up .....again!


Now I know my husband works a longer "working hour" week than me and my son is a typical teenager who avoids any housework possible BUT this happens EVERY Saturday.


I vow to myself at the beginning of each week that I will NOT be the only one to do the washing up ....... and by mid week I give in ..... otherwise there would be no cutlery or cooking utensils left in the kitchen!


My darling husband - always seems to use EVERY single cooking utensil available - and when it's not available (because it is probably dirty) he will not wash it up but find a viable alternative .....thus adding to MY washing up pile.


My son - collects mugs, plates, knives and forks all week - (maybe he thinks that's how it works?) ..... and then brings the collected items down at the weekend - with any left over gravy, baked bean juice or similar stuck like super-glue to the plate.


Now .......this then brings me to their main scam for NOT washing up - Greg initiated this and Danny caught on very quickly!


They decide that, as the "stuff" is stuck on ..... they will put it "in soak".......... So they run the water until scaldingly hot .... stick all the crockery and cutlery they can fit in, into the sink with the hot water and then shout out to me ..........


"Don't put your hands in the water - its too hot!" 


As if to inform me that they have DONE their bit ! I wait ....... patiently ....... hoping that once the water has cooled down I might venture into the kitchen to find one of them actually washing up ...... but to no avail!


So almost every Saturday morning I am faced with the washing up from Danny's room, some remnants from the week before (mugs and plates that may have been left in the living room) and whatever Greg has used from Friday night (the kids and I do Fish n chips with Mum, but as Greg doesn't often finish work on time he declines and always treats himself to some form of strong. smelly. spicy. hot. food)!


And it usually takes me 3 "sessions" to clear all the mess that is left  - honestly !


So although I keep saying that we don't need a dishwasher - I am seriously considering it


 .......although you just know it will be ONLY me who fills it and empties it !!!!