Elizabeth Bennett

I now have a new job - well at least I will do, when it starts in January. I am thrilled, excited and a little daunted by the prospect of starting again ! However this organisation is a charity and one with a cause close to my heart, so I am sure I will love it !

The interesting thing about the interview though, was a brilliant question the panel posed. 

"If you could be a fictional character - who would you be ?"

Now this stumped me for a few seconds and apparently, equally stumped some of the other candidates too. 

You can prepare all you like for an interview - everyone rehearses the usual "What would you say are your strengths/weaknesses?" This however, was a question you could not really rehearse - it HAD to come from the heart and I am so glad I was asked it.

I paused for a few seconds and all sorts of characters came into my head - mostly dominated by Disney characters and even (for goodness sake) Sofia the First  - all courtesy of my grandchildren's viewing habits !

However, I gathered my thoughts and then announced that of course - this was actually a fairly easy one to answer. 

Since I first read Pride and Prejudice at school, it has been and always will be... my friend (Star Trek reference there) It is the only book that I have read over and over and over again - at least a dozen times - and I really do not tire of it! When I am having a "bad" patch I will often drag it out of my bedside cabinet (the ONLY book in there) and re-read a chapter or 2. OR, if I have the time, I indulge in the whole book. It is such an easy read too - filled with a sense of fun and yet a wonderful, romantic story. I am such a fan, I recently visited Jane Austen's house in Chawton.

I have watched the TV series, more than once and of course the 2005 film (although that did not quite do it justice) but I did buy the DVD and have seen that more than once too.

Elizabeth Bennett is the character I chose. Intelligent, spirited, yet bound by the propriety of the time. Jane Austen's heroine has all the qualities I wish I had - and perhaps strive to have - integrity, a clear analytical mind, observant of social interactions going on around her and yet still, with a great sense humour and of family loyalty.

No, sadly, I do not possess all of these qualities - but am more than happy to wish that I was Elizabeth Bennett - and lets face it - she bags the hero at the end !

But even more so because, it probably helped in clinching the job! 

In the interview, 2 of the panel laughed - and agreed with me that both of them had also chosen Elizabeth Bennett, as the fictional character they would most like to be !

What a testament to a great writer !!!

Tucked safely in my heart

Well I think that is the longest break I have had from posting between blogs ....... I do have a few excuses - birthdays, changes to my job, meaning I am job hunting (AGAIN!) and that we have been away to sunny Menorca for a well deserved and wonderful break.

So I do apologise and will get back into the swing of things (with a lighter tone as well) now.

Having started writing about some of my darker moments, actually reminds me of how lucky I am now .... it is a cliché, but so true, that it is in these moments of despair you realise just how blessed you are with family and friends.

Then you are able to take comfort when you come out the other side and appreciate things. Most of us, at some point, are able to reach that acceptance ..... and  learn to live, laugh and love again ....

Denial

Everyone grieves differently - but it is widely acknowledged that there are 5 stages that run as a common thread to those recently bereaved. These 5 stages are;

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Not everyone will experience all of these or even, on each occasion of individual grief - you have different people within your life who will die at different stages of their lives, causing you to grieve differently for them !

Also, many will experience these stages in different orders and some stages may come back more than once, to hit you sometimes years after that beloved person has died. 

I did not fully discover the theoretical impact of grief until I finished my degree, 17 years after Mark had died ..... and then, many, many things began to make sense and fell into place !

I know now, for me, that those first few days were dominated by denial, but this is so difficult to explain. Of course I knew the facts - I knew he was dead and not coming back so it wasn't a concious denial. However, as I mentioned in a previous post, it is almost as if the brain is protecting the heart ..... allowing only a slip of information through at a time, so that it doesn't all hit you at once. 

This denial holds you in a bubble - a hazy world, where everything is happening around you and even with you ..... but you don't feel connected.

Some of the practical processes of bereavement help deal with it, in a drip-feed manner. 

I was in denial - yet I cried a lot ..... I was in denial - yet I phoned all the friends and family to tell them the news. 

That Thursday morning was so hard - but I was on automatic pilot - someone (most likely my Mum) had stated that "we will have to let other people know" ... Mark's friends and mine, wider family members and those who had worked with Mark.

So I picked up the phone and just started dialling ...... number after number ..... friend after friend. 

I have a HUGE apology to make here because in fact, I had no sense of time or place. I had no realisation of the impact the news would have on our friends and family and was literally just phoning many of them ...even those who were at work ......what an awful thing to do ...... dropping that bombshell on someone when they are working - but that is Denial - not really thinking it through - just acting automatically.

On calling one friend (the one who's birthday it had been on the Wednesday), she immediately came over with her partner and took the children to the park, allowing me the time to do the rest of the phone calls - she recognised that this was not something you can do with a 4 year old and 2 year old running around .......... and that was the how my wonderful friends and family progressed and acted throughout the next few years - maybe not everyone thought they knew what to say or do but they all just instinctively did what was needed at the time!

Yet this practical aspect of ringing round was part of the drip-feed process - of repeating the same statement ...... getting the horror of what has just happened through to me.

Another practical aspect is identifying the body. I actually cannot remember even being asked to identify him and I think perhaps the police thought it best if I didn't because I was young, with 3 little ones, and probably looked a bit fragile. OR maybe I was asked and just blanked this from my thoughts/memory, as not being able to cope with this part of the process

Mark's Dad identified him and for several years afterwards I yo-yo'd between being angry that it wasn't me, upset that someone else had done this and grateful that I didn't have to do it. I am settled now on the grateful part and realise how hard this must have been for his Dad. 

So, without having to identify the body and leave the flat,  Mum and I spent the day cocooned - in our bubble world - in a state of shock and also limbo ..... I could not think further than the next 15 minutes and I don't think Mum could either !

The drip feeding continued throughout the day - seeing the crash reported on the news and a tiny article ("hold the press" - with very little information at this point) in the local paper.

Denial - being faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept so you reject it instead, not wanting to believe it - despite the overwhelming evidence. 

That was me - not wanting to even begin to believe it - because then it would be true ..... and Mark would be dead and I would actually have to start to deal with that.

That Night

To go back to my post "This Day" ...... I will continue where I left off. 

WPC Richards suggested I call someone to sit with me. Of course that was my Mum and Dad ... I called Dad and think I even apologised for the lateness of the call (I was still not accepting what had happened) Mum and Dad were hosting an Extraordinary Events Committee Meeting (a Church Group that organised fund raisers) so the Vicar was with them. 

I can't recall how I told my Dad, what I actually said .... but I was still calm - actually still being quite brilliant with Jess - because of course my brain was protecting my heart ...... I was most definitely numb.

Then Mum, Dad, the Vicar and my brother and his fiancée arrived. There was a lot of discussion, soul searching, condolences and comforting. I was still doing OK ...I cried even ..... but the brain really is remarkable in providing this cushioning effect .......

However, the body isn't as efficient ..... oh no ... there was no fooling my internal processes .... after about half an hour when everyone but my Mum had gone ....... I exploded - literally !

I purged myself completely .... both ends (too much information?)

I could not stop throwing up ...... not your normal, everyday sickness but just constant and violently emptying my stomach until I was heaving with nothing coming out - as I said before, that "punch to the stomach feeling" was real - I am sure there is a medical term for it and it is related to shock but needless to say - I WAS  a complete mess - my stomach was reacting !!!

My Mum took over and was the heroine of the night (and many days and nights afterwards) She was obviously concerned for me because she had seen me sick many times before but not like this ... I cannot describe how different this was ... but she knew it was, so called the doctor for out of hours help .... but no-one was available

I was actually quite glad about that later on because it would have been too easy to take a pill and forget ... and that's how addiction can start !

So she took over with Jess - she sorted out Daniel (who had his jabs Wednesday morning so was having a bad night) - she left me in the bathroom a sobbing, heaving wreck, as she could do nothing for me but place a duvet over me to keep me warm 

She did all this, while dealing with her own shock and grief for Mark's death. While being seriously worried for her daughter and while being concerned for her grandchildren. She calmed Jessica to sleep and was just an absolute rock !

I don't remember much more about that night - I do recall telling myself over and over again like a mantra that he would not have felt any pain because it was instant - that there was no point in getting angry (one of those 5 stages of grief you go through) and that I had to cling on to my memory of the day - those moments I mentioned in my "This Day" blog - as they would be so important to me to remember how he was and how happy we actually were ...... on that last day.

I did sleep eventually - I really don't know how and it all became a blur ----- I think at one point I did end up downstairs with Jessica.....  but I cannot even remember waking up as such ..... I just "came to" on the bathroom floor ...with a duvet wrapped around me.

As I woke ...... I heard Mum ........... downstairs sorting the kids out - getting breakfast - and giving the best sort of support possible - letting me get on with it but being there to guide, advise, prompt and be practical with the kids. Keeping everything as normal as possible for them - so we could brace ourselves for the long, hard road ahead.

Health Warning

My last post prompted several comments on facebook. All were lovely, supportive and caring. Most of them actually made me cry, feeling blessed to have such good friends and family.

One friend in particular mentioned that she had read the blog at work and it had bought a tear to her eye. That prompted me to state I should put up a "Health Warning" before my next few posts ...... as I do intend to continue with the immediate aftermath of the impact of Mark's death ..... not just on me and the children ..... but on others who took that journey of grief.

Now ... part of this warning is to say to everyone whom I love ....DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME!

I am fine ...... I am not wallowing, not looking for sympathy, not unduly sad. In fact - it is precisely because I AM OK .... that I can now write this.

I had always intended to write at some point about the experience .... awful as it was/is. I wrote my diary during the grieving process and had done this partly to express myself in a cathartic way and also to pass on the experience. This is not a new experience - even at school, there was a girl in the year above me who's Mum died when she was 5 - and my best friend for several years - Debbie - had an older and younger sister who were around the same age as my children, when their Dad died

However, in my case, to get a perspective ... you need to understand that this was 20 years ago.

There was no Road Victims Trust, no Victim Support, no CHUMS (Child Bereavement Service), no Widowed and Young, AND NO INTERNET. Even mobile phones were still referred to as car phones and, at the time of the accident, only one of the 6 people travelling with Mark had a car-phone! So my grief and that of those around me was quite insular - we could not "look up" the 5 stages of grief on the internet to see if what/how we were feeling was "normal" (NOT that there is a "normal" process to grief). 

I did at one point call Bedford CRUISE bereavement care ......... they were unable to help ...... not that I could blame them ....they were a community of older widows supporting each other with coffee mornings and events relating to those of retirement age. They sent a lovely lady who must have been around 70 to sit with me one morning ....... she chatted with me about some of the feelings I may come to experience but, after about half an hour with the children running around us, she said "I am so sorry my love ..... I just don't have the words to say to help you and your children"

So that was that !

Nowadays I could join some of the support groups like WaY (Widowed and Young) or ask CHUMS for advice or guidance with the children ...or generally just do a Google search and I am sure I would find some online source of help or information. NOT that this lessens any of the grief. I would still be distraught. BUT what it perhaps would have done would have been to have relieved those who were "caring" for us. 

One of the best healers is talking. Talking it through out loud. Talking about the event. Talking about how unfair it all is. Talking about your anger. Talking about how you are going to cope.

Thankfully I had such fantastic family and friends they were all there for me, but others may not be in that position and the new groups I mentioned can be of some help. . 

Another healer is humour ..... yes even in grief .... humour really can release the stress ...... and again ... I had the sort of friends and family that found humour in the weirdest places and the strangest things that kept us all sane (like my Granny being so angry she wanted to kick a cat ...and no ...she would not have actually done it ...it was just the way my Mum told me that had us in stitches!). 

The children also need to simply continue with as much "normality" as possible - and again - friends and family would take them to the park, take them out for a day trip or just keep them occupied for me while I did some of the awful paperwork or bureaucratic stuff that comes with the death of a spouse.

So ... like I say .... the next 3, 4 maybe 5 posts will be about Mark and that fateful day. 

It has clouded my life but it has not kept the sunshine away .......... I am happily re-married (although Greg frequently drives me nuts  but he says that's his job !) I am negotiating the new path of being a Nana and nearly empty nester (as some of my blogs note) and let's face it - most people's lives have equally been clouded with some event that has caused distress and pain - divorce, the death of parents, illness, money worries, job security worries.

We all have our crosses to bear and I am glad that I was able to bear this cross, with all the support I had ... because if not ..... I would not have been the one married to Mark ..... and having our children and  the 10 years I had with him ...... were worth it all.

This day .......

Today is the Wednesday before the August Bank Holiday. 20 years ago this date was the 25th August. My life was very different then .... as I'm sure many of my readers lives were .... 20 years is a long time.

We lived in a 1 bedroomed flat, an old Victorian home with old sash windows ... so old you could stick your finger through the gaps. In the Winter the wind howled through and it was bitterly cold. The damp in the bedroom had made the wallpaper peel away (with a little help from tiny fingers, encouraging the peeling once it started!) Jessica was 4 years and 3 months old, Georgina was 12 days away from being 2 and Dan ..... was just 4 months.

On the weekend before this day, we had finally got round to getting a sofa-bed for Mark and I to sleep on, in the living room, to make a little more room in that bedroom for the children to have a play area. We had managed with a double bed, 2 single beds and a cot ... along with wardrobes, chest of drawers and a vanity unit for too long - once we could get the double bed out of there it would be a room for the children. Mark also surprised me with a kitten that weekend .... Figaro was welcomed into the family with open hearts!

The day was very similar to today ...... beautiful sunshine .... fresh in the morning and a hint of Autumn in the air. It was our friend's birthday and we had popped to see her earlier in the day - she was celebrating that night with a picnic with the "new" man in her life and had told Mark she would not be going to the usual skittles night. Mark was captain of the local skittles team and tonight was a match within the local league.

I did not go to the matches these days .... I was a young Mum, 28 years old and frankly ..... exhausted ! I could not imagine getting myself ready to go out at that point in time - I usually ended up with baby sick/milk or poop somewhere or other over me and Dan was still having 4 hourly feeds - so I was not getting a great deal of sleep ...... along with also being entertainments manager, climbing frame, chef, waitress etc for a 4 year old and 2 year old ...... so I was quite happy to be left at home with the children, while Mark did his thing.

At about 7pm Mark took the bins out and went to the local shop to get himself some cigarettes - I knew he would bring me back a Flake too, as he always did. I heard the doorbell go and thought he had forgotten his keys ...so ran downstairs to find him standing with a huge grin, a boxful of ice-creams and an ice-cream 99 in each hand! (we lived next door to an ice-cream van service - they had some spares and knew our children and us fairly well so just handed Mark the end of the day box!)

We ate the 99's and then he kissed me goodbye. He was on a high, in a happy frame of mind as things had started to turn around for him, after over a year unemployed. He had got through an aptitude test for a programming course and (other than our ever present money worries) we were enthusiastic about our future!

A couple of hours later I had settled the children, fed baby Dan and I made myself comfortable on the sofa, with Figaro on my lap, eating the Flake that, of course, Mark had bought me from the shop. I was watching "Windmills of the Gods" - funny how a nondescript TV mini-series has just stuck in my memory - it was after 10pm ...... then the doorbell rang .....................................

You just know ......... yet you don't want to know ........ the policeman and policewoman asked to come in ........ "Let's go and sit down" ..... I told them our living room was upstairs "Let's go upstairs then" ....... 

That was the longest climb of my life. 

Something's happened ....... hope Mum and Dad are OK ..... or Phil or John ....... but hang on ...they asked if I was Mrs Jane Goodwin ...... oh maybe it's one of my friends ...... could it be one of Mark's family ?

All the time knowing EXACTLY what they were going to say but not once allowing my mind - my heart - to acknowledge it.

They had rung the doorbell so hard that they had woken Jessica - I am not sure how it must have been for a distraught 4 year old peeking through the stair-rail ....... but she later told me she thought they had come to arrest me - so had snuck out of bed to find out what was happening.

They had sat me down ........ and then they told me ....... it is physical .....it is an actual punch to the stomach.

You know that movie special effect where they zoom out and zoom back in again ........ that happened ..... I felt very, very cold.

Then they asked if I wanted to call anyone. 

The first words out of my mouth ...... after being told my husband had been killed in a car crash were " I have to go and wash up ...... there will be lots of people coming round"

I was totally in denial - choosing something boring and everyday to focus on rather than face the awful truth.

Then I realised Jessica was up  - I took her in my arms and explained that daddy was dead, that he died instantly and was not hurting and that he was in heaven. I somehow remained calm, I guess because it didn't seem real, I was reassuring, I held her close as she cried and told her that I would teach her to make toasted cheese sandwiches when she was older as she always said Daddy was best at making them.

........ and then I told her that we would get through this ... it would be a long hard journey but we had each other, Gina and Dan ...our family and lots and lots of friends ..... it might be slow but we would do it ...... we would take it 2 steps forward .............. 

Empty Nesting (again)

I have touched on this subject a couple of times and am grateful that the position of Danny, sometimes being at home but often staying at his girlfriend Nicki's for 2/3 nights at a go, is making the full transition easier!

I do not know if it would be different if my children had stayed at home for longer - you do expect them to leave home at some point ..... I think both my girls left fairly early on and both very close (time-wise) together.

I do not want my girls to feel at all bad when they read this - I am just writing about some of the feelings it provokes - the positive and the negative - so maybe others who stumble across this can be prepared. Although in reality, there should be NOTHING to prepare for ... lets face it - this goes on generation after generation and actually it is one of those occasions where we should all "just get on with it"          BUT - it does create a feeling slightly akin to grief - the loss and occasionally even loneliness - that is something I was not really aware of or prepared for.

It is the summer holidays and I work term time only, so of course it may be that I have noticed this more this last couple of weeks. I know - the easy answer would be to find a job that was NOT term time only but hang on .... I actually love the holidays ... and always have done - so that's not happening !

Anyway - I digress - As I have mentioned before, I have never had an issue with being alone - am usually quite happy with my own company and can always pick up a book/watch a film or find something to amuse myself with. However, before the girls left there was always SOMETHING going on in the house - noise, music playing, food being cooked in the kitchen, someone rushing around chatting on their phones, friends in and out of the house. This general busyness seems to be what is missing and YES the quietness has it's plus points but you really don't appreciate how quickly you miss it.

I worked with an older lady a few years ago who suffered from depression after her 2 children had moved out of her home. I can remember trying to be sympathetic but actually not having any appreciation at all of how she had failed to adjust and how this was affecting her. In fact I was a little dismissive (as I am not known for my patience in these kind of situations) ! 

I wish I had given her more of my time and listened to her fears more !

Luckily - none of the factors that affected her have hit me in the same way but many I have touched upon.

I recall her saying that she felt a loss of purpose in her life (yes ...I can now see that ...not fully as I still have many other things in my life but there is that sense of loss). She felt that her feelings were not acknowledged (oops - that would have included me) and yet now ...even though my feelings are not as great as hers obviously were .... I can also see that we don't acknowledge this chapter of our lives very well. She worked in a school and was a part timer so had a lot of time with her children (sounds familiar) and her sense of identity was wrapped up in them so her loneliness on coming home from her work was very strong. 

I too can identify with that - I have worked part-time and even when the kids have not been around I would have plenty to do just picking up after them and felt their "presence" all around the house. This has decreased as now it is only Dan (well ...and Greg) who leave their stuff all over the place ... and yet even that is diminished as Dan has become a little tidier and more aware of putting his stuff at least in his room !

The one thing I can gladly say I did not identify with, was her concerns about her children in the "Big Wide World". Whether her concerns were linked to her depression and anxiety I cannot say as I am no medical practitioner BUT she was constantly worried that they would not cope with life - financially, emotionally and practically - that they would "fail" and it would be a reflection on her somehow ...... As far as I know they were perfectly fine and one thing I can say is that I believe I was pretty tough with my 3 in preparing them for independence - they all had allowances at a young age to learn how to manage their money and they all had chores and responsibilities that hopefully gave them some idea of managing themselves (OK - so I never really taught them to cook .... my bad !)

But maybe the biggest challenge is to embrace it - to accept that you are going to have times where you just miss them being around - and to establish a different type of relationship with your child ...... NOW finally you can dislodge the parenting mantle (it will never leave completely) and enter that stage of friendship and respect for your child, accepting that the choices they make will more than likely be different to yours but that they are now adults and simply CAN make them.

On the positive side - boy do I have free time on my hands - I realise why I was so skinny when younger as I was always running around after them ! I have not yet fully discovered what to do with the free time and that is part of my new challenge.

So yes - I am occasionally sad when I look at a picture or sort out some old stuff that has my children's handiwork in it ..... but I am happy for them .... as I should be ... and I can acknowledge that I need to make adjustments to my life in the new role as Nana rather than Mum .... and just accept those moments of loss and look forward to the increase in "me" time, time with Greg and time to do what I REALLY want to do (Which I still haven't figured out yet - but will keep you posted) !

Favourite Films

Continuing with the "list" theme - here is my list of favourite films.

I am no major film critic and have a very wide range of genres that I watch - in fact there are some fairly odd combinations here ranging from extremely popular to a few "cult" types. I have missed out Star Trek ..... and Sky Captain and some others as although I really liked them my main criteria was "would I watch again and again"

I have also not yet included some I would like to see - and there are still a few !

Only 60 + on this list too so not quite as laborious as the 100 and have done in alphabetical order as I would find it quite hard with some of them to actually position - I'd have about 8 number 1's !!!!

6th Sense

Along Came a Spider

American Tail (Fieval)

An Officer and a Gentleman

Avatar

Big Trouble in Little China

Blood Diamonds

Bone Collector

Bourne Trilogy

Breakfast Club

Cool Runnings

Die Hard

Dirty Dancing

Dogma

Educating Rita

Erin Brokovitch

Fallen

Ferris Buellers Day Off

Forrest Gump

Full Monty

Gladiator

Heat

Hercules (Disney)

High Plains Drifter

Ice Age

Inception

Indiana Jones

Karate Kid

Last of the Mohicans

Legends of the Fall

Leon

Lethal Weapon

Lion King

Lock Stock and 2 smokin barrels

Long Kiss Goodnight

Lord of the Rings 1/2/3

Love Actually

Lucky Number Slevin

Mad Max 2

Moonlight & Valentino

Pelican Brief

Pirates of the Carribbean

Pitch Black

Pretty in Pink

RED Resident Evil

Santa Claus the Movie

Saving Private Ryan

Schindlers List

Shawshank Redemption

Shutter Island

Sleeping with the Enemy

Sleepless in Seattle

St Elmo's Fire

Sum of all Fears

Swordfish

T4

Terminator 2

The Italian Job

The Lovely Bones

The Rock

The Untouchables

Titanic

UP

Usual Suspects

Withnail and I

Young Guns 1 & 2

A more realistic book choice ....

Ok ...so after the last post and several friends laughing at me for actually putting in that I would read .....War & Peace ..... and Crime & Punishment ..... I guess I never will really.

Maybe I was trying to be too highbrow ..... after all - I actually missed off a couple of my absolute favourites!

The Sword by James Herbert -  I have read all of his books .... my favourite author.

The Burning Shore by Wilbur Smith - again another of my favourite authors although I have not quite read all of his.

BUT also ... maybe I was not highbrow enough ...... I missed out Shakespeare and YES I genuinely do like most of his plays and have read many - My favourite being King Lear

So - like many Lists ....sometimes you get caught up in the actual writing of them and miss the obvious items .... just going through the motion of getting to the "100" or "50" or "25" - whatever number you have set and therefore putting pressure on yourself to complete the list!

However, ...it won't stop me from doing these lists - I have my top 50 films etc and love the process  ..... right - back to my "things to do" list LOL !!!

Top 100 books for me that I have read or want to read ....

Probably not in preferential order here .......... Haven't yet read all of these but will get round to them !!!! 1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien 2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen 3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman 4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams 5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling 6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee 7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne 8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell 9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis 10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë 11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller 12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë 13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks 14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier 15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger 16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame 17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens 18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott 19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres 20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy 21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell 22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling 23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling 24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling 25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien 26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy 27. Middlemarch, George Eliot 28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving 29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck 30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll 31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson 32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez 33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett 34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens 35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl 36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson 37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute 38. Persuasion, Jane Austen 39. Dune, Frank Herbert 40. Emma, Jane Austen 41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery 42. Watership Down, Richard Adams 43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald 44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas 45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh 46. Animal Farm, George Orwell 47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens 48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy 49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian 50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher 51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett 52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck 53. The Stand, Stephen King 54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy 55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth 56. The BFG, Roald Dahl 57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome 58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell 59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer 60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky 61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman 62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden 63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens 64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough 65. Mort, Terry Pratchett 66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton 67. The Magus, John Fowles 68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman 69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett 70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding 71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind 72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell 73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett 74. Matilda, Roald Dahl 75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding 76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt 77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins 78. Ulysses, James Joyce 79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens 80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson 81. The Twits, Roald Dahl 82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith 83. Holes, Louis Sachar 84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake 85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy 86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson 87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley 88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons 89. Magician, Raymond E Feist 90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac 91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo 92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel 93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett 94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho 95. Katherine, Anya Seton 96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer 97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez 98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson 99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot 100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie