Cruising

My heart goes out to those who were on the cruise ship Costa Concordia and to the families of those who died in the tragedy and to those who are still missing.


Having stated that, this is my blog, and I comment on the issues that affect me personally, so although this may seem insensitive to those going through the tragedy ....... it is not meant to be ...... 


But - I must now mention that this has obviously bothered me more than I thought it would, after first hearing the news.


I am a worrier, a panicker, plain and simple. 


Always have been, although it has definitely got worse since Mark's death ... and the realisation of ones own mortality. Of course everyone realises they are going to die - but seriously, at the age of 28, it never crossed my mind that it would be in any other way than as an elderly lady, aged around 90, in my bed surrounded by loved ones!


I always used to get myself worked up about little things - to the extent that I would even make myself physically sick sometimes (I have a very delicate constitution anyway - the slightest of spicy foods can set me off!). Yet I wasn't too bad initially. I travelled to New Zealand when I was 21 with no concerns at all about the flight - I was just excited and looked upon it as a big adventure.


The fear of flying came after his death. Possibly because I realised that, if I died then the children would be orphans (depressing thought, I know!). Or maybe because I recognised that issue of mortality and that being on a plane you have no control and no way out in an emergency. Whatever the reason, I am now quite pathetic when it comes to flying and so have to take some anti anxiety pills before getting anywhere near the airport!


However, I have never been bothered about anything to do with the sea. I am a Pisces and happy in and around water. I don't even recall having any bad dreams regarding disaster scenarios after seeing the film "Titanic".


Believe me - I have a disaster survival scenario for most eventualities - burning buildings, attack from burglars or muggers, nuclear blast or viral infection - major world 2012 big screen disasters and even including how to survive a zombie attack - YES in my dreams I can survive them all ........ but I have never even considered my escape routes or how to survive the sinking of a Ship.


I saw the news about the Cruise ship and shortly afterwards Greg's Mum called to see if I was OK ..... because she knows how I could be affected, thinking of our future cruise. NOT a problem I said and genuinely, still CONSCIOUSLY am not thinking of it as a problem (even though I am blogging about it!).


HOWEVER the sub conscious mind works in a mysterious way. I went to bed yesterday with no  thoughts about the tragedy. YET I woke up with it at the forefront of my mind and with my stomach doing back-flips. ARGGGHHHHH. 


So now I will look at the positives - such as "now is the best time as safety checks will be at their peak" OR that in fact nearly everyone did get out, with little or no injuries, just shock OR that I will probably get on the ship and check ALL the escape routes, location of Fire Extinguishers, life rafts etc etc !!!


In many ways my own reaction is a tad laughable ........... but not to those who have just gone through it -  and for the families still going through it .......... my thoughts and prayers go out to them.