I was 13 years old and on a fabulous, long awaited for dream riding holiday. Mum and Dad had generously agreed to let me go and it really was my dream come true that year. My best friend had come with me and we were having such a great time. The farm was a lovely huge, rustic, old building with several rooms upstairs and downstairs and nooks and cranny's for games of hide and seek!
There were about 20 girls (yes all girls) of slightly differing ages - ranging from 12 - 16years but we all seemed to get on, as our common love was the horses.
The days were filled with mucking out, grooming, riding, learning new skills and preparing for a gymkhana at the end of the week. We were all pretty shattered most nights, a combination of fresh air and hard work! Bedtimes were fun too - we were separated into groups of 6-8 and in 3 "dormitories" with bunk beds and a lot of girlie giggles, pillow fights and running in and out of the rooms playing tricks on each other.
One night I woke up at about 3am. At this point I was not really sure what woke me - I did not usually wake at this time of night - but I decided I needed the toilet, so got up out of the bed and set off to the tiny room right at the end of a long .... dark corridor.
I had gone a few paces when I felt suddenly really cold - goosebumps raised on my arms - I just decided to move a little quicker, dismissing the coldness as the damp of an old house and nothing else ... plus ... I was still half asleep and getting a little desperate for the loo!
I got to the tiny room, switched on the light .......... and carried out my business.
I then noticed that the room, which had been warm as I entered also seemed to get very cold, very quickly. I hurried up ..... and turned off the light.
As I came out of the room and entered the corridor ............... I heard a blood curdling scream ............ and then crying .............. and then ............
" Jane, Jane get back here NOW"
I ambled back with no real concept of a need to run ...... I saw the girls from the other Dorm in a bit of a state at the other end of the corridor - they asked if I was OK and ..... because I was still half asleep ..... I said yes and .......... just ambled back to my bed !
There was a lot of commotion in the other Dorm but my Dormitory was peaceful and quiet ... so I just drifted right back off to sleep!
When I got up in the morning we went down to the breakfast room. all the girls were in there and the farm owner was dishing up breakfast whilst comforting 2 girls in particular. It seemed as though she was also trying to keep them calm and to not talk too much about why they were upset. BUT girls will be girls and gossip is our favourite pastime. Neither of them however would actually look at me and I began to feel a little paranoid ....in fact .... I noticed no-one from that Dorm was actually talking to me ...... had I upset someone?
So when we all settled and the owner had gone out of the room I intended to ask what I had done but one of them quickly rounded on me and asked if I was OK and "didn't I feel anything ?"
Anything about what ?
Then she told me what she had seen ................
One of them woke up in the night thinking she saw a figure run through their Dorm. She was so convinced she cried out (which I think is what woke me initially) and all the girls from her Dorm woke up trying to suss what it was. By the time they had worked up the courage to check outside the corridor .... I was coming back from the toilet ..........
They SAW in front of me - what appeared to be a wolf and a shadowy figure behind me that turned and then seemed to RUSH through me and out of the window, with the wolf following.
THEY ALL SWEAR THEY SAW IT.
And then ......... from the corner of the room ....... the grandma spoke ...........
"That was Old Mac ..... our wolfhound ........ 50 years ago he chased a burglar onto the balcony ...... it's not there any-more ....... it was riddled with woodworm ...... it collapsed under their weight ...... they just both fell to the ground and died"
There was absolute silence from 20 girls.
None of us slept the next night. Thankfully it was the last night and although I never actually saw it - I know I felt the icy coldness !!!!!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Fireworks. Diwali. Bonfire Night
Arrgghhhh !!!
OK - so maybe I am an old fogey - a party pooper - BUT why, oh why, do people insist on setting off fireworks at 11.30pm at night !!!!!!!
I actually really like bonfire night - particularly the more English traditional "Penny for the Guy" (does anyone do that any more?). Sparklers. Bangers. Baked potatoes. Cold noses and warm hats, gloves and scarves.
AND Firework displays ....... whether that be larger organised ones or smaller home led ones. It actually is another one of our family traditions - with home videos of the children growing up - having firework night at Grandy and Grandpa's with sparklers, baked potato, baked beans, cheese .... mmmmmmmmm.
SO ..... I do enjoy it all. UP TO A POINT.
And there is a point - and that point should be up to about 10pm - 10.30pm at the latest!
Most younger children who love and enjoy these displays should be in bed by 9pm anyway (if not before) and as for the teenagers, then they have an hour or so afterwards. BUT by 10pm - many people are thinking of turning in - those who have to work the next day - those who may be postmen, post-women, Nursery Nurses on an early shift, ANY early shift workers, Mum's and Dad's with young baby's trying to sleep etc. etc. etc.!
Even before I had our 3 children, Mark and I had a group of friends (the Granada lot) and we would have parties at one of the houses - including bonfire night ones - and would always be finished outside by 10pm.
I understand that most of the organised displays DO finish earlier - and no one can really control some of the teenagers who choose to buy the odd firework and set them off late at night (unless the Police happen to be in the right place at the right time). What I would really just like, is that all the others - families with private parties - decide to finish at a decent hour !!!
Last night we put up with it till 11.30pm - 11.30pm !!!!!
No - I am not a party pooper - but that is just plain RUDE and inconsiderate in my book!
So for the next few nights of Diwali, Halloween and Bonfire Night PLEASE PLEASE have a bit of consideration for others when setting off your displays !!!
Thanks :-)
OK - so maybe I am an old fogey - a party pooper - BUT why, oh why, do people insist on setting off fireworks at 11.30pm at night !!!!!!!
I actually really like bonfire night - particularly the more English traditional "Penny for the Guy" (does anyone do that any more?). Sparklers. Bangers. Baked potatoes. Cold noses and warm hats, gloves and scarves.
AND Firework displays ....... whether that be larger organised ones or smaller home led ones. It actually is another one of our family traditions - with home videos of the children growing up - having firework night at Grandy and Grandpa's with sparklers, baked potato, baked beans, cheese .... mmmmmmmmm.
SO ..... I do enjoy it all. UP TO A POINT.
And there is a point - and that point should be up to about 10pm - 10.30pm at the latest!
Most younger children who love and enjoy these displays should be in bed by 9pm anyway (if not before) and as for the teenagers, then they have an hour or so afterwards. BUT by 10pm - many people are thinking of turning in - those who have to work the next day - those who may be postmen, post-women, Nursery Nurses on an early shift, ANY early shift workers, Mum's and Dad's with young baby's trying to sleep etc. etc. etc.!
Even before I had our 3 children, Mark and I had a group of friends (the Granada lot) and we would have parties at one of the houses - including bonfire night ones - and would always be finished outside by 10pm.
I understand that most of the organised displays DO finish earlier - and no one can really control some of the teenagers who choose to buy the odd firework and set them off late at night (unless the Police happen to be in the right place at the right time). What I would really just like, is that all the others - families with private parties - decide to finish at a decent hour !!!
Last night we put up with it till 11.30pm - 11.30pm !!!!!
No - I am not a party pooper - but that is just plain RUDE and inconsiderate in my book!
So for the next few nights of Diwali, Halloween and Bonfire Night PLEASE PLEASE have a bit of consideration for others when setting off your displays !!!
Thanks :-)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Living in the Now
Why is it that all my best "blog" thoughts come to me when I am:
a) walking the dog
b) in the bath
c) in bed at night drifting off to sleep
Seriously - it drives me nuts - I can "write" in my head a whole Blog - have a conversation with myself (in my head - I'm not that mad yet) about whether it will be good or not ... but then ..... when I get in front of the netbook ... whooosh ... it's all gone!
It's not all completely gone (otherwise there would be no blogs at all !) but the topics sometimes drift away - or what sounded brilliant in my head doesn't quite flow when I have put it down on here. So this week I had such a choice ......
Gaddafi - all those shocking images;
Dale Farm and how that rolled out (Tony Ball for PM ?);
Westlife - so sad they are splitting up - Jessica's first concert with me was a Westlife one !
I even thought of mentioning how majorly hot Matt Goss is looking in his 40's (sad I know) - oh .... well - there you go ..... I have mentioned it !
Then I visited Jess on Friday afternoon and ... after cuddles with Kovu, conversations with Jess and my niece - my niece said ..... surely you should blog about this !
AND SHE IS RIGHT!
All these other things are happening and we are part of the world in which they are happening BUT at this point in time they don't affect me directly - I'm not saying "I'm alright Jack" just that we all need to live in our own moments - our own time and place.
Part of my diploma for the Life Coaching dealt with "helping clients to learn to live in the now whilst promoting them to be the best they can be" I think that is great and totally agree with that concept BUT also, we must remember that each person's own individual best may not be at the same benchmark as yours or others.
Some people find success in academic achievement, some in sporting greatness, others find it in balancing their finances that month, having a roof over their heads, being a good Mum or Dad or friend - the "best they can be".
ME - I am basically very VERY lazy - I push myself with my lists because otherwise I would achieve nothing - honestly - I could easily just sit and read a good book all the time or walk H or watch telly. I have identified my biggest weakness and deal with it by giving myself deadlines and goals so I actually can look back and think - hey yeah - I DID THAT !
BUT it doesn't really matter - success is measured on a truly individual scale and for most people it should NOT just be about financial success or possessions or material wealth - it should be happiness - that individual feeling for each and every one of us (ok so money can help and some people can and do have both).
I sometimes think that some of us have lost that simple goal in our often hectic lives.
YET, on Friday I was blessed with another wonderful glimpse of that "living in the now" moment - watching a Lion King DVD with my grandson snuggled in my arms ... my niece and I chattering away ... as Jess pottered about tidying her house, chattering back at us.
I would recommend each of us to take a 2 -5 minute break today - perhaps after reading this blog - stop - and just think about what you have, where you have been and where you are now - without wish lists, targets, goals or thoughts of the past - and hopefully most of us will find that our moment - right now - is good !
a) walking the dog
b) in the bath
c) in bed at night drifting off to sleep
Seriously - it drives me nuts - I can "write" in my head a whole Blog - have a conversation with myself (in my head - I'm not that mad yet) about whether it will be good or not ... but then ..... when I get in front of the netbook ... whooosh ... it's all gone!
It's not all completely gone (otherwise there would be no blogs at all !) but the topics sometimes drift away - or what sounded brilliant in my head doesn't quite flow when I have put it down on here. So this week I had such a choice ......
Gaddafi - all those shocking images;
Dale Farm and how that rolled out (Tony Ball for PM ?);
Westlife - so sad they are splitting up - Jessica's first concert with me was a Westlife one !
I even thought of mentioning how majorly hot Matt Goss is looking in his 40's (sad I know) - oh .... well - there you go ..... I have mentioned it !
Then I visited Jess on Friday afternoon and ... after cuddles with Kovu, conversations with Jess and my niece - my niece said ..... surely you should blog about this !
AND SHE IS RIGHT!
All these other things are happening and we are part of the world in which they are happening BUT at this point in time they don't affect me directly - I'm not saying "I'm alright Jack" just that we all need to live in our own moments - our own time and place.
Part of my diploma for the Life Coaching dealt with "helping clients to learn to live in the now whilst promoting them to be the best they can be" I think that is great and totally agree with that concept BUT also, we must remember that each person's own individual best may not be at the same benchmark as yours or others.
Some people find success in academic achievement, some in sporting greatness, others find it in balancing their finances that month, having a roof over their heads, being a good Mum or Dad or friend - the "best they can be".
ME - I am basically very VERY lazy - I push myself with my lists because otherwise I would achieve nothing - honestly - I could easily just sit and read a good book all the time or walk H or watch telly. I have identified my biggest weakness and deal with it by giving myself deadlines and goals so I actually can look back and think - hey yeah - I DID THAT !
BUT it doesn't really matter - success is measured on a truly individual scale and for most people it should NOT just be about financial success or possessions or material wealth - it should be happiness - that individual feeling for each and every one of us (ok so money can help and some people can and do have both).
I sometimes think that some of us have lost that simple goal in our often hectic lives.
YET, on Friday I was blessed with another wonderful glimpse of that "living in the now" moment - watching a Lion King DVD with my grandson snuggled in my arms ... my niece and I chattering away ... as Jess pottered about tidying her house, chattering back at us.
I would recommend each of us to take a 2 -5 minute break today - perhaps after reading this blog - stop - and just think about what you have, where you have been and where you are now - without wish lists, targets, goals or thoughts of the past - and hopefully most of us will find that our moment - right now - is good !
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Blind Side
Well ........ it's been 2 weeks in the coming ........... and it hit very hard today.
We call them "Mark Moments" and usually they do literally just come crashing in on me, blind-sided. Never quite realising or noticing the "thing" that triggers it (bit like the migraines). However, equally, I do know of some of the incidents/events/occasions that will set me off - and usually I prepare for them (or at least avoid making it worse - which very stupidly I did today!)
I actually have a small confession ...... when I started this blog I decided I would be truthful - warts and all, about anything and everything - but that's not always easy.
I edited my blog 2 weeks ago - some few who clicked on it as I published it (I know you were one Suzie!) will have seen a glimpse of my feelings ..... but then I deleted a comment as I FELT that it was a far too happy a day to bring the tiny twinge I had into it - it was a day to celebrate - one for my daughter - and not to be tarnished with a comment that was really superfluous, as anyone who knows all of us, will know that he was not far from our thoughts.
Then, on Friday I had aches and pains and thought I was coming down with a cold - I began to get a little melancholy so decided that - as ever - the best way to deal with a poor mood is to get busy ...... and BOY was I busy !!! I had a bath to warm me up and then was on a Mission - I washed clothes, ironed, filled the pond, tended the herb-garden, made rock cakes, wrote the blog, threw the ball for Harley and went to fish n chips!
So - that got me through Friday. Saturday was a good day (even though Wales lost !). Then Sunday ........ Jess, Gina and I went to see the Lion King in 3D.
Again - those who know us well will know that - very sad as we are - that film holds some happy/sad/poignant memories - it came out the year after Mark died and the kids loved it - we watched that (and Beauty and the Beast) till the tapes wore out !
Now ..... link that in with the fact that Kovu (the name comes from Lion King 2) has just been born, Daniel (Simba) has turned 18 and you can imagine 3 slightly emotional grown women having a mini blub at a Disney cartoon film (for children!) yesterday !!!
So ..... I guess today was not really one that came from the blind side - it was predictable.
Mark and I had planned to grow old together, watch our children grow and watch our grandchildren grow. That was taken away from us.
Of course it didn't help that - like the complete plonker that I am - I then went and indulged a little in the grief, by reading my widow's diary - so I am now aching ... not through a possible cold ... but through heartache.
And yet ... I am still full of hope and joy and not actually sad ....... I have moved my "2 steps 4ward" and can have these moments of utter grief .... but bounce back - to then go and throw the ball for Harley ... because that is life - and life moves on - and letting go of that grief each and every time ... is all a part of it !
We call them "Mark Moments" and usually they do literally just come crashing in on me, blind-sided. Never quite realising or noticing the "thing" that triggers it (bit like the migraines). However, equally, I do know of some of the incidents/events/occasions that will set me off - and usually I prepare for them (or at least avoid making it worse - which very stupidly I did today!)
I actually have a small confession ...... when I started this blog I decided I would be truthful - warts and all, about anything and everything - but that's not always easy.
I edited my blog 2 weeks ago - some few who clicked on it as I published it (I know you were one Suzie!) will have seen a glimpse of my feelings ..... but then I deleted a comment as I FELT that it was a far too happy a day to bring the tiny twinge I had into it - it was a day to celebrate - one for my daughter - and not to be tarnished with a comment that was really superfluous, as anyone who knows all of us, will know that he was not far from our thoughts.
Then, on Friday I had aches and pains and thought I was coming down with a cold - I began to get a little melancholy so decided that - as ever - the best way to deal with a poor mood is to get busy ...... and BOY was I busy !!! I had a bath to warm me up and then was on a Mission - I washed clothes, ironed, filled the pond, tended the herb-garden, made rock cakes, wrote the blog, threw the ball for Harley and went to fish n chips!
So - that got me through Friday. Saturday was a good day (even though Wales lost !). Then Sunday ........ Jess, Gina and I went to see the Lion King in 3D.
Again - those who know us well will know that - very sad as we are - that film holds some happy/sad/poignant memories - it came out the year after Mark died and the kids loved it - we watched that (and Beauty and the Beast) till the tapes wore out !
Now ..... link that in with the fact that Kovu (the name comes from Lion King 2) has just been born, Daniel (Simba) has turned 18 and you can imagine 3 slightly emotional grown women having a mini blub at a Disney cartoon film (for children!) yesterday !!!
So ..... I guess today was not really one that came from the blind side - it was predictable.
Mark and I had planned to grow old together, watch our children grow and watch our grandchildren grow. That was taken away from us.
Of course it didn't help that - like the complete plonker that I am - I then went and indulged a little in the grief, by reading my widow's diary - so I am now aching ... not through a possible cold ... but through heartache.
And yet ... I am still full of hope and joy and not actually sad ....... I have moved my "2 steps 4ward" and can have these moments of utter grief .... but bounce back - to then go and throw the ball for Harley ... because that is life - and life moves on - and letting go of that grief each and every time ... is all a part of it !
Friday, October 14, 2011
Squirrels as Neighbours
We have a squirrel. Well probably 2 squirrels ......... as we think there could be a nest.
Our house/garden backs on to a wooded area that then leads to a meadow/riverbank and on to the river, we are very lucky.
However, the trees in this wooded area were tiny saplings when we moved here and are now rather large with branches growing over our fence. This actually isn't a problem for us and it means that, at this time of year, we are entertained by the squirrel ..... and the dog.
There is an acorn tree at one end of the fence and the squirrel's nest is at the other end of the fence ........ so ..... when collecting nuts, he finds it easier to run along the top of the fence from one end to the other rather than jumping across trees.
This drives Harley BONKERS !
He catches a glimpse of the kamikaze squirrel and chases him manically from the ground, barking furiously.
I am sure this barking, when it occurs, may be a little irritating but, having been at home for the last 3 months, it is not excessive, no more than other barking dogs around this area and, for the majority of our neighbours, it occurs sporadically during the daytime - so most of them are out at work.
NOW ....... we get on with most of our neighbours ........ but there are 3 who are not so keen on us ...... and one who actively goes out of her way to be awkward.
I am not sure and have no evidence as to who popped the letter in my door - but I do have my suspicion ....... sadly, the person who dropped this letter in, was obviously a coward and not prepared to actually discuss the issue - it was simply signed "a neighbour".
It was not a complaint about the noise (that seems to be a recurring theme for our family - see the blog "Turn it up") .......... but about the fact that we must be treating the dog badly !!!
How, what, why would you come to that conclusion ????
We hear lots of dogs around here barking - sometimes you cannot be sure if it is the same dog or just coming from the same area - sometimes it is dogs out for a walk round the back or in the field - sometimes it can be a "conversation" between neighbouring dogs (that Harley often joins in with too) - often it will be Harley and his son Hendrix, who lives a few doors down "talking"
This letter assumed that I was not at home - assumed that Harley was suffering from "separation anxiety" (someone has been watching too much "Dog Whisperer") and stated that he barked endlessly for hours on end - which is laughable as I AM HERE! He is often inside - curled up with me while I am writing this sort of blog ! As he is now - whilst another dog is out the back ..... barking - Harley is not interested as he is curled up in Greg's seat - half asleep ! Why would someone make such ridiculous assumptions - How could you tell a distressed bark from a:
"I'm gonna get you .. squirrel" bark ?
Whoever it was threatened to call the RSPCA - please do - I don't believe in threats - just do it - but it makes no impact as the letter is anonymous so I cannot even speak to the person to say ........... he is barking at A SQUIRREL !!!!!!!
If he had been whimpering that would/could be different. Why would you even think of reporting it to the RSPCA without first knocking on the neighbours door to see if there was a problem - if you assumed the neighbour was out then perhaps the assumption should be that the neighbour would not realise that the dog was "distressed" so you would inform them - well I would - in a polite and concerned manner rather than a very threatening one (yes - I know I get over passionate about some things - I got others to read the letter to see if I was overreacting - they did not believe I was - it was threatening and with a nasty tone !)
So now ..... I am encouraging Harley to go out and bark at the squirrel as much as possible in the hope that these deluded neighbours will call the RSPCA - who can come and verify that my dog is fine - and then hopefully the RSPCA will report back to the neighbour that they are slightly "off their rocker" and should get a life !
In the meantime - I am perfectly happy to keep on good terms with my squirrel neighbour and wish that those neighbours who I don't get on with, would keep to themselves, as the squirrel does, and just get on with their own business !
Our house/garden backs on to a wooded area that then leads to a meadow/riverbank and on to the river, we are very lucky.
However, the trees in this wooded area were tiny saplings when we moved here and are now rather large with branches growing over our fence. This actually isn't a problem for us and it means that, at this time of year, we are entertained by the squirrel ..... and the dog.
There is an acorn tree at one end of the fence and the squirrel's nest is at the other end of the fence ........ so ..... when collecting nuts, he finds it easier to run along the top of the fence from one end to the other rather than jumping across trees.
This drives Harley BONKERS !
He catches a glimpse of the kamikaze squirrel and chases him manically from the ground, barking furiously.
I am sure this barking, when it occurs, may be a little irritating but, having been at home for the last 3 months, it is not excessive, no more than other barking dogs around this area and, for the majority of our neighbours, it occurs sporadically during the daytime - so most of them are out at work.
NOW ....... we get on with most of our neighbours ........ but there are 3 who are not so keen on us ...... and one who actively goes out of her way to be awkward.
I am not sure and have no evidence as to who popped the letter in my door - but I do have my suspicion ....... sadly, the person who dropped this letter in, was obviously a coward and not prepared to actually discuss the issue - it was simply signed "a neighbour".
It was not a complaint about the noise (that seems to be a recurring theme for our family - see the blog "Turn it up") .......... but about the fact that we must be treating the dog badly !!!
How, what, why would you come to that conclusion ????
We hear lots of dogs around here barking - sometimes you cannot be sure if it is the same dog or just coming from the same area - sometimes it is dogs out for a walk round the back or in the field - sometimes it can be a "conversation" between neighbouring dogs (that Harley often joins in with too) - often it will be Harley and his son Hendrix, who lives a few doors down "talking"
This letter assumed that I was not at home - assumed that Harley was suffering from "separation anxiety" (someone has been watching too much "Dog Whisperer") and stated that he barked endlessly for hours on end - which is laughable as I AM HERE! He is often inside - curled up with me while I am writing this sort of blog ! As he is now - whilst another dog is out the back ..... barking - Harley is not interested as he is curled up in Greg's seat - half asleep ! Why would someone make such ridiculous assumptions - How could you tell a distressed bark from a:
"I'm gonna get you .. squirrel" bark ?
Whoever it was threatened to call the RSPCA - please do - I don't believe in threats - just do it - but it makes no impact as the letter is anonymous so I cannot even speak to the person to say ........... he is barking at A SQUIRREL !!!!!!!
If he had been whimpering that would/could be different. Why would you even think of reporting it to the RSPCA without first knocking on the neighbours door to see if there was a problem - if you assumed the neighbour was out then perhaps the assumption should be that the neighbour would not realise that the dog was "distressed" so you would inform them - well I would - in a polite and concerned manner rather than a very threatening one (yes - I know I get over passionate about some things - I got others to read the letter to see if I was overreacting - they did not believe I was - it was threatening and with a nasty tone !)
So now ..... I am encouraging Harley to go out and bark at the squirrel as much as possible in the hope that these deluded neighbours will call the RSPCA - who can come and verify that my dog is fine - and then hopefully the RSPCA will report back to the neighbour that they are slightly "off their rocker" and should get a life !
In the meantime - I am perfectly happy to keep on good terms with my squirrel neighbour and wish that those neighbours who I don't get on with, would keep to themselves, as the squirrel does, and just get on with their own business !
Monday, October 10, 2011
Nana's Notes
Could be the title for another one of my books: I have 3 in preparation already !
It's such a different and unknown role .... being a Nana ......... Kovu and all that he brings is now Jessica's story ..... not mine .....OK I play a part - but I have to step back, support them, but let them make their own way!
I also have to acknowledge that my parenting experience of newborns is 18 years old - ancient history!
I need to accept that although much of my knowledge is common sense, it is also very dated and current "best practice" and scientific advancements etc. have made improvements or changes to how I may have cared for a newborn. Not that things are really that different .....
One huge improvement is the neonatal ward at Cygnet Wing in Bedford. When Kovu had to be re-admitted due to his infection I was just so impressed at how the nurses were there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over. The whole atmosphere on the ward was pleasant - happy - staff just seemed relaxed but purposeful.
This is the attitude I should adopt - the "there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over" I hope I am achieving this already but, like having a first child, having a first grandchild is perhaps the greatest learning curve!
You don't stop learning just because the children have left home. You just have to start looking at things in a different way. Thankfully, I have a Mum too! She has become the sounding board - she always has been - but it really helped a couple of days ago to go to her and run things past her !
I guess that is where I am lucky - how do families manage when the parents/grandparents/great-grandparents are not close by or available for that support? There is so much information available on the web but equally that can be information overload!
So, maybe there is a need for Nana's notes ? Am sure there are already several books on being a grandmother but then ....... there's always room for one more !!!
It's such a different and unknown role .... being a Nana ......... Kovu and all that he brings is now Jessica's story ..... not mine .....OK I play a part - but I have to step back, support them, but let them make their own way!
I also have to acknowledge that my parenting experience of newborns is 18 years old - ancient history!
I need to accept that although much of my knowledge is common sense, it is also very dated and current "best practice" and scientific advancements etc. have made improvements or changes to how I may have cared for a newborn. Not that things are really that different .....
One huge improvement is the neonatal ward at Cygnet Wing in Bedford. When Kovu had to be re-admitted due to his infection I was just so impressed at how the nurses were there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over. The whole atmosphere on the ward was pleasant - happy - staff just seemed relaxed but purposeful.
This is the attitude I should adopt - the "there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over" I hope I am achieving this already but, like having a first child, having a first grandchild is perhaps the greatest learning curve!
You don't stop learning just because the children have left home. You just have to start looking at things in a different way. Thankfully, I have a Mum too! She has become the sounding board - she always has been - but it really helped a couple of days ago to go to her and run things past her !
I guess that is where I am lucky - how do families manage when the parents/grandparents/great-grandparents are not close by or available for that support? There is so much information available on the web but equally that can be information overload!
So, maybe there is a need for Nana's notes ? Am sure there are already several books on being a grandmother but then ....... there's always room for one more !!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Sambuca Nights and the Walk of Shame
As some of you may be aware I am a bit busy at the moment!
Kovu was re-admitted to hospital with low blood sugar and an infection, so - I am posting the blog I had prepared last weekend and will get back to you all in a few days ! ..........
Friday night I stayed at home (it was nice - the kids came round for a Chinese). Saturday night I stayed home (also nice, chilled, TV, kids came round later on).
In fact, it occurred to me that actually ....... most weekends - I stay in ....... and am glad of it too !
Less than 6 years ago I was out just about EVERY Friday and Saturday night ..... and loved that at the time as well.
Everything has it's time and place.
When I was 17 - 23 I was out most nights - not just weekends !! Not necessarily always partying or drinking but just out. Mark was in several pub teams - skittles, pool, darts. He was also in a 5-a-side football team and a cricket team in the summer so we rarely spent time at our respective homes.
Then we moved in together and I became pregnant almost immediately!
I spent the next 5 years pregnant ....... well it felt like it LOL ..... So of course then we only really went out for specific events - birthdays, weddings, engagement parties etc.
Having young children at home isn't a restriction but it was a choice. We still found times to go out when either of the grandparents or sisters-in law where happy to sit - but I often found that I really didn't want to leave the children that often!
Then, as the children got older, I discovered the real advantage of babysitters ....... I had some fantastic free sitters (as mentioned above) and then 6 brilliant sitters (nieces, friends and neighbours) who charged only a small amount for their time.
With a regular rotation I found that I could happily go out at least once a week without that guilt feeling that accompanies us poor mothers ! (Jess take note x !) I began to enjoy just going to the pub again and once a weekend would meet up with a different set of friends to "party"!
Then ......... that golden moment when Jess was old enough to look after her brother and sister ..... they were all brilliant and were all happy to be "in charge"!
Unfortunately, at the time I was in a relationship that was not good. I found myself going out most Friday and Saturday nights (at the partner's insistence - it was one of those classic "controlling" relationships) and then the guilt did come back - once a weekend seemed fine - but not both nights !
This continued for a couple of years until I finally realised the relationship was flawed and began distancing myself. However, as anyone will know, when a relationship is going downhill you do turn to good friends for comfort and ..... even as a Mum.... that will often involve a good night out with a few drinks!
I am not a drinker - in fact the phrase "taxi for Jane" was coined during this time. At Midnight, even when friends would still be able to party till the early hours of the morning, I was all pooped and ready to go. This group were very supportive and always made sure I was safely in the cab on the way home.
Until the Sambuca night - we've all had one - and believe me ..... it was one of those brilliant nights that I will be grateful for - for letting my hair down at a bad time.
BUT boy, oh boy was I hammered !!!! These friends took me back to one of their houses and decided I should not be left alone. One of them slept downstairs with me to make sure I would be OK and another called Jess (16 by then) to check that she was alright and offer to sleep at mine with her, if she needed. She was fine though and my friends told her they would call her again in the morning.
To my shame I did not recall any of this (I was flat out in the garden ..... for some reason !!!!)
Hilarity aside (and it was hilarious looking back - just ask that group of friends!!!) I awoke in the morning with that sense of dread and "oh what have I done ?!!!!"
At about 8am on a beautiful, bright, sunny Sunday morning I walked home - still in the clothes I had worn the night before, teetering gingerly on my high heels (thankfully my friend lived just up the road)
As I walked into my street I realised this was the 3rd time in my life I had done the walk of shame - that's fine in your late teens, early 20's BUT I was nearly 40 for goodness sake !
I did giggle a little ...... I walked into the house as Jess was answering the phone to my friends who had "lost" me (also hilarious at the time) but knew I would be making my way home and cleared up with them that I was fine before hugging my daughter.
Happily, my well-grounded children saw the funny side, knowing some if the stress I was under at the time!
I did decide then that actually - going clubbing at 40 was great fun ..... but I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt and no longer feel the need.
Would I still be doing it if I was single? ..... I don't know, possibly..... it certainly kept me slim .... all the dancing etc ...... but as I say - a time and place for everything and actually, I think I had an extended "teenage" time to most really.
I am happy that I can look back on the brilliant memories - but wouldn't swap it at all now for my cosy nights in - watching TV, reading a good book, watching a good film or chatting with my grown up children, with Harley tucked up beside me, and Hubby reclining in the sofa !
Kovu was re-admitted to hospital with low blood sugar and an infection, so - I am posting the blog I had prepared last weekend and will get back to you all in a few days ! ..........
Friday night I stayed at home (it was nice - the kids came round for a Chinese). Saturday night I stayed home (also nice, chilled, TV, kids came round later on).
In fact, it occurred to me that actually ....... most weekends - I stay in ....... and am glad of it too !
Less than 6 years ago I was out just about EVERY Friday and Saturday night ..... and loved that at the time as well.
Everything has it's time and place.
When I was 17 - 23 I was out most nights - not just weekends !! Not necessarily always partying or drinking but just out. Mark was in several pub teams - skittles, pool, darts. He was also in a 5-a-side football team and a cricket team in the summer so we rarely spent time at our respective homes.
Then we moved in together and I became pregnant almost immediately!
I spent the next 5 years pregnant ....... well it felt like it LOL ..... So of course then we only really went out for specific events - birthdays, weddings, engagement parties etc.
Having young children at home isn't a restriction but it was a choice. We still found times to go out when either of the grandparents or sisters-in law where happy to sit - but I often found that I really didn't want to leave the children that often!
Then, as the children got older, I discovered the real advantage of babysitters ....... I had some fantastic free sitters (as mentioned above) and then 6 brilliant sitters (nieces, friends and neighbours) who charged only a small amount for their time.
With a regular rotation I found that I could happily go out at least once a week without that guilt feeling that accompanies us poor mothers ! (Jess take note x !) I began to enjoy just going to the pub again and once a weekend would meet up with a different set of friends to "party"!
Then ......... that golden moment when Jess was old enough to look after her brother and sister ..... they were all brilliant and were all happy to be "in charge"!
Unfortunately, at the time I was in a relationship that was not good. I found myself going out most Friday and Saturday nights (at the partner's insistence - it was one of those classic "controlling" relationships) and then the guilt did come back - once a weekend seemed fine - but not both nights !
This continued for a couple of years until I finally realised the relationship was flawed and began distancing myself. However, as anyone will know, when a relationship is going downhill you do turn to good friends for comfort and ..... even as a Mum.... that will often involve a good night out with a few drinks!
I am not a drinker - in fact the phrase "taxi for Jane" was coined during this time. At Midnight, even when friends would still be able to party till the early hours of the morning, I was all pooped and ready to go. This group were very supportive and always made sure I was safely in the cab on the way home.
Until the Sambuca night - we've all had one - and believe me ..... it was one of those brilliant nights that I will be grateful for - for letting my hair down at a bad time.
BUT boy, oh boy was I hammered !!!! These friends took me back to one of their houses and decided I should not be left alone. One of them slept downstairs with me to make sure I would be OK and another called Jess (16 by then) to check that she was alright and offer to sleep at mine with her, if she needed. She was fine though and my friends told her they would call her again in the morning.
To my shame I did not recall any of this (I was flat out in the garden ..... for some reason !!!!)
Hilarity aside (and it was hilarious looking back - just ask that group of friends!!!) I awoke in the morning with that sense of dread and "oh what have I done ?!!!!"
At about 8am on a beautiful, bright, sunny Sunday morning I walked home - still in the clothes I had worn the night before, teetering gingerly on my high heels (thankfully my friend lived just up the road)
As I walked into my street I realised this was the 3rd time in my life I had done the walk of shame - that's fine in your late teens, early 20's BUT I was nearly 40 for goodness sake !
I did giggle a little ...... I walked into the house as Jess was answering the phone to my friends who had "lost" me (also hilarious at the time) but knew I would be making my way home and cleared up with them that I was fine before hugging my daughter.
Happily, my well-grounded children saw the funny side, knowing some if the stress I was under at the time!
I did decide then that actually - going clubbing at 40 was great fun ..... but I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt and no longer feel the need.
Would I still be doing it if I was single? ..... I don't know, possibly..... it certainly kept me slim .... all the dancing etc ...... but as I say - a time and place for everything and actually, I think I had an extended "teenage" time to most really.
I am happy that I can look back on the brilliant memories - but wouldn't swap it at all now for my cosy nights in - watching TV, reading a good book, watching a good film or chatting with my grown up children, with Harley tucked up beside me, and Hubby reclining in the sofa !
Monday, October 3, 2011
Welcome to the world !
Well, I actually had today's blog almost ready in draft ........ I had prepared it yesterday and just wanted to tweak it ..... all about my Sambuca nights - that will have to wait!!!!
I got a phone call at 4.34 am. And life changes all over again!
Perhaps not quite so much for me - I have now attained that slightly different role of being the grandmother!!!
Jess had woken with her contractions coming very fast. I suggested she and Ayden make their way to the hospital. I didn't rush. I got to the hospital at 6.30am and missed the birth by just 3 minutes!
I am glad though in a way - it would have been marvellous to have seen my grandson's birth but actually ....... it is good that it was that private moment between the couple who have created the new life.
BUT to be there so soon afterwards was equally wonderful .... and such a mixture of emotions. I already feel love and a bond with this little chap ... yet he is not mine ... I know that he will be well cared for and loved ... I have to let go and let them grow in their parenting!
That's tough !
Yet I am so proud of them both already and can't work out whether to laugh or cry (with tears of happiness)
It is a very VERY happy day !!!
Happy birthday Kovu Mark Daniel Goodwin-James - 5lb 7.5oz - 3/10/11
I got a phone call at 4.34 am. And life changes all over again!
Perhaps not quite so much for me - I have now attained that slightly different role of being the grandmother!!!
Jess had woken with her contractions coming very fast. I suggested she and Ayden make their way to the hospital. I didn't rush. I got to the hospital at 6.30am and missed the birth by just 3 minutes!
I am glad though in a way - it would have been marvellous to have seen my grandson's birth but actually ....... it is good that it was that private moment between the couple who have created the new life.
BUT to be there so soon afterwards was equally wonderful .... and such a mixture of emotions. I already feel love and a bond with this little chap ... yet he is not mine ... I know that he will be well cared for and loved ... I have to let go and let them grow in their parenting!
That's tough !
Yet I am so proud of them both already and can't work out whether to laugh or cry (with tears of happiness)
It is a very VERY happy day !!!
Happy birthday Kovu Mark Daniel Goodwin-James - 5lb 7.5oz - 3/10/11
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)