48 ....38...28...18...8 .....

A couple of days ago was my 48th birthday ..... I had a lovely day and thought back on several years of birthdays in the past. So thought I would share this:

On 20th March 1973 - Aged 8 years old ...

1. I was at Bedford Road Lower School - My best friends were Diane Kramer & Jackie Wood(s) 
2. I would  visit my Granny on a Saturday morning and Gran on a Friday evening for tea
3. I collected "whimsies" animal ornaments, from our local shop with my 20p pocket money - they cost 10p!
4. I had a hamster - called Hammy
5. I watched Black Beauty, Fingerbobs and Blue Peter on TV
6. I listened to whatever music Mum and Dad did .......... and Terry Wogan!
7. There had been 2 IRA bombs exploded in London ... I was beginning to understand the news and why Mum and Dad watched it
8. I received my first proper diary, the Christmas before my birthday, and started writing a few things down
9. That year we went to Wales on holiday ... I think it was to Carmarthen
10.  Later that year ... in September ... I started at my new school - Bedford High School

On 20th March 1983 - Aged 18 years old .....what a difference a decade can make...

1. I was in my last year at Bedford High School - My best friends were Sarah Newman and Jenny Landmann
2. I had discovered "The Crown" and all it's "biker" glory ! Where I met all my future partners !
3. I had an allowance of £20 a month (or about that I think)
4. I had 2 Guinea Pigs .... Pixie and Piper .... although I think Pixie may have died around that time
5. I watched The A Team, BlackAdder and The Young Ones on TV
6. I listened to Soft Metal .... and Genesis, Queen, Pink Floyd, Status Quo, and some older "hippy" music
7. The pound note was replaced by a pound coin !!!
8. I went on holiday with Scotty, Greg, Steve and Mark to Sandy Bay in Devon (brilliant)
9. In May of that year I started going out with Mark
10. Later on that year I started work at Granada TV Rentals where the friendships I made there have lasted and saw me through tough times.

On 20th March 1993 - Aged 28 years old .......

1. I was married to Mark and a Mum of 2 beautiful little girls and heavily pregnant with Daniel
2. Mark had been unemployed for a while due to a recession but we had a lovely daily routine with the children
3. Money was tight but we got by in our one bedroomed flat with the help of family and friends
4. We had 2 cats - Huey and Dewey (We had given Louie to our neighbours and Huey was handicapped!)
5. We watched  Star Trek Next Generation, Cracker, X Files (still on a huge wide TV)
6. I still listened to Soft Metal - Bon Jovi ..... but generally more Nursery rhymes !!!
7. Unemployment fell for the first time since May 1990 sparking hopes that this recession is over. Mark was doing well at Job Club and later that year we found out he had been accepted onto a programming course.
8. We didn't have a holiday that year with Mark ...... he died that August ...... but our good friends Steve & Nikki took me and the 3 children to the Yorkshire Dales 6 weeks after Mark died - we needed it !!!
9. 25th August 1993 my world collapsed - different life events lead a person in many different ways but this is always the one I end up back with.
10. I found out how blessed we were as a family with so many family and true, true friends rallying around - too many to mention but all equally as valued.

On 20th March 2003 - aged 38 years old .... 

1. We lived in our home now - I was with someone but the relationship was flawed, the children were 10, 12 and 14 that year.
2. I used to go clubbing most weekends - my close friends were Debbie and Elaine but The Granada crew and Nikki & Steve were always there.
3. We had regular Friday fish n chips and Sunday Lunch at Mum & Dad's
4. We had Scamp - a cat bought for me by my ex - Laurie.
5. We watched Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity, Spooks and most of the Disney channels !
6. We listened to Bon Jovi, Savage Garden, Blink 182 and many of Jessica's choices.
7. The Iraq war had begun - in fact on my birthday the British troops first landed.
8. We went to DISNEYLAND Paris that year, the kids and Mum and I in November for the Fireworks. It was fantastic!
9. Later that year I ran a 5K challenge and the lack of support from my partner of the time clinched the recognition that I had to end the relationship
10. I started my own business - the Nanny agency and had more time to spend with the children !

On 20th March 2013 - Aged 48 years old .....Wow - how life does change !

1. I still live in the wonderful home that Mark "picked" but never got to live in, with my husband Greg.
2. 2 of my children have moved out with their own babes.
3. I have a collection of bells and elephants !
4. We have 2 dogs - Harley and Kenzi
5. I watch Neighbours, Home and Away (both of which actually I have watched since the 80's !) and CSI
6. I don't listen to much music .... don't know why .... did put on savage garden the other day and loved it
7. The 2nd recession within my lifetime is still going on - double dipped and probably going to triple dip !
8. I may not get chance to go on Holiday this year - but last year we went on a cruise to Panama Canal 
9. The world has changed considerably with the internet and world wide web
10. I am very comfortable - money still tight but lifestyle great with part time working and school holidays

None of us know what is round the corner ...... none of us can predict the choices we make and in what direction they will lead us .... but generally I hope for all my friends and anyone reading this that life brings more of the happier surprises than the sad and though I may not make another 48 years .... I hope for at least another 30 !!!

Childhood

I can't resist ..... I have an opinion and am going to voice it .....

The media are all over the new survey from an online parenting site, that questioned around 1000 parents about their "tweenagers" - children aged seven to 13. It seems that a majority of those stated that they felt their child's "childhood" was over by the age of 12, with society forcing them to mature too fast.

Hello ........... !!!! 

Are you ..... or are you not ..... the parent ........ can you ..... or can you not ..... have an influence ..... or maybe they are just a little too lazy ?

Now - I confess to being an EXTREMELY lazy person - and parent. Hence I was disciplined and quite boring in my regime of rules and boundaries when the children were younger - making it easier for myself as they grew older !

Society is fast paced - the internet is freely available and so are many other media sources BUT why are parents allowing this to influence them - for example by giving their children  access to things like the internet, when they do not need to have unsupervised access?

I read that a 6 year old went to a Justin Bieber concert .... the one recently where he was late on stage ..... and parents complained that their children were getting tired.

ARGHHHHH ..... what is wrong with the world.

A 6 year old DOES NOT have to go to a JB concert - they really won't miss out - honest !

A 10 year old DOES NOT HAVE to have a facebook/myspace/twitter account 

Have parents really lost their own individuality and ability to stand up to THEIR peers because, let's face it .... a lot of this IS about parents trying to keep up with their children's friends parents !

OK -  it IS challenging to stand up to your peers even as an adult BUT you really are in control and you and your child will be much better for it eventually:

When Jess was 7, she attended her Lower School end of term disco party. She was in her party dress and looked like ...... a 7 year old, in a party dress.

Another parent arrived, with her daughter dressed as a "mini-me" with an off the shoulder boob tube and spray on tight trousers. Oh - and make up.

I said nothing (I may have thought several things ... but said nothing). However, this other parent did comment and laughed at Jessica's dress saying something on the lines of "how twee - what a cute party frock - I don't think I have ever dressed x in anything like that" !

Now - children at that age are actually less judgemental and Jess and most of her other friends had little care for designer names etc. because I HAD NEVER INSTILLED THIS IN HER ! So Jess had a lovely party - and had no concern about her "frock"

If I had been less resilient or not had the backbone that thankfully MY parents instilled in me - I may have gone out and bought some fancy inappropriately sexualised clothes for Jessica - I didn't.

90% of what children are doing before the age of 12 will be supervised in some way or another - if they are at school - they don't need a mobile phone - if they are at an after school club or dance/drame/choir/judo practice or WHATEVER - if you are running late or the instructor/tutor needs to get hold of you THEY will have a mobile phone. 

TV's in own rooms are a similar challenge - before the age of 10 children should have set bedtimes and not have the temptation of a TV in the room to disrupt their sleep - the bedrooms should be a place of quiet sanctuary (OK ..... mayhem when they are playing in them) They do not NEED a TV in their rooms - and it is far more sociable to have them in the living room with Mum and Dad anyway - sometimes it may mean acquiescing to watch a few Disney or Children's TV but the children also need to learn that sometimes they have to share the TV with the grown ups (heaven forbid!)

Then .... the Internet WHY does a child before the age of 13 need to have any of the social networking accounts ? They need the internet for homework - yes - but they don't NEED their own laptop - IF they feel left out of conversations etc. at school - THEY WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT - and maybe they can persuade others that there is a world out there that does not revolve around a screen in front of their faces!

When my children were little there was a spate of birthday parties that seemed to be getting bigger, more expensive and "flashier" each time and it was definitely beginning to look like  competition.

My children were happy to buck the trend - we did a fish and chip supper (from the chippy) and they played games like "the chocolate game" British Bulldog and Stuck in the Mud etc.  at home.

3 parents said to me after this particular party how brilliant they thought it was and that their child loved it, as it was SIMPLE - they didn't have to dress them up in costumes or drive somewhere out in the country side for go kart racing or similar (am not knocking go karts - as we have done that and it was brill! - Just that not all the best parties have to cost a fortune or be organised outside of the home)

It was just that I had changed the mindset of this constant "I have to have the best party" syndrome!

HOWEVER - I am  going to mention that actually - westernised children generally have good childhoods - they do not have to go out to work as children do  in many other countries or deal with wars or inter country conflict.

In the UK many years ago children went out to work early on - think of the boys up chimneys etc. OR even ..... from my Uncle's generation - My late Uncle Fred started an apprenticeship at the age of 14 - that is less than 100 years ago !

So in some ways our children DO have good childhoods that are certainly longer than they used to be - but ultimately - it really is down to the parents. 

So for anyone who says how hard it is to allow their child a childhood - PERLEASE .... don't find excuses - DO something about it !

Jury Duty

Following on from my last post ..... I thought I would write a little about my time on Jury Duty.

As I said in that last post I LOVED it. Beforehand, several people had said to me that they thought it was OK but there was a lot of sitting about and moments of boredom. Perhaps armed with that knowledge and having no expectation helped. I went armed with books and magazines to fill those "boring" moments.

When you get there you register in. Then you do wait around ..... that is possibly the worst bit .... but I even enjoyed this as it meant I could sit with a coffee, read a magazine or chat with fellow jurors who may or may not be on the same case as you ........ and just actually have some ME time .... honestly ..... that's how I kind of viewed it .... not at work .... not running around after children..... not at home thinking I should be doing housework ..... just a coffee and a magazine - HEAVEN !

After an hour or so on that first week they organised the cases and begin to call out names ..... this part could be frustrating for some, as you have turned up and sat around for an hour and if your name is not called you can then go home ....... OR you are asked to come back at 12ish as there may be an afternoon case. 

Again, I don't think I would have had a problem with that ..... I was in Luton .... I could have gone shopping or to the Uni Library (I was at Uni then so could have access to the library).

However, my name was called .... and 12 good men and true were ushered into our first case. 

I cannot go into the details of the case but it fascinated me .... and the whole process was great! We listened to case details for 3 days ...... (I have to add that I also love the start/breaks and finish times ..... nothing starts till 10am .... an hour for lunch ...... then finish at 4pm !) I went home each day at 4pm and felt really relaxed .... you DO concentrate .....  listen to the things that are "not" said and try to put yourself in that persons shoes BUT it was still so much less stressful than anything else I would normally have been doing.

After 3 days we adjourned to discuss the case and reach a verdict. 

NOW .... this will shock many of you who may know me BUT I was fairly quiet during the process. It was interesting to see different "characters" come out ... we had just been studying Belbin's theory (at Uni) around effective management and team roles..... and I was actually keeping myself busy identifying these roles whilst others were establishing their positions ..... geeky I know ..... but fun !!

We elected a chairperson (mainly through each of us giving a short introduction to ourselves and our job roles and experiences) - there were a couple of "loud" characters and when voting it was obvious that these 2 characters were definitely pushing to be chair BUT I think the rest of us could see a quieter but strong personality in an older gentleman (not that much older .... in his 50's) who seemed to have reached a level within his job that would prove to be effective in the role of Chair.

Then we began discussing the case ......... some people had already made up their mind and this was shown when the chair suggested an immediate initial vote ..... finding the chap guilty by 9 to 3. I was one of the 3 ..... I was not convinced by the evidence that he had committed the crime ..... there were too many gaps and even an opportunity for someone else to have done it ..... so, going by the evidence alone, I argued the case for him, along with the other 2. 

Our arguments must have been reasonably persuasive .... at the end of day 4 we had reached a swap ... in that there were 8 of us against 4 who still felt he was guilty. The judge called us back in to hear where we were and said he would be satisfied with a majority of 10 to 2 ..... so we went home to consider it all and to return in the morning. 

On our return I asked for a couple of "props" .... a lot was riding on whether a bag had been full or empty and whether or not that could be decided from a camera angle on a security dvd we had seen. These props duly arrived and the answer was fairly immediate ..... you could not tell if they were full, half full or even empty ........ 2 of the 4 agreed immediately that the evidence was not convincing enough to convict .... the other 2 were happy that, although we would go back to court stating not guilty ... they had done their bit. 

I was  pleased that the initial 3 minority voices had been able to give a reasoned argument to see that the evidence was not strong enough ..... I actually had a gut feeling that he may not be innocent .... but the evidence could not prove it and afterwards we were told he was a good worker, no complaints against him, a good family man and no previous record so his character leaned towards his innocence too.

Then we did a very quick afternoon trial .... delivered a verdict on that one fairly easily and went away for the weekend.

It is amazing to find that you build relationships very quickly when on a Jury ..... you are thrown in at the deep end and see a persons belief system and ideology in an intense situation (not allowed out of the room when discussing and no break .... even lunch is brought in for you !)

The second case the week after started out very similarly and we followed the same pattern of an initial vote based on what we had seen and heard .... 10 to 2 Not Guilty .... guess who was in the 2 !!!!

Once again ...we argued the case and presented our reasons for why we felt the way we did ...... after I gave my argument, I  had swayed 3 over to the Guilty side ... my partner in crime persuaded another 2 ..... leaving us at 7 to 5 thinking he was guilty. 

We left for the day and on our return the next morning .... one of the Jury members was in a dilemma, on leaving court last night she was in the bus queue as the defendant and his "gang"  had passed ..... she overheard something and although she would not say what it was... as our instructions are strictly to go with what was seen and heard in court ........ but she could not take back what she had heard, so changed her vote to guilty ..... that was quite powerful and, possibly NOT for the right reasons but 2 more were swayed, leaving it again at 10 to 2 Guilty ... 

This time though the judge wanted an 11 - 1 majority, so we had to return to the room and discuss for another couple of hours when finally one of the last 2 agreed that the likelihood of him committing the crime was high. 

On this case .... there was very little evidence either way .... it was a mugging and so much of it had to be based on eye witness accounts and character ..... to my mind, much harder.

I came away realising there is no black or white, right or wrong and how hard it must be in murder cases or high profile ones where your decisions could mean a life imprisonment or someone getting away with murder - literally ..... both my cases were fairly minor .... not to those involved I'm sure but minor in the bigger scale of things ...... and who knows if we did make the "right" decisions ..... 

BUT .... I would do it gain in a heartbeat ..... as I said in my last blog .... if it were a paid job I would apply ! 

Although I guess the novelty would wear off and you could actually become quite cynical .... hence the way it is done now, is probably the best possible way ...... just please let me get picked again .... SOON !