A few weeks ago I went for a coffee with an old friend (not old as in age !!). We had a lovely catch up and reminisced about a fabulous charitable organisation that, although I believe is still in existence in some smaller sense, it does not do many of the activities it used to.
This charity used to provide a crèche facility - this crèche had a 2 fold purpose. First was to provide "work experience" for adults with learning difficulties. The other was to provide a crèche facility for children for about 3 hours, including lunch, for an unbelievably good price !!!
This was an absolute godsend to me - seriously - I was 29 with 3 very young children and struggling with sleepless nights, very little breaks (although friends and family were brilliant) and still grieving. I was living off Widowed Mothers Allowance and still lived in a one-bedroomed flat - I needed to breathe .......... and ... even though friends and family were fantastically supportive ... I also needed to feel that I could do it on my own.
The crèche looked after Gina and Dan for 2 afternoons a week (I think ...... although my memory is not brilliant for around that period of time??). Jess was at school - so I had time to myself - I went swimming - it was so good for me - genuinely therapeutic - or I would use the time to get some housework done without 2 toddlers clamouring for attention ... or go shopping without 3 extra voices asking for things that were just out of price range !
It also provided another listening ear.
The manager (I am not sure if that was her title), who I now call my friend and who was the friend I was having coffee with - would always have the time (goodness knows how) to listen - to never judge - and to just empathise. I actually told her she should go into bereavement counselling.
I do not take anything away from the support I received from family and friends - they really were fantastic and must have got sick of hearing me grieve with them (I know they were grieving too) - my parents, brothers, sisters-in laws, friends etc would patiently let me get issues out of my system ...... but the manager was slightly different - she was a professional and she was external - she didn't have that bond that links friends and family and "obliges" you to provide that support.
She was there (unbeknown to her and them) to actually give my supporters a break - so not only did I get the physical break but they did too - I could offload some of that day's problems to her and then be able to have a conversation with family and friends that did not just revolve around my grief, or theirs, at the time!
In later years I have discovered that she also seems to know lots of the people I am working with now - because of course she worked in the children, families, social care and charitable sector.
But I still say her true calling could well lay in bereavement or other counselling - sometimes we are born with the gift of listening - sometimes it develops in us - but I think, for her, it is innate, natural, it came without her seeming to try.
So if you are reading this Virginia ........ think about it again ...and thank you !
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