Childhood

I can't resist ..... I have an opinion and am going to voice it .....

The media are all over the new survey from an online parenting site, that questioned around 1000 parents about their "tweenagers" - children aged seven to 13. It seems that a majority of those stated that they felt their child's "childhood" was over by the age of 12, with society forcing them to mature too fast.

Hello ........... !!!! 

Are you ..... or are you not ..... the parent ........ can you ..... or can you not ..... have an influence ..... or maybe they are just a little too lazy ?

Now - I confess to being an EXTREMELY lazy person - and parent. Hence I was disciplined and quite boring in my regime of rules and boundaries when the children were younger - making it easier for myself as they grew older !

Society is fast paced - the internet is freely available and so are many other media sources BUT why are parents allowing this to influence them - for example by giving their children  access to things like the internet, when they do not need to have unsupervised access?

I read that a 6 year old went to a Justin Bieber concert .... the one recently where he was late on stage ..... and parents complained that their children were getting tired.

ARGHHHHH ..... what is wrong with the world.

A 6 year old DOES NOT have to go to a JB concert - they really won't miss out - honest !

A 10 year old DOES NOT HAVE to have a facebook/myspace/twitter account 

Have parents really lost their own individuality and ability to stand up to THEIR peers because, let's face it .... a lot of this IS about parents trying to keep up with their children's friends parents !

OK -  it IS challenging to stand up to your peers even as an adult BUT you really are in control and you and your child will be much better for it eventually:

When Jess was 7, she attended her Lower School end of term disco party. She was in her party dress and looked like ...... a 7 year old, in a party dress.

Another parent arrived, with her daughter dressed as a "mini-me" with an off the shoulder boob tube and spray on tight trousers. Oh - and make up.

I said nothing (I may have thought several things ... but said nothing). However, this other parent did comment and laughed at Jessica's dress saying something on the lines of "how twee - what a cute party frock - I don't think I have ever dressed x in anything like that" !

Now - children at that age are actually less judgemental and Jess and most of her other friends had little care for designer names etc. because I HAD NEVER INSTILLED THIS IN HER ! So Jess had a lovely party - and had no concern about her "frock"

If I had been less resilient or not had the backbone that thankfully MY parents instilled in me - I may have gone out and bought some fancy inappropriately sexualised clothes for Jessica - I didn't.

90% of what children are doing before the age of 12 will be supervised in some way or another - if they are at school - they don't need a mobile phone - if they are at an after school club or dance/drame/choir/judo practice or WHATEVER - if you are running late or the instructor/tutor needs to get hold of you THEY will have a mobile phone. 

TV's in own rooms are a similar challenge - before the age of 10 children should have set bedtimes and not have the temptation of a TV in the room to disrupt their sleep - the bedrooms should be a place of quiet sanctuary (OK ..... mayhem when they are playing in them) They do not NEED a TV in their rooms - and it is far more sociable to have them in the living room with Mum and Dad anyway - sometimes it may mean acquiescing to watch a few Disney or Children's TV but the children also need to learn that sometimes they have to share the TV with the grown ups (heaven forbid!)

Then .... the Internet WHY does a child before the age of 13 need to have any of the social networking accounts ? They need the internet for homework - yes - but they don't NEED their own laptop - IF they feel left out of conversations etc. at school - THEY WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT - and maybe they can persuade others that there is a world out there that does not revolve around a screen in front of their faces!

When my children were little there was a spate of birthday parties that seemed to be getting bigger, more expensive and "flashier" each time and it was definitely beginning to look like  competition.

My children were happy to buck the trend - we did a fish and chip supper (from the chippy) and they played games like "the chocolate game" British Bulldog and Stuck in the Mud etc.  at home.

3 parents said to me after this particular party how brilliant they thought it was and that their child loved it, as it was SIMPLE - they didn't have to dress them up in costumes or drive somewhere out in the country side for go kart racing or similar (am not knocking go karts - as we have done that and it was brill! - Just that not all the best parties have to cost a fortune or be organised outside of the home)

It was just that I had changed the mindset of this constant "I have to have the best party" syndrome!

HOWEVER - I am  going to mention that actually - westernised children generally have good childhoods - they do not have to go out to work as children do  in many other countries or deal with wars or inter country conflict.

In the UK many years ago children went out to work early on - think of the boys up chimneys etc. OR even ..... from my Uncle's generation - My late Uncle Fred started an apprenticeship at the age of 14 - that is less than 100 years ago !

So in some ways our children DO have good childhoods that are certainly longer than they used to be - but ultimately - it really is down to the parents. 

So for anyone who says how hard it is to allow their child a childhood - PERLEASE .... don't find excuses - DO something about it !

Stalking parents ???

I feel a slight rant coming on ...... no ... it's not about the weather ..... no ... it's not even about Europe (though that often causes a rant) .... It's about a politician stating that "if you follow your child on a social networking site ... you are effectively stalking them" ...WTF ????

I will not mention the MP (or political party) as that is not relevant and anyway ...as always ... she would state that it was "taken out of context" but seriously - how much context do you need !

The debate was around the sexualisation of childhood - something I have been banging on about for years, so it's really nothing new (so did Mary Whitehouse but I never supported her - I was too young!)

Initially I agreed with most of the points BOTH MP's were stating.........UNTIL ... the debate turned to who's responsibility it was to stop this or at least halt the alleged advance of the issue. I have news for ALL MP's ........ it is NOT SOLELY the state's responsibility, as this particular MP was promoting. 

PARENTS have the majority of responsibility for taking the lead as to whether or not they allow this sexualisation. Peer pressure (parent on parent as well as child on child), parents thinking their child looks cute in certain clothing, lack of monitoring the sort of TV/DVD/Games the child plays - all bear a part .... but I digress (this is a whole new blog)- let's get back to the MP's statement.

We always get those in Government who feel they should control every aspect in our lives - and I know they don't usually get much airing as thankfully there is freedom of speech, debate and democracy so those minorities rarely get much further than bringing any issues to the House. I also agree that there is SOME responsibility that should be taken by the state - perhaps appropriate legislation where necessary or more information available to children in schools (during PSHE ) regarding issues like sexting and what would be considered appropriate and inappropriate relationships.

HOWEVER, ultimately most of it comes down to the parents. So my question is - what exactly does she think is wrong with monitoring your child on social network sites, what defines her definition of "stalking" your own child?

OK so I was lucky, I guess, that my children were old enough to be at the beginning of the social network explosion - but I still befriended them all on Bebo, MySpace and then, as they got older, on Facebook. Quietly tracking various incidents,comments and events and casually mentioning, when issues arose, that perhaps they should deal with something differently or not take a comment to heart as they cannot see or hear how he other person has said it. I am not saying I always got it right - just that I could and did check up on some of the things they were doing.

This is no different to how my parents would check up on any land-line phone calls, callers to the door or even (God forbid) the dreaded ...... "X's Mum wants to call you to check that Y arrangement is OK" (total social embarrassment and I thoroughly enjoyed using it to embarrass my kids too!!)

If parents are letting children younger and younger to join sites such as Facebook - surely common sense would make them realise that this opens the child up to "the whole world" and they just have that responsibility to be monitoring their progress through this virtual maze that is presented before them.

So, an MP stating that if a parent checks up on their child, it is practically stalking, is yet another example of misplaced ideology. Or worse an excuse for lazy parents to abdicate their responsibility!

In my job we hear of many examples of children being groomed on-line, the child thinking they are talking to ... say ..... a 15 year old boy and yet eventually it is discovered to be a 40 year old man..... that is an aspect of my job - I am not scaremongering ...... and am happy to report that it is still a relatively rare crime. 

However, I would rather "stalk" my child any day to protect him or her from this potential horror ... as prevention is not just better than the alternative - I don't even want to think of the alternative! This crime is global ..... and it's growing. 

So please Ms MP - think again about what you are saying. Continue the rest of your campaign against the other aspects of sexualisation of childhood  - I am right behind you there - but please don't ignore the dangers of mobile phones, social networking sites and all the other aspects of the technological age and please, please do not dismiss the responsibility of the parents - we need to know that it's out there ..... and it's dangerous !