Well actually ....what is normal ??
Life's events come and go and we all seem somehow geared to working up to them - the planning and preparation of them ... then the "event" itself and then back to "normal" (as several of my work colleagues stated when I returned to work after the Christmas break).
Of course what they mean is the day to day stuff that is in fact pretty boring .... but vital for keeping our sanity!
I love Christmas & New Year and this one just gone was lovely - very different to the last few years but very nice, none the less. I think mainly because we now have the babies and they are not yet old enough to actually "join in".
It was great having everyone here at mine - 12 adults and 2 babes. I didn't even have the worry of cooking the Turkey as Mum did that part and brought it ready-cooked for Christmas dinner!
That meal went successfully and then down to a few family games before Mum & Dad and a little later my brother & his family left and eventually so did my girls and their families. A classic Christmas with no family arguments and everyone full and happy !
I think it was New Years Eve that seemed so very different.
Since about 2006 we have had a big NYE party here ..... initially with my 3 being teenagers and us having friends over. Then, in the last 3 or 4 years, it morphed into a teenage party with friends of the kids coming over and having a great time - drinking and dancing and generally partying - in fact a couple of times I would disappear upstairs to let them get on with it - only to come back down to join in with the traditional midnight countdown and rendition of "auld lang syne!"
Last year was a little different - my grandson was a couple of months old and Gina was pregnant so the partying style was a little more subdued. However, we did still party.
This year ..... it was less of a party and more of a "gathering". Danny had gone out to party with his mates and so the usual crew that congregate here were out with him.
It was actually really lovely - quiet ..... and in many ways much more suited to my personality than the rowdier parties! We played Scattegories and in fact had got so involved in the game we nearly missed the midnight countdown - turning the telly on as the count had reached 6 !
I think this may be the pattern for another few years now and I think I will certainly enjoy the calmer aspect of it ..... although it's not quite DAH's "thing" and I can see him trailing off to join Dan and going out to PARTY ! However, I am happy to spend the time with my grandchildren and welcome the New Year in with the next generation, even though the older you get, the more it is really ....... just another day !
So yes ..... it was different ... another transitional period in life and not our "normal" NYE ...... but then .... what is normal ?
Showing posts with label Transitions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transitions. Show all posts
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Babysitting
A friend posted a comment on Facebook the other day that made me stop and think. She was mentioning that it would only be another 3 years before her eldest could babysit for her youngest.
I queried her post .... knowing that her eldest is around 13 and this meant she was waiting until her daughter would be 16 before that eventful day. She expanded, quite rightly, that she had checked this out with her Local Authority. She works in a school, is a girl guide leader and wanted to be sure she was not breaking the law by allowing her eldest to sit for the half an hour between her children getting home from school and her returning from work. Whoever she spoke to from the local council informed her that her eldest could not legally babysit for her younger sister until she was 16!
This is not true ..... in fact there is no LEGAL lower age for babysitting in the UK!
So what she had been told made me a little cross .... (not at my friend).
This sort of misinformation can cause all sorts of confusion and issues for families trying to make ends meet and possibly having to fork out for a sitter (who often charge per hour NOT half hour) or even for making a 15 year old feel dis-empowered if they are then being "sat" by a 16 year old !
In fact this opened up a little can of worms in me about responsibility and the transition for children towards gaining independence.
From a legal perspective, a child under 16 cannot be prosecuted for neglect or ill-treatment of children in their care (well I believe they can - but it is more difficult), so a parent then would be charged instead, should anything happen while the parents are away. So I do understand how this could make some parents concerned and perhaps a little wary of passing the responsibility on to a younger sitter.
HOWEVER ..... what has happened to common sense ??
There is a balance to be had in allowing your children a little freedom........ and a little responsibility.
YOU, the parent, will know your own child.
YOU will know if your children are likely to adhere to the rules you set them when you are not there, and that includes whether or not the younger ones will listen to their older sibling.
YOU will know how they are likely to cope if a situation arises that may be outside of the normal issues that might occur.
YOU alone will know whether you feel your eldest is competent enough to look after younger siblings or not ...... and that also depends hugely on the age of the younger siblings. If the younger ones are babies or toddlers then that responsibility is increased. Whereas for example with my 3 - there was only an age difference of 4 years from eldest to youngest so when Jess was 12, Gina was 10 and Dan 8.
I knew that Jess was very sensible and Gina would back her up on most things so that the 2 of them could have the required "control" of Dan (who also, was a pretty sensible lad really).
I knew that Jess had the phone numbers of my parents (who lived 5 mins up the road) and her Aunt and Uncle (who lived 2 minutes up the road) along with a variety of others who lived close enough to get to the house if a real emergency occurred.
I knew that for the odd half an hour to an hour (initially) the children would be fine ...... and once I had done that a few times I gradually increased the time spent away until, by the age of 14, Jess was fully babysitting for an evening. She was also babysitting for others and earning pocket money.
One of the arguments against giving this responsibility to an older child is that they may feel "put upon" ..... this could be easily dismissed, as long as the elder child either receives some form of recompense (not necessarily money) or at very least praised for their accomplishment. It is a huge thing to make that transition and be treated as a responsible teenager. That in itself can often be enough encouragement.
If a child is never given these responsibilities ....... chores ....... pocket money to learn how to budget ..... consequences for their own behaviour ....... then how do we expect them to become responsible, competent adults.
They will join the "generation of entitlement". All full of expectation of what they are entitled to ......... without responsibility or putting anything back into society.
So it does not help when information given by the Government, Local Authority and even the likes of the NSPCC (who advise that children under 16 should not be left in charge of younger children) all promote this bubble-wrapping behaviour towards our children.
Surely it is better to teach your child how to assess risks in a situation (yes OK .... there is a funny story of how, when my 3 heard a noise outside, they decided to investigate themselves and sent Danny, the youngest, out first !) Or to send your child on a First Aid course, or just to ensure they have access to phone numbers of family and friends close by in case of emergency!
If my friend is not the only one being given this advice (and I am sure she is not) what is going to be the next step ....... how will we know if they are responsible at 16 if we have not felt they were responsible at 15 ..... age is just a number and many 15 year old's are very competent whereas some 18 year old's just don't have that common sense. So surely it is not ABOUT the age ..... surely it is about your ability to judge your child's capabilities ...... and it is about TRUST.
Allow your child to become a competent adult by encouraging the transition .....encouraging this level of responsibility ...... learning what their limits are ....... and accepting that occasionally accidents may happen ... but that in itself is part of their learning curve !
I queried her post .... knowing that her eldest is around 13 and this meant she was waiting until her daughter would be 16 before that eventful day. She expanded, quite rightly, that she had checked this out with her Local Authority. She works in a school, is a girl guide leader and wanted to be sure she was not breaking the law by allowing her eldest to sit for the half an hour between her children getting home from school and her returning from work. Whoever she spoke to from the local council informed her that her eldest could not legally babysit for her younger sister until she was 16!
This is not true ..... in fact there is no LEGAL lower age for babysitting in the UK!
So what she had been told made me a little cross .... (not at my friend).
This sort of misinformation can cause all sorts of confusion and issues for families trying to make ends meet and possibly having to fork out for a sitter (who often charge per hour NOT half hour) or even for making a 15 year old feel dis-empowered if they are then being "sat" by a 16 year old !
In fact this opened up a little can of worms in me about responsibility and the transition for children towards gaining independence.
From a legal perspective, a child under 16 cannot be prosecuted for neglect or ill-treatment of children in their care (well I believe they can - but it is more difficult), so a parent then would be charged instead, should anything happen while the parents are away. So I do understand how this could make some parents concerned and perhaps a little wary of passing the responsibility on to a younger sitter.
HOWEVER ..... what has happened to common sense ??
There is a balance to be had in allowing your children a little freedom........ and a little responsibility.
YOU, the parent, will know your own child.
YOU will know if your children are likely to adhere to the rules you set them when you are not there, and that includes whether or not the younger ones will listen to their older sibling.
YOU will know how they are likely to cope if a situation arises that may be outside of the normal issues that might occur.
YOU alone will know whether you feel your eldest is competent enough to look after younger siblings or not ...... and that also depends hugely on the age of the younger siblings. If the younger ones are babies or toddlers then that responsibility is increased. Whereas for example with my 3 - there was only an age difference of 4 years from eldest to youngest so when Jess was 12, Gina was 10 and Dan 8.
I knew that Jess was very sensible and Gina would back her up on most things so that the 2 of them could have the required "control" of Dan (who also, was a pretty sensible lad really).
I knew that Jess had the phone numbers of my parents (who lived 5 mins up the road) and her Aunt and Uncle (who lived 2 minutes up the road) along with a variety of others who lived close enough to get to the house if a real emergency occurred.
I knew that for the odd half an hour to an hour (initially) the children would be fine ...... and once I had done that a few times I gradually increased the time spent away until, by the age of 14, Jess was fully babysitting for an evening. She was also babysitting for others and earning pocket money.
One of the arguments against giving this responsibility to an older child is that they may feel "put upon" ..... this could be easily dismissed, as long as the elder child either receives some form of recompense (not necessarily money) or at very least praised for their accomplishment. It is a huge thing to make that transition and be treated as a responsible teenager. That in itself can often be enough encouragement.
If a child is never given these responsibilities ....... chores ....... pocket money to learn how to budget ..... consequences for their own behaviour ....... then how do we expect them to become responsible, competent adults.
They will join the "generation of entitlement". All full of expectation of what they are entitled to ......... without responsibility or putting anything back into society.
So it does not help when information given by the Government, Local Authority and even the likes of the NSPCC (who advise that children under 16 should not be left in charge of younger children) all promote this bubble-wrapping behaviour towards our children.
Surely it is better to teach your child how to assess risks in a situation (yes OK .... there is a funny story of how, when my 3 heard a noise outside, they decided to investigate themselves and sent Danny, the youngest, out first !) Or to send your child on a First Aid course, or just to ensure they have access to phone numbers of family and friends close by in case of emergency!
If my friend is not the only one being given this advice (and I am sure she is not) what is going to be the next step ....... how will we know if they are responsible at 16 if we have not felt they were responsible at 15 ..... age is just a number and many 15 year old's are very competent whereas some 18 year old's just don't have that common sense. So surely it is not ABOUT the age ..... surely it is about your ability to judge your child's capabilities ...... and it is about TRUST.
Allow your child to become a competent adult by encouraging the transition .....encouraging this level of responsibility ...... learning what their limits are ....... and accepting that occasionally accidents may happen ... but that in itself is part of their learning curve !
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