Gratitude

We have had a lovely Christmas - even though I have been a little ill. 


My illness is nothing compared to the hundreds of thousands who are suffering real ill-health. I heard just before Christmas that my Australian pen friend has cancer - the future does not look good for him as he is now over 70  -  and already suffering with general poor health.


So when I read on this website of the ungratefulness of some people I just went mental !!!! I don't know how "true" these are and I don't know if they are just wind-ups ..... but they certainly wound me up !!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/people-who-didnt-get-what-they-wanted-for-christm


For those who cannot read the link it is a website of facebook statuses, from teenagers, mostly bemoaning that they did not get what they wanted and even worse - being very nasty about those who bought their main presents (usually parents) and complaining bitterly that "life is unfair".


How can it be that there are so many obnoxious and ungrateful teenagers out there? 
What on earth are their parents doing that can have produced such rude and ignorant children/adults?
I was just left reeling at the attitudes!


What has happened to being grateful to receive A gift, any gift. What has happened to not EXPECTING anything so everything is a bonus. What has happened to saying thank you (even now my 3 still apologise that they are not gonna do "thank you cards" this year so can everyone just accept a verbal thanks !!!)


These people need to do a stint in a hospice, or community service with one of the charities supporting families in poverty, or help out on a hospital ward over Christmas !!!


Then they would maybe see what "life is unfair" really means......... and yet these are the places where people still have hope, genuine joy at waking up another day (dependant on the level of pain they are in of course) and apparent happiness at receiving ANY small gift. I'm not saying this flippantly or in a Dickensian shmalzy  "Christmas Carol" way. Just ask those who do work with these organisations - yes there are still some rude families, or those who consider their dignity and pride damaged if they receive charity, or really awkward patients (oops that'd be me!) BUT for the majority, they ARE grateful and hopeful and appreciate small tokens.


Perhaps someone should seek out these facebook status owners, inform their parents as to how their child views them and make them realise that you cannot buy children's love with expensive gifts because in the long run - this is what it produces !


If I had , for one moment, thought that this had been the attitudes of my children, then their Christmas gifts would ALL have been donated to a charity by New Year!


On a lighter note - to all those I love and cherish - I hope your Christmas was a good one, you received some lovely gifts and here's to a Happy New Year ....... and maybe I will have stopped throwing up by then LOL !!

Christmas decorations part 2

OK. So . Wednesday came and went and I got a fair few decorations up - but did not get the BIG clean up completed and nor did I get the tree done (well, technically trees - we have 2 !)

So Thursday and Friday I was working .... that left Saturday. 

My husband ..... my darling DAH had organised (some time ago) for our friends to come this weekend to stay over ................................................... I love seeing my friends and we always have a good time ............................BUT THE LAST WEEKEND BEFORE CHRISTMAS ...... I ask you ?????? 

In fact several of Danny's male friends were amazed at my calmness in the face of pressure - In fact - I quote from one - "My Mum would have had a Christmas Hernia if my Dad had done that to her" Loved that phrase and will now use it for myself !

Anyway -  - picture the scene ......and I know most Mum's will empathise with these emotions ...... Saturday morning I am cleaning - smelling of bleach - the Kitchen is spotless - the dog is not allowed out, in case he comes in with Muddy paws - the toilets and bathrooms are shining - Cillet Bang is nearly used up - and I smell of that too - friends are due in about an hour - around 3.30/4.30pm and, although happy with the tidy house, the Christmas trees are bare - cue that Christmas hernia !!

Now if my girls had still been at home they would have seen the red mist descending and would have been able to intervene - they know the old tradition that the house has to be tidy for Christmas and that I go manic for a week before with all the cleaning ...... they know how far to push the "I'm the child so am not gonna bother" bit and carefully and cleverly anticipate that moment when they then get up ..... insist I sit down as I am "overdoing it" and step into the breach ..... going beyond the call of duty to continue where I left off (usually not too much left for them - probably just a bit of washing up or throwing some tinsel around)

ANYWAY ....... the girls are not home - my Dan is great BUT he does not "see" that red mist moment ..............I am struggling with the tree lights - they are tangled - my husband is outside chopping wood and doing man things *(he decided to use our smoker/BBQ thingy for the gammon we were having on Sunday!!)  I have one hour before the friends arrive - Men do not understand the time that it takes to untangle lights or to put these things up - they also don't register that I smell of bleach and Cillet Bang and would quite like a dip in the bath to freshen me up ! (I am generalising on men here - I know - some do understand ... but not mine!)

Cue Christmas Hernia - I was almost in tears - maybe a bit over dramatic but I bet some of you reading this will understand - I was mad with my DAH for inviting the friends this weekend - cross with myself for not having been more organised and procrastinating too much on Wednesday and yes ..... sad that my girls weren't here to help me  !

CUE an ANGEL (disguised as my son's girlfriend) 

I went upstairs to Dan's room where he, Hani, Chris and others were playing FIFA - My face must have said it all - even the boys at this point realised something was up - I said something along the lines of needing someone with some patience to untangle the lights and with her cheery smile and her sweet nature ..... up jumped Nicki who came gladly downstairs and happily sorted the lights ............. then offered to finish putting the tinsel and all baubles onto it and shooed me upstairs to go and have that bath!

So I believe in mini miracles at Christmas and just that general warm fuzzy feeling inside when someone has really helped you out at a time when you just needed it !!!

The house is looking lovely, tidy and decorated - the little tree in the front room is still waiting for the kids to put the baubles on (a family tradition) but the lights and tinsel are all on and ready courtesy of Nicki - and yes - the weekend was fun ........BUT hubby has been warned ..... NEVER EVER again on this "last weekend before Christmas" time of the year  !!!!!!

Christmas decorations

I absolutely LOVE Christmas .... the whole package .... even with older - adult - children - I am still full of Christmas joy.


I watch the schmalzy films, look for houses brilliantly lit up, drive through town just to see the lights ... blah blah blah!


BUT whilst I LOVE having the decorations up ....... I have found that this year I really really really can't cope with actually putting them up.  I think I just have to be in ABSOLUTELY they right mood!


This always seemed to work OK when the kids were at school - I would wait till they broke up for the holidays, then it would be all hands on deck with Christmas songs etc to put the decorations up. This is the first year with none of my children at school, and 2 not even at home - I have  checked the term dates for their old schools and today is the day ......... but - procrastination is my friend ..... I have even got the cillit bang out and have wiped down all the skirting boards !!!! 


I am now blogging ..... BUT the decorations still need putting up !!


I have an excuse for the next few minutes - last year we got a huge 7 foot fake tree - I have just got it out from the cupboard under the stairs and it has given me back-ache - seriously - I had to get Dan to actually put it together too, as it is too heavy for me to lift the top part on (plus it is too high LOL!!)


So ..... gonna finish blogging and get back to it - and in an hour or so I will be very happy that I did - I just sometimes wish I was a witch from Harry Potter and could conjure up a spell with the flick of a wand ....... and it would all be done !!!

Thank goodness for internet shopping

Well here I am, sat in front of the fire in my PJ's feeling crap cos of my man flu ....... definitely need to pick myself up as I really want to go out tonight (although have already cancelled a lunch date). I was not due in at work today and had planned to get lots done in the house so I could get the decorations up this weekend - but have no energy so that's not gonna happen!


SO ....what to do when you are stuck in the house ............ lots still ....... get the last of the Christmas pressies on-line - get the grocery shopping done on-line - get the travel insurance for our cruise in Feb on-line - check emails - facebook - blog - tweet ........ wwow (see what I did there - www LOL) ..... there is actually a lot I CAN do !!!!!


I could even send Christmas cards by email - I have one of those accounts for electronic birthday and Christmas cards - to be honest I doubt I will use that as I still like sending the physical cards- so although not on-line I will also be doing the cards too today - and finishing wrapping the presents I already have.


YES - a day sick can still be productive and ..... if I still feel awful ..... I can crawl back into bed for a sneaky nap as and when required !!!

Dreams

Perhaps I am a little odd ........... perhaps I don't realise that maybe everyone dreams in the same way ... or maybe not everyone, possibly just a few ? None of us ever really know how another person views their dreams.


I consider myself quite lucky. I dream in "Movie picture motion". I can actually DIRECT most of my dreams ! On some nights I feel as though I have not slept as I have been "busy" directing my dreams .... yes I know it sounds silly but seriously it happens. I can't choose the start of a dream, but once in full flow I can manipulate the dream to prevent it becoming a nightmare or sometimes, just to make it flow. 


I don't really know how long I have been able to do this for - but it seems like it has been all my life. More importantly, when the children were younger and had the occasional nightmare I think I may have helped teach them how to do this ..... so they could get themselves out of their nightmare. I advised them to choose an animal that could jump into their dream and rescue them - I always had 2 animals - a white stallion (no surprises there) and my tiger - Esso ! This always worked for me when younger - I have no need for them now but I know this worked for the kids too - Jess tells me to this day that she still "has" her animal!


I have only ever had a handful of nightmares in my life, 3 of which I still remember even though they were all many years ago (one I thought would make a great horror/action/mediaeval adventure movie - once I stopped it from being a nightmare it panned out that well in my imagination!). But for the majority of the time I make my dreams good ones. What I am finding as I get older is that I am tending to "dream" less - when my head hits the pillow I am out and just asleep, if I am dreaming then I no longer recall those dreams.


 I actually find that sad ... as I am, by nature a dreamer ... and always looked forward to my dreams.


So what about you .......... do you dream in black and white? In colour? Like a film or just bits and bobs randomly put together? And - - can you too, direct your dreams ?????

Confessions of a hoarder

My name is Jane ......... and I am a hoarder.


There - I said it ! 


I am not as bad as some of those you see on some TV programmes BUT I really do keep all sorts of rubbish! .......... The point is ... it's not rubbish to me !


I was sorting out the Office the other day. (It used to be the downstairs front room but since Gina left home I have transferred it to her room. The downstairs room has been restored to the dining room!)      So ... in the first wave of clean out ... I did get rid of lots of stuff - mainly old documents from the business - things that had to be kept legally for a set number of years but now I could get rid of. 


We transferred the filing cabinets and desk upstairs and then I began filing ...... and sorting ....... and attempting to throw away ....... but that just didn't seem to pan out !!


A job that should have taken maybe a couple of hours began to drag out and ended up taking the WHOLE day - and I'm still not finished !!!


I came across little notes that the kids had written for me, old Christmas lists of presents bought and to whom I was giving them, work I had done for the Pre-school  15 years ago ........ and I just couldn't bin any of it !!!


I know the little notes are sentimental and people will understand me wanting to keep those but - the work for the pre-school is now out of date and as for the Christmas lists...... !


Of course there was other stuff as well - more up-to-date information and paperwork from the business and my last job but why oh why am I keeping it ?? 


I think - "ooh - that might be interesting and useful one day" - but you just know that the only time I will look at it will be in 10 years time when that too, is well out of date !!! BUT I JUST CAN'T BIN IT !


I think its one of those things that happens not just to me but universally - When I have got rid of some old kitchen utensil or some previous information you can guarantee that 2/3 weeks later there will be "now, where did I put x - that would be really useful today!" IT ALWAYS HAPPENS as soon as I have got rid of the thing I need it !


Or is it just that old sentimentality - these days you can download any information from the internet - including old versions of documents I have - you can buy new goods readily (if not reasonably cheaply too, from supermarkets) - Why would I need a box full of old tea-towels and hand-towels (the Disney and children's ones the kids had when little).


Yes - most of it is sentimentality - one day I will sort it all out properly - but thankfully, at the moment we have enough room in the house for several storage boxes - some in the attic, some in the cupboard under the stairs and some just sat there in Gina's room (the Office) that will remain for a little longer, till I either have to move to a smaller house or reach the age of 90 ..... and decide that I'd better clear out the diaries before someone else does !!

Jezza

Thursday 24th November was a great day --- really good fun, despite the few panic moments when we thought we were not gonna make it !


Jess, Gina, Nikki, Zoe and I set off just before 10am to travel to Manchester Granada TV Studios, to be in the audience for a Jeremy Kyle show! The journey was ok until the junction where the M6 turns off into about 6 different lanes - yes - we took the wrong turn ........ I had printed off directions BUT  ................................ 


Zoe to the rescue (well and all the others cause they all have smart phones LOL). Zoe had bought her Sat Nav and we plugged it in.


UNFORTUNATELY - That didn't help much ...................... not initially anyway - the SatNav gave some directions a little late .......like "turn left now" when we had already gone right !


OK I ADMIT IT AND I OFFICIALLY CONFESS ..... I am rubbish with directions !


I regularly get lost when presented with somewhere to get to and there must be a scientific calculation that doubles the chance of getting lost when I have a time limit ........ 


The directions to the studios that I had printed, suggested that it would take 3 hours to get there - we naturally thought that if we left at 10am and had to get there by 2pm that left us an hour for any distractions OR for us to get lost ...... hoping that we wouldn't - and could then stop for lunch or coffee.


Well .......... forget eating or stopping for a coffee - we took the first wrong turn from my printed directions - then another wrong turn from the SatNav each taking us about half an hour out of the way and to get back on track.


With 2pm fast approaching we got to the right location .........only to find that the car park shown on the reverse of the ticket was just for Granada employees


ARGGHHHHHHH - (we do have a suspicion that the car parking attendant was having us on actually but had no time to argue the toss) 


THANK GOODNESS for retail parks and massive Sainsburys stores - we parked within a 10 minute walk. it was 1.50pm and the priority tickets stated that although doors open at 2pm we should be there 10 minutes early!!!


CUE frantic race across town - crossing horrendously busy and wide roads - teetering on high heels and with  one very unfit older lady (that'd be me) and one who has just had a baby - huffing and puffing like we had reached the end of a marathon.


Nikki and Zoe (the fitter amongst us)  ran on and got to the doors - they signalled to us to slow down and as we turned the corner we realised why - it was 2pm and we had rushed for nothing ... as everyone - even in the priority line - was still queuing. 


This was, in fact, a godsend as The Unfit amongst us had chance to breathe and reduce the colour in our cheeks. We queued for another 10 minutes, (losing half a packet of biccies on the pavement during the course of queuing) and EVENTUALLY we were let in.


NOW - bear in mind we had just travelled for 3 and a half hours - had run miles (well maybe a mile at best) had queued for 10 mins ......what would be the first thing on your mind ...... THE LOO !!!


We were searched (I had to hand in my mini Swiss pen knife) and then we made a bee line for the conveniences .......... only to find that there were just 2 cubicles and the queue for these was out of the door !!!!


WHY oh WHY were there only 2 and WHY OH WHY were both blocked ..... yes honestly - epic fail Granada !!!!! (oh must just mention seeing both Michelle Collins and the actress who plays Sally Webster - bet they didn't have to wait for the loo!)


SO finally - we had refreshed ourselves in some not too pleasant facilities - and went into the Studios.


We were sat right next to Jezza'a entrance and sorry to announce this but ...actually .... he is not very tall!


I am not sure if this was the reason they asked Gina to sit down when he came in, or whether it was genuinely the camera angle, but whatever the reason - as the rest of the audience stood up when he came in - she had to stay sitting.


I will not reveal details of the show - in fact the guests themselves were not that exciting. JUST will mention that Jezza is actually SOOOO much funnier than you imagine - he has a good sense of humour and kept the audience entertained in the breaks.


So for an epic journey there we spent just 3 hours at the Studio and then it was done - Maccy D's for tea (Manchester Maccy's was excellent! - probably because we were all starving by 5pm having had nothing to eat since brekky other than biscuits) Then the journey home.


All in all a fantastic day and the girls made the journey such fun - the conversations home shall never be repeated again or put into print !


Now all I can say about the journey home was that it was SIMPLE - why is it always the way NO WRONG TURNS at all - straight run through and home before 9pm !!!!!!!!!


Like I say - there must be a calculation regarding lost directions and time constraints !!!


The 6 hour travelling time thought was so worth it and I recommend anyone to try going to a Tv show - any show - just for the experience - I can cross that off my list and we will very probably be going again !!!!

The gift of listening.

A few weeks ago I went for a coffee with an old friend (not old as in age !!). We had a lovely catch up and reminisced about a fabulous charitable organisation that, although I believe is still in existence in some smaller sense, it does not do many of the activities it used to.


This charity used to provide a crèche facility - this crèche had a 2 fold purpose. First was to provide "work experience" for adults with learning difficulties. The other was to provide a crèche facility for children for about 3 hours, including lunch, for an unbelievably good price !!!


This was an absolute godsend to me - seriously - I was 29 with 3 very young children and struggling with sleepless nights, very little breaks (although friends and family were brilliant) and still grieving. I was living off Widowed Mothers Allowance and still lived in a one-bedroomed flat - I needed to breathe .......... and ... even though friends and family were fantastically supportive ... I also needed to feel that I could do it on my own. 


The crèche looked after Gina and Dan for 2 afternoons a week (I think ...... although my memory is not brilliant for around that period of time??). Jess was at school - so I had time to myself - I went swimming - it was so good for me - genuinely therapeutic - or I would use the time to get some housework done without 2 toddlers clamouring for attention ... or go shopping without 3 extra voices asking for things that were just out of price range !


It also provided another listening ear.


The manager (I am not sure if that was her title), who I now call my friend and who was the friend I was having coffee with - would always have the time (goodness knows how) to listen - to never judge - and to just empathise. I actually told her she should go into bereavement counselling.


I do not take anything away from the support I received from family and friends - they really were fantastic and must have got sick of hearing me grieve with them (I know they were grieving too) - my parents, brothers, sisters-in laws, friends etc would patiently let me get issues out of my system ...... but the manager was slightly different - she was a professional and she was external - she didn't have that bond that links friends and family and "obliges" you to provide that support.


She was there (unbeknown to her and them) to actually give my supporters a break - so not only did I get the physical break but they did too - I could offload some of that day's problems to her and then be able to have a conversation with family and friends that did not just revolve around my grief, or theirs, at the time!


In later years I have discovered that she also seems to know lots of the  people I am working with now - because of course she worked in the children, families, social care and charitable sector.


But I still say her true calling could well lay in bereavement or other counselling - sometimes we are born with the gift of listening - sometimes it develops in us - but I think, for her, it is innate, natural, it came without her seeming to try.


So if you are reading this Virginia ........ think about it again ...and thank you !

Buses, choices, opportunities, dilemmas !!

OK ... so ...... after 3/4 months unemployed ... I now have options.


Why oh why do opportunities all come at once - they are like Buses - you wait for ages for one and then 3 come together !!!!!


I am trying to be very practical about this - "a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush"  I have done my list of pros and cons and am going to follow my head and ...... up until yesterday .... my heart. I have chosen and hope that it will prove to be the right choice.


I have 7 potential opportunities. YES honestly - SEVEN. One is a given and self employed, but will take me another month or two to prepare and to go through a process ..... so I can pretty much dismiss that one. Another 2 further possibilities have not even yet been properly advertised and so may not come to fruition ..... so realistically I cannot count on them and I will pass on both of them. This leaves 4 options with only 3 confirmed. 


Of the 3 confirmed - One, I am thoroughly enjoying at the moment but it is not one of my areas of strengths, so am not sure of the longevity of it.  One, I can sadly dismiss, a nice opportunity but it is not enough hours. 


The third is THE ONE that I had been looking forward to, hoping for .....  and have been offered today! I would have been over the moon with this ................................. if another opportunity had not presented itself yesterday !!!! 


Don't get me wrong - I actually am still over the moon with my offer, it really is my "dream" hours and a nice position however,  at this point in time, for a fixed term only.


It is this 4th opportunity that presented my dilemma. It is a really great position and one that will probably not arise again for me in the near future, if ever again ! BUT it will mean going back to full time work .... good money ..... less time ..... AND of course - I have no idea if I would be accepted or not. It has not even got to interview stage ! 


SO - using my head ... and I guess really my heart ..... telling me time is just as important as money - I am happy to announce that I am back in employment - and not just casual work .................... 


Well ..... for a fixed term anyway !

Acronyms and My DAH

Hello all!


Sorry it has been over a week since my last blog - I have had a busy week and went away for the weekend for my hubby's birthday.


Now that I am a Nana, I have looked on a few websites and web forums for information for my daughter. During some of these searches, I had noticed that a there are some web forums that seem to be quite "clicky" - everyone appears to know each other fairly well and they even have their own language. 


Now ........ it has taken me several years to suss the kids' "language" and I am quite proud of the fact that I have kept up with some of it - including new acronyms such as LOL and BTW and WTF which I use quite happily (well maybe not the last one very often!). 


So ..... when logging on to a particular site I was dismayed to find it filled with various acronyms  ...  that were completely new to me ...... yes I am ageing !!


The best by far was SAH Mums - translated as Stay At Home Mums. I loved it ... and hated it at the same time!  


My concern was that any new Mum logging on to the site may actually be a little intimidated by the "cosy" familiar tones between those who very obviously use the forums a lot. Those new Mums  may not stick around to find out about the acronyms used.


NOW please don't get me wrong - I am all for these forums that can be equally really helpful and reassuring for Mums who may feel  isolated at home or those who may not have close contact with parents or friends living nearby BUT there was also a "judgemental" feeling in a couple of posts I checked out - almost as if parenting and motherhood was a competition. 


IT ISN'T!  .............................. I was put off.


I was also inspired to bequeath to my husband (with the help of my friend who we visited this weekend) his own acronym - none of this SAHM or even SAHD ..... nope he (along with my friend's husband) are now our very own DAH's


Delinquent Annoying Husbands!


WE love them dearly and boy ... did we have a good partying weekend but yes - neither of them have grown up (they are men - they don't need to LOL). I live in the reality that comes with age, where we have dismissed the rose tinted glasses but still love them as they are !!!!


As for the web forums ..... take it from someone who has sometimes made the mistake of being too quick to judge - keep up the good work but be mindful of newbies - help them feel welcome and don't compete with your child's progress or "judge" those whose children may not have reached the specific milestones at the "right" times ..... just be happy that you all have something in common - a love of your family and the ability and opportunity to connect to others through the wonder of the world wide web!  

A Ghost story for Halloween

I was 13 years old and on a fabulous, long awaited for dream riding holiday. Mum and Dad had generously  agreed to let me go and it really was my dream come true that year. My best friend had come with me and we were having such a great time. The farm was a lovely huge, rustic, old building with several rooms upstairs and downstairs and nooks and cranny's for games of hide and seek! 


There were about 20 girls (yes all girls) of slightly differing ages - ranging from 12 - 16years but we all seemed to get on, as our common love was the horses.


The days were filled with mucking out, grooming, riding, learning new skills and preparing for a gymkhana at the end of the week. We were all pretty shattered most nights, a combination of fresh air and hard work! Bedtimes were fun too - we were separated into groups of 6-8 and in 3 "dormitories" with bunk beds and a lot of girlie giggles, pillow fights and running in and out of the rooms playing tricks on each other.


One night I woke up at about 3am. At this point I was not really sure what woke me - I did not usually wake at this time of night - but I decided I needed the toilet, so got up out of the bed and set off to the tiny room right at the end of a long .... dark corridor.


I had gone a few paces when I felt suddenly really cold - goosebumps raised on my arms - I just decided to move a little quicker, dismissing the coldness as the damp of an old house and nothing else ... plus ... I was still half asleep and getting a little desperate for the loo!


I got to the tiny room, switched on the light .......... and carried out my business.


I then noticed that the room, which had been warm as I entered also seemed to get very cold, very quickly. I hurried up ..... and turned off the light.


As I came out of the room and entered the corridor ............... I heard a blood curdling scream ............ and then crying .............. and then ............


" Jane, Jane get back here NOW"


I ambled back with no real concept of a need to run ...... I saw the girls from the other Dorm in a bit of a state at the other end of the corridor - they asked if I was OK and ..... because I was still half asleep ..... I said yes and .......... just ambled back to my bed !


There was a lot of commotion in the other Dorm but my Dormitory was peaceful and quiet ... so I just drifted right back off to sleep!


When I got up in the morning we went down to the breakfast room. all the girls were in there and the farm owner was dishing up breakfast whilst comforting 2 girls in particular. It seemed as though she was also trying to keep them calm and to not talk too much about why they were upset. BUT girls will be girls and gossip is our favourite pastime. Neither of them however would actually look at me and I began to feel a little paranoid ....in fact .... I noticed no-one from that Dorm was actually talking to me ...... had I upset someone?


So when we all settled and the owner had gone out of the room I intended to ask what I had done but one of them quickly rounded on me and asked if I was OK and "didn't I feel anything ?"


Anything about what ?


Then she told me what she had seen ................ 


One of them woke up in the night thinking she saw a figure run through their Dorm. She was so convinced she cried out (which I think is what woke me initially) and all the girls from her Dorm woke up trying to suss what it was. By the time they had worked up the courage to check outside the corridor .... I was coming back from the toilet .......... 


They SAW in front of me - what appeared to be a wolf and a shadowy figure behind me that turned and then seemed to RUSH through me and out of the window, with the wolf following. 


THEY ALL SWEAR THEY SAW IT.


And then ......... from the corner of the room ....... the grandma spoke ........... 


"That was Old Mac ..... our wolfhound ........ 50 years ago he chased a burglar onto the balcony ...... it's not there any-more ....... it was riddled with woodworm ...... it collapsed under their weight ...... they just both fell to the ground and died"


There was absolute silence from 20 girls.


None of us slept the next night. Thankfully it was the last night and although I never actually saw it - I know I felt the icy coldness  !!!!!!

Fireworks. Diwali. Bonfire Night

Arrgghhhh !!!


OK - so maybe I am an old fogey - a party pooper - BUT why, oh why, do people insist on setting off fireworks at 11.30pm at night !!!!!!!


I actually really like bonfire night - particularly the more English traditional "Penny for the Guy" (does anyone do that any more?). Sparklers. Bangers. Baked potatoes. Cold noses and warm hats, gloves and scarves.


AND Firework displays ....... whether that be larger organised ones or smaller home led ones. It actually is another one of our family traditions - with home videos of the children growing up - having firework night at Grandy and Grandpa's with sparklers, baked potato, baked beans, cheese .... mmmmmmmmm.


SO ..... I do enjoy it all.           UP TO A POINT.           
And there is a point - and that point should be up to about 10pm - 10.30pm at the latest!


Most younger children who love and enjoy these displays should be in bed by 9pm anyway (if not before) and as for the teenagers, then they have an hour or so afterwards. BUT by 10pm - many people are thinking of turning in - those who have to work the next day - those who may be postmen, post-women, Nursery Nurses on an early shift, ANY early shift workers, Mum's and Dad's with young baby's trying to sleep etc. etc. etc.!


Even before I had our 3 children, Mark and I had a group of friends (the Granada lot) and we would have parties at one of the houses - including bonfire night ones - and would always be finished outside by 10pm.


I understand that most of the organised displays DO finish earlier - and no one can really control some of the teenagers who choose to buy the odd firework and set them off late at night (unless the Police happen to be in the right place at the right time). What I would really just like, is that all the others - families with private parties - decide to finish at a decent hour !!!


Last night we put up with it till 11.30pm - 11.30pm !!!!!  


No - I am not a party pooper - but that is just plain RUDE and inconsiderate in my book! 


So for the next few nights of Diwali, Halloween and Bonfire Night PLEASE PLEASE have a bit of consideration for others when setting off your displays !!! 


Thanks :-)

Living in the Now

Why is it that all my best "blog" thoughts come to me when I am:


a) walking the dog
b) in the bath
c) in bed at night drifting off to sleep


Seriously - it drives me nuts - I can "write" in my head a whole Blog - have a conversation with myself (in my head - I'm not that mad yet) about whether it will be good or not ... but then ..... when I get in front of the netbook ... whooosh ... it's all gone!


It's not all completely gone (otherwise there would be no blogs at all !) but the topics sometimes drift away - or what sounded brilliant in my head doesn't quite flow when I have put it down on here. So this week I had such a choice ...... 


Gaddafi - all those shocking images; 
Dale Farm and how that rolled out (Tony Ball for PM ?); 
Westlife - so sad they are splitting up - Jessica's first concert with me was a Westlife one ! 


I even thought of mentioning how majorly hot Matt Goss is looking in his 40's (sad I know) - oh .... well - there you go ..... I have mentioned it !


Then I visited Jess on Friday afternoon and ... after cuddles with Kovu,  conversations with Jess and my niece - my niece said ..... surely you should blog about this !


AND SHE IS RIGHT!


All these other things are happening and we are part of the world in which they are happening BUT at this point in time they don't affect me directly - I'm not saying "I'm alright Jack" just that we all need to live in our own moments - our own time and place. 


Part of my diploma for the Life Coaching dealt with "helping clients to learn to live in the now whilst promoting them to be the best they can be" I think that is great and totally agree with that concept BUT also, we must remember that each person's own individual best may not be at the same benchmark as yours or others.


Some people find success in academic achievement, some in sporting greatness, others find it in balancing their finances that month, having a roof over their heads, being a good Mum or Dad or friend - the "best they can be". 


ME - I am basically very VERY lazy - I push myself with my lists because otherwise I would achieve nothing - honestly - I could easily just sit and read a good book all the time or walk H or watch telly. I have identified my biggest weakness and deal with it by giving myself deadlines and goals so I actually can look back and think - hey yeah - I DID THAT !


BUT it doesn't really matter - success is measured on a truly individual scale and for most people it should NOT just be about financial success or possessions or material wealth - it should be happiness - that individual feeling for each and every one of us (ok so money can help and some people can and do have both). 


I sometimes think that some of us have lost that simple goal in our often hectic lives.


YET, on Friday I was blessed with another wonderful glimpse of that "living in the now" moment - watching a Lion King DVD with my grandson snuggled in my arms ... my niece and I chattering away ... as Jess pottered about tidying her house, chattering back at us.      


I would recommend each of us to take a 2 -5 minute break today - perhaps after reading this blog - stop - and just think about what you have, where you have been and where you are now - without wish lists, targets, goals or thoughts of the past - and hopefully most of us will find that our moment - right now - is good !

The Blind Side

Well ........ it's been 2 weeks in the coming ........... and it hit very hard today.


We call them "Mark Moments" and usually they do literally just come crashing in on me, blind-sided. Never quite realising or noticing the "thing" that triggers it (bit like the migraines). However, equally, I do know of some of the incidents/events/occasions that will set me off - and usually I prepare for them (or at least avoid making it worse - which very stupidly I did today!)


I actually have a small confession ...... when I started this blog I decided I would be truthful - warts and all, about anything and everything - but that's not always easy.


I edited my blog 2 weeks ago - some few who clicked on it as I published it (I know you were one Suzie!) will have seen a glimpse of my feelings ..... but then I deleted a comment as I FELT that it was a far too happy a day to bring the tiny twinge I had into it - it was a day to celebrate - one for my daughter - and not to be tarnished with a comment that was really superfluous, as anyone who knows all of us, will know that he was not far from our thoughts.


Then, on Friday I had aches and pains and thought I was coming down with a cold - I began to get a little melancholy so decided that - as ever - the best way to deal with a poor mood is to get busy ...... and BOY was I busy !!! I had a bath to warm me up and then was on a Mission  - I washed clothes, ironed, filled the pond, tended the herb-garden, made rock cakes, wrote the blog, threw the ball for Harley and went to fish n chips!


So - that got me through Friday. Saturday was a good day (even though Wales lost !). Then Sunday ........ Jess, Gina and I went to see the Lion King in 3D.


Again - those who know us well will know that - very sad as we are - that film holds some happy/sad/poignant memories - it came out the year after Mark died and the kids loved it - we watched that (and Beauty and the Beast) till the tapes wore out ! 


Now ..... link that in with the fact that Kovu (the name comes from Lion King 2) has just been born, Daniel (Simba) has turned 18 and you can imagine 3 slightly emotional grown women having a mini blub at a Disney cartoon film (for children!) yesterday !!! 


So ..... I guess today was not really one that came from the blind side - it was predictable.


Mark and I had planned to grow old together, watch our children grow and watch our grandchildren grow. That was taken away from us.


Of course it didn't help that - like the complete plonker that I am - I then went and indulged a little in the grief, by reading my widow's diary - so I am now aching ... not through a possible cold ... but through heartache. 


And yet ... I am still full of hope and joy and not actually sad ....... I have moved my "2 steps 4ward" and can have these moments of utter grief .... but bounce back - to then go and throw the ball for Harley ... because that is life - and life moves on - and letting go of that grief each and every time ... is all a part of it !

Squirrels as Neighbours

We have a squirrel. Well probably 2 squirrels ......... as we think there could be a nest.


Our house/garden backs on to a wooded area that then leads to a meadow/riverbank and on to the river, we are very lucky. 


However, the trees in this wooded area were tiny saplings when we moved here and are now rather large with branches growing over our fence. This actually isn't a problem for us and it means that, at this time of year, we are entertained by the squirrel ..... and the dog.


There is an acorn tree at one end of the fence and the squirrel's nest is at the other end of the fence ........ so ..... when collecting nuts, he finds it easier to run along the top of the fence from one end to the other rather than jumping across trees.


This drives Harley BONKERS ! 


He catches a glimpse of the kamikaze squirrel and chases him manically from the ground, barking furiously.


I am sure this barking, when it occurs, may be a little irritating but, having been at home for the last 3 months, it is not excessive, no more than other barking dogs around this area and, for the majority of our neighbours, it occurs sporadically during the daytime - so most of them are out at work. 


NOW ....... we get on with most of our neighbours ........ but there are 3 who are not so keen on us ...... and one who actively goes out of her way to be awkward.


I am not sure and have no evidence as to who popped the letter in my door - but I do have my suspicion ....... sadly, the person who dropped this letter in, was obviously a coward and not prepared to actually discuss the issue - it was simply signed "a neighbour".


It was not a complaint about the noise (that seems to be a recurring theme for our family - see the blog "Turn it up")  .......... but about the fact that we must be treating the dog badly !!!


How, what, why would you come to that conclusion ????


We hear lots of dogs around here barking - sometimes you cannot be sure if it is the same dog or just coming from the same area - sometimes it is dogs out for a walk round the back or in the field - sometimes it can be a "conversation" between neighbouring dogs (that Harley often joins in with too) - often it will be Harley and his son Hendrix, who lives a few doors down "talking" 


This letter assumed that I was not at home - assumed that Harley was suffering from "separation anxiety" (someone has been watching too much "Dog Whisperer") and stated that he barked endlessly for hours on end - which is laughable as I AM HERE! He is often inside - curled up with me while I am writing this sort of blog ! As he is now - whilst another dog is out the back  ..... barking - Harley is not interested as he is curled up in Greg's seat - half asleep ! Why would someone make such ridiculous assumptions - How could you tell a distressed bark from a: 


"I'm gonna get you .. squirrel"           bark ? 


Whoever it was threatened to call the RSPCA - please do - I don't believe in threats - just do it - but it makes no impact as the letter is anonymous so I cannot even speak to the person to say ........... he is barking at A SQUIRREL !!!!!!!


If he had been whimpering that would/could be different. Why would you even think of reporting it to the RSPCA without first knocking on the neighbours door to see if there was a problem - if you assumed the neighbour was out then perhaps the assumption should be that the neighbour would not realise that the dog was "distressed" so you would inform them - well I would - in a polite and concerned manner rather than a very threatening one (yes - I know I get over passionate about some things - I got others to read the letter to see if I was overreacting - they did not believe I was - it was threatening and with a nasty tone !)


So now ..... I am encouraging Harley to go out and bark at the squirrel as much as possible in the hope that these deluded neighbours will call the RSPCA - who can come and verify that my dog is fine - and then hopefully the RSPCA will report back to the neighbour that they are slightly "off their rocker" and should get a life !


In the meantime - I am perfectly happy to keep on good terms with my squirrel neighbour and wish that those neighbours who I don't get on with, would keep to themselves, as the squirrel does, and just get on with their own business !

Nana's Notes

Could be the title for another one of my books: I have 3 in preparation already !


It's such a different and unknown role .... being a Nana ......... Kovu and all that he brings is now Jessica's story ..... not mine .....OK I play a part - but I have to step back, support them, but let them make their own way!


I also have to acknowledge that my parenting experience of newborns is 18 years old - ancient history!


I need to accept that although much of my knowledge is common sense, it is also very dated and current "best practice" and scientific advancements etc. have made improvements or changes to how I may have cared for a newborn. Not that things are really that different  .....  


One huge improvement is the neonatal ward at Cygnet Wing in Bedford. When Kovu had to be re-admitted due to his infection I was just so impressed at how the nurses were there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over. The whole atmosphere on the ward was pleasant - happy - staff just seemed relaxed but purposeful. 


This is the attitude I should adopt - the "there .... but not overbearing .... there to advise but not to preach ...... there to support but not take over" I hope I am achieving this already but, like having a first child, having a first grandchild is perhaps the greatest learning curve!


You don't stop learning just because the children have left home. You just have to start looking at things in a different way. Thankfully, I have a Mum too! She has become the sounding board - she always has been - but it really helped a couple of days ago to go to her and run things past her !


I guess that is where I am lucky - how do families manage when the parents/grandparents/great-grandparents are not close by or available for that support? There is so much information available on the web but equally that can be information overload!


So, maybe there is a need for Nana's notes ? Am sure there are already several books on being a grandmother but then ....... there's always room for one more !!!