Tomorrow will be 19 years since Mark died ........ 19 YEARS !
As I have posted before ... of course life goes on but I am definitely having a bit of a down day today. I will be spending tomorrow with my children & grandchildren .... we will do something fun ..... and be happy and sad and remember him with love.
Soon after he died my Mum told me something a friend had told her, when his daughter died .... I had known of the prayer below for many years but this friend put it in words that really hit home ....
It doesn't matter what you do - you can Scream. Shout. Rant. Rave. Kick the door (or the cat). Cry. Weep uncontrollably. Be angry. ........
None of that will make a blind bit of difference .... you may have to do these things to keep some sanity within your grief ..... but ultimately ... ULTIMATELY ..... you have to ACCEPT that this person you loved is dead, gone ..... not coming back.
If you have a faith, then of course you will believe you will be in their presence again someday ... but as of right now - their time on earth is done.
Once you can find that acceptance - brutal as it is - THEN you can carry on - still taking your grief with you, accepting that you may cry at times even after 9/19/29 years .... but you can live life again.
You cannot change death - so accept it ........
I, like many others, was moved to tears as Gary Barlow showed tremendous strength of character as he sang his heart out on Saturday night.
I do not know how it feels to lose a child and will not even try to comment ..... but I do know that at Mark's funeral ..... I could not sing the hymns I so desperately wanted to sing for him.
I leaned over to my Mum and said that I couldn't do it .... so could she sing for me .... believe me, a hard ask, as she was already holding me up and upset herself. At that request however, she falteringly began and bravely choked out a verse ...... I repeatedly look back and realise how much strength that took.
So on Saturday night I twittered, along with hundreds of others, about how brilliant I thought it was that Gary had managed to sing such an emotional song at such a tragic time for him and his family ....
One of the others who tweeted was Jason Manford (a comedian) and perhaps, because he is also a public figure ..... some of the responses to his tweet, attacking Gary Barlow were just awful.......is it ignorance, maliciousness, or just plain lack of compassion ........ I wish I knew ..... but Jason wrote a fantastic response that equally had me in tears.
I felt strongly enough that I wanted my blog to share it ..........
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jason-manford/the-gary-barlow-tragedy-and-internet-idiots/10151995627430696
Well said !
I am emotional ....... yes I know I am often a tad too emotional but honestly .... I am genuinely sad that the Olympics is coming to an end !
In my youth I used to watch a bit of sport ... mainly due to my sports fanatic boyfriend/fiancée/husband BUT even then, I rarely got excited unless it was the Rugby or we (England/GB) were in with a chance of winning.
I recall watching a few events at various Olympics in the 80's and 90's but cannot recall watching ANY of the more recent ones - even with some good results from team GB. I had absolutely no idea what medals we came home with after the last Olympics (Beijing I believe - see -- not even sure where it was held !!)
SO ... this Olympics has been such a revelation ....... I have shouted ... no screamed at the telly ..... I have jumped out of my chair cheering Team GB on (Mo Farah !) ..... I have cried with Victoria Pendleton, Shanaze Reade and others at their near misses ....... I have been amazed and impressed at the New Zealand Hockey player who came back on to play after a massive bash to her head from a Dutch player's hockey stick and I have held back the lump in my throat of sheer pride for so many of our youngsters - Laura Trott, Nicola Adams, Anthony Joshua and of course Tom Daley to mention just a few.
Yes, I caught Olympic fever in a big way and it came as a complete surprise to me.
Maybe it is because I have been able to watch it all, as I am on the 6 week school holiday. Maybe it is because it is being held in UK. Maybe it has been the good "marketing" or perhaps just that the whole thing started of brilliantly with the excellent Opening Ceremony ...........
Whatever the reason ..... I don't know ..... but I am sad that it is nearly over .... kicking myself for not trying to get tickets and genuinely proud to be British ......even ... (yes I am gonna say it) ... happy that my taxes have gone towards funding this fabulous event.
I am thoroughly looking forward to the Closing Ceremony tonight and then the Paralympics ..... and hope that will help wean me off gently.
Will I get as involved for Rio in 4 years time? ... Who knows .... but I certainly have a new found respect for these wonderful athletes and hope, like many others are, that they become the new role models for a generation !
So now I have read the trilogy, I consider I am able to blog a little on this book .... and In My Humble Opinion ..... it's OK.
Not great ....... but not that bad either - although it seems to have created a Marmite response .. your either love it or hate it - I think my assessment is somewhere in the middle. There are several good bits about it and possibly more bad but I have definitely read worse and cannot understand the strong views/emotional responses that it seems to evoke!
Let's agree that it is not well written .... but then that means, in it's simplicity, it has become an "easy" acceptable read for several people who don't usually read - that's a plus.
My absolute favourite aspect is that Mr Grey insists on wearing a condom - E.L James - if just ONE person thinks twice and uses a condom because of your book - your work here is done!
Quite frankly, I got bored after the 3rd or so sex scene - they really did become predictable and lost my interest so much so, that I sped read through all the scenes in books 2 and 3. The Dominant/Submissive relationship was irritating and those against the book would argue that it is shocking to have this glorified in writing BUT fair play to E.L James, she did acknowledge and reiterate throughout the books that this was not what the (annoying) heroine initially expected or felt was "normal".
As a young teenager, with regards to books, I was very lucky to have 3 things at my disposal;
- A voracious appetite for reading
- A monthly allowance from the age of 13
- A magical book store within a few hundred yards of my home (it was a large "Martins" and was opened by the Dr Who of the time - Tom Baker!!!!!)
I was in heaven - I guess in this day and age I would be labelled a "Goth" or "EMO" because I did read a lot of books on what could be considered quite dark subject matters - Dennis Wheatley - devil worship etc, James Herbert - chiller/horror, and who could forget Leslie Thomas - "Arthur McCann and all his Women" ! Along with many other books on the Occult - several books on Cults as well as the absolute classics like Pride & Prejudice, general kids books and many of Shakespeare's plays !
The great thing about books, unlike films, is that there is very little censorship - so although most of these books were definitely adult reads - I began reading them from aged 13 onwards. Thankfully, my parents had absolute faith that I would NOT believe everything I read (probably because they had brought us up well grounded and with the ability to have an open-mind combined with some common sense), hence leaving me strongly opinionated but hopefully, also broad minded around some aspects of life !!!!!!
I am happy to openly admit that some of the sexual scenes would be a bit of a turn on - including those of a certain sacrificial nature (cue the Devil Rides Out) BUT I am not daft enough to consider that I should try it all out (lemmings and cliffs come to mind here) ........ which seems to be the issue many of the "Haters" have against this book .... that some vulnerable people will be caught up in the kind of "dysfunctional sexual relationship" that the book describes between its main characters.
Hello ........ THE BOOK IS NOT THE CAUSE OF THEIR VULNERABILITY !!!
I do sympathise that there are many vulnerable children, teenagers and adults out there who may read the book and be influenced .... but this book clearly indicates that where there is a choice, it is fine AND - where there is not a choice - that is NOT fine (the heroine knees one of the sleazy characters in the balls !)
The reason I mention my previous reading habits is that, my thoughts on this are, that the better informed you are - the more likely you will choose what you think is right for you.
As a teenager, I also read a very sweet, reasonably innocent but equally erotic book titled "15" (by Beverley Clearley, I believe) . I am sure this book is probably extremely dated now but it and the author have stuck in my mind, even though I first read it at aged 15 and probably only twice afterwards at an equally young age. It was pitched exactly right for me - possibly a little steamy for some of its readership but it was all about fairly innocent ....... first, sexual experiences .... and that resonated with me .... that felt right for me.
I personally have no issue with those who choose an alternative sexual lifestyle - my mantra is that you cannot comment unless you have tried it/directly experienced it or at least kept an open mind about what it entails.
The book talks about food a lot so lets have a food analogy - I have never eaten an oyster - I have no desire to eat an oyster as I have a strong gag reflex, do not like the look or the smell of oysters.
I cannot say "I hate oysters" - I don't know, I have never eaten one .... but I have kept an open mind and kept informed and choose not to try them. HOWEVER - even if I did try one and disliked it - it does not mean that I could shout about it and try to put everyone else off trying them, assuming everyone will dislike them - it's all down to personal choice and that ..... I think .... is why the book has become so talked about.
It certainly isn't about the quality writing (sorry E.L. James - it's not quality ... but then I couldn't have written it at all so I am not overly critical !).
I just think it has had it's success due to both excellent marketing AND due to it's foray into a world that is rarely written about, for the general public, thereby offering a "choice" that many may not be really aware of!
I confess that, had she not bought all 3 books out at once, I would not have bothered to have read the 2nd & 3rd books after a period of time - it really is a "forgettable" book (other than the now famous marketing and that I have blogged about it LOL !)
But she did and I was keen to discover more about where the storyline was going and even about the characters (frustrating as they are!)
If I were to give a critical review, it would be to say that she could have kept it to one book, cut out 90 percent of the sex scenes and built on the storyline (though lets face it - one book would not have made her as much money !)
The plot is not bad .... taken from bits of many different classic and popular culture stories; Twilight saga, Wuthering Heights, 9 and a half Weeks (Micky Rourke & Kim Basinger - the eating scene at the fridge for those old enough to remember that one!) Pride & Prejudice - quite frankly too many to mention - even Pretty Woman .....
In fact my recommendation to E.L James would be to copyright Mr Christian Grey, hire a GOOD ghost writer and then do a psychological thriller/chiller on HIS story - the story of him as a child or how his mother came to be who she was - of her Pimp - oh the things that a writer like Harlan Coban http://www.harlancoben.com/ , Stephen Leather http://www.stephenleather.com/ or James Patterson http://www.jamespatterson.com/ could do with that storyline ............ expanding on Mr Grey's early traumatic childhood
Now THAT ...... would be a book I would enjoy reading !!!
