I just realised that I haven't blogged for over a month ....argh ...that's actually quite a surprise ....not that I haven't blogged but how QUICKLY time has gone by, and I didn't even think I had been that busy!
This last month has been full of "external"events ..... we had a friend's 40th birthday, Lola's Christening (which was fantastic), my Uni reunion, my "Granada girls" reunion, my works Christmas meal and then all the usual buying and prepping for Christmas here at my house (12 adults and 2 babes).
I love it ....and am reasonably organised too (hence 5 mins on here)
So bear with me ...... those of you who pop in to occasionally read my meanderings ...... normal service will be resumed in the New Year.
Merry Christmas to all !!!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Stay At Home Mum
This one is for my girls .... and anyone else who finds themselves in a similar position.
Both my girls have recently changed jobs ..... it makes perfect sense .... they are now paid more per hour, have far less stress and can work shifts around their babies. The downside is that these new jobs are not in the career they had envisaged progressing into. Also, the hours are not as numerous per week - it is very part-time.
However, the HUGE plus is that they are able to stay at home with the little ones during the daytime and then pass over the care direct to the Dad's when they get home ..... meaning NO child care costs !!
When I first had Jessica I went back to work after a few months and lasted for about a year. Although the job was a new one and came with some exciting challenges I found it so hard (as many Mums do) to leave her ....... I was not expecting to be particularly maternal and I am certainly NOT an "earth mother" type - baking and sewing and craft things are just NOT my cup of tea, but it was a lot harder than I expected. I know it is not for everyone and many Mum's do prefer to go to work, or even have to work, just to get by, so this is no judgement or criticism for them.
So when I fell pregnant again it was actually almost a relief (amongst all the other joyful emotions) - that I could feel justified in leaving work again!
So when I fell pregnant again it was actually almost a relief (amongst all the other joyful emotions) - that I could feel justified in leaving work again!
Mark and I decided that childcare for 2, was not cost effective, so he would work and I would stay at home. I did do a variety of other things to keep busy and bring in some "pin money" in the evenings. I had already been selling perfumes at "perfume parties" (ahh those were the days) and I continued to do this and similar evening jobs, just to tide us over.
After Dan was born we chatted about the fact that I would probably go back to work part-time when Dan was old enough to go to Pre-school - around 3 years old. However, as you all probably know - The accident happened ..... and ALL plans disappeared.
I look back now and treasure the time I had with the children - it is a luxury I know not everyone can afford - but I think if I had gone back to work in those crucial first years after Mark died..... I really doubt I would have coped - struggling with a job and 3 small children.
Of course not everyone finds themselves in such a desperate position but I still am amazed at how some women do manage it. How do you juggle childcare, weigh up those costs and still be calm and patient enough when you get home to cook tea, play games and read stories before then fighting through the bedtime routines of little ones ! Not to mention then clearing up the house to do it all again the next day !
You lose that precious time - and although I look at it as healing time in our case - I wholeheartedly believe it is precious time ..... even without the circumstances we found ourselves in.
HOWEVER - the one piece of advise I impart to my girls happened for me almost by accident. I had not intentionally planned to take 8 years out of my working life. That is a huge chunk of time and the working world progresses very quickly - faster now that the internet is such a part of everyday life !
When I gave up work in 1991 the computing world was in its infancy - when Mark died in 1993 the internet was not available to the general public of the UK, gaming was still "blips" on a screen! (he would be gob-smacked if he could see it all now)
My previous roles had been largely in administration and I had no idea that my part-time jobs and voluntary work would eventually help me, by having kept me in touch with this technological world.
I had upgraded my typewriter in 1993 (yes you youngsters - typewriters were all we had then) to an electric one - I was soooo impressed with my purchase - I could erase sentences from letters if I had misspelled something or got the grammar slightly wrong! I was taking Minutes from meetings where I was a volunteer and I was writing regular letters for my solicitors dealing with Mark's case.
In 1996 we moved from the flat and one of my first purchases was a computer - I was in 7th heaven - even though it was dial up (remember the whirring, clicking noises!).
At that time I was membership secretary for the local Pre-School and then became Chairperson. I am convinced this was my saving grace to enable an easier re-entry to the working world. All of a sudden I was researching Ofsted on the net - looking at self assessment plans and best practice. I was typing out official letters, developing policies and procedures for the Pre-school and generally checking we were working to the best of our ability. I was organising fundraising events and marketing the group and keeping up with the world of technology.
When Dan turned 5 and started full time school I felt I should return to work - I had had almost 8 years away and the changes between 1991 to 1998 were immense technologically speaking. Yet I was undaunted - because by pure chance rather than planning I had taught myself Word, Excel, Publisher and a variety of other skills. I could research via the internet and was not a complete dinosaur with regards to this brave new computer literate world.
Although I had not planned it I had stayed ahead of the game within the administration sector, I had stayed informed about what was happening in the child care industry, I had kept my brain engaged and active by attending Pre-school training, Conferences and Events.
I had remained in contact with a huge variety of professionals through working lunches, as a member of several local voluntary groups and through being a founder member of the Kempston Community project.
More importantly, I had used the time fairly wisely (shocker I know) to think about what I actually wanted to do. My previous jobs had not involved children at all and although I did not think I wanted to be a teacher or work directly with children, I did want to work around children. I had gained a good knowledge base and wanted a future career that would allow me to put some of that knowledge to use.
So for my girls ..... this is the message - stay engaged - keep learning - stay focused on what you really would like to be doing in 8 years time - there are so many on-line short courses available to keep your brains active in ways other than on keeping your little ones happy (important as that is).
You will need to re-enter a full-time career at some point and it is always a little easier if you have kept up to date with all that is happening in your sector.
BUT MOST OF ALL - enjoy your time as part-timers and almost stay at home mums - it really does go far too quickly!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Babysitting
A friend posted a comment on Facebook the other day that made me stop and think. She was mentioning that it would only be another 3 years before her eldest could babysit for her youngest.
I queried her post .... knowing that her eldest is around 13 and this meant she was waiting until her daughter would be 16 before that eventful day. She expanded, quite rightly, that she had checked this out with her Local Authority. She works in a school, is a girl guide leader and wanted to be sure she was not breaking the law by allowing her eldest to sit for the half an hour between her children getting home from school and her returning from work. Whoever she spoke to from the local council informed her that her eldest could not legally babysit for her younger sister until she was 16!
This is not true ..... in fact there is no LEGAL lower age for babysitting in the UK!
So what she had been told made me a little cross .... (not at my friend).
This sort of misinformation can cause all sorts of confusion and issues for families trying to make ends meet and possibly having to fork out for a sitter (who often charge per hour NOT half hour) or even for making a 15 year old feel dis-empowered if they are then being "sat" by a 16 year old !
In fact this opened up a little can of worms in me about responsibility and the transition for children towards gaining independence.
From a legal perspective, a child under 16 cannot be prosecuted for neglect or ill-treatment of children in their care (well I believe they can - but it is more difficult), so a parent then would be charged instead, should anything happen while the parents are away. So I do understand how this could make some parents concerned and perhaps a little wary of passing the responsibility on to a younger sitter.
HOWEVER ..... what has happened to common sense ??
There is a balance to be had in allowing your children a little freedom........ and a little responsibility.
YOU, the parent, will know your own child.
YOU will know if your children are likely to adhere to the rules you set them when you are not there, and that includes whether or not the younger ones will listen to their older sibling.
YOU will know how they are likely to cope if a situation arises that may be outside of the normal issues that might occur.
YOU alone will know whether you feel your eldest is competent enough to look after younger siblings or not ...... and that also depends hugely on the age of the younger siblings. If the younger ones are babies or toddlers then that responsibility is increased. Whereas for example with my 3 - there was only an age difference of 4 years from eldest to youngest so when Jess was 12, Gina was 10 and Dan 8.
I knew that Jess was very sensible and Gina would back her up on most things so that the 2 of them could have the required "control" of Dan (who also, was a pretty sensible lad really).
I knew that Jess had the phone numbers of my parents (who lived 5 mins up the road) and her Aunt and Uncle (who lived 2 minutes up the road) along with a variety of others who lived close enough to get to the house if a real emergency occurred.
I knew that for the odd half an hour to an hour (initially) the children would be fine ...... and once I had done that a few times I gradually increased the time spent away until, by the age of 14, Jess was fully babysitting for an evening. She was also babysitting for others and earning pocket money.
One of the arguments against giving this responsibility to an older child is that they may feel "put upon" ..... this could be easily dismissed, as long as the elder child either receives some form of recompense (not necessarily money) or at very least praised for their accomplishment. It is a huge thing to make that transition and be treated as a responsible teenager. That in itself can often be enough encouragement.
If a child is never given these responsibilities ....... chores ....... pocket money to learn how to budget ..... consequences for their own behaviour ....... then how do we expect them to become responsible, competent adults.
They will join the "generation of entitlement". All full of expectation of what they are entitled to ......... without responsibility or putting anything back into society.
So it does not help when information given by the Government, Local Authority and even the likes of the NSPCC (who advise that children under 16 should not be left in charge of younger children) all promote this bubble-wrapping behaviour towards our children.
Surely it is better to teach your child how to assess risks in a situation (yes OK .... there is a funny story of how, when my 3 heard a noise outside, they decided to investigate themselves and sent Danny, the youngest, out first !) Or to send your child on a First Aid course, or just to ensure they have access to phone numbers of family and friends close by in case of emergency!
If my friend is not the only one being given this advice (and I am sure she is not) what is going to be the next step ....... how will we know if they are responsible at 16 if we have not felt they were responsible at 15 ..... age is just a number and many 15 year old's are very competent whereas some 18 year old's just don't have that common sense. So surely it is not ABOUT the age ..... surely it is about your ability to judge your child's capabilities ...... and it is about TRUST.
Allow your child to become a competent adult by encouraging the transition .....encouraging this level of responsibility ...... learning what their limits are ....... and accepting that occasionally accidents may happen ... but that in itself is part of their learning curve !
I queried her post .... knowing that her eldest is around 13 and this meant she was waiting until her daughter would be 16 before that eventful day. She expanded, quite rightly, that she had checked this out with her Local Authority. She works in a school, is a girl guide leader and wanted to be sure she was not breaking the law by allowing her eldest to sit for the half an hour between her children getting home from school and her returning from work. Whoever she spoke to from the local council informed her that her eldest could not legally babysit for her younger sister until she was 16!
This is not true ..... in fact there is no LEGAL lower age for babysitting in the UK!
So what she had been told made me a little cross .... (not at my friend).
This sort of misinformation can cause all sorts of confusion and issues for families trying to make ends meet and possibly having to fork out for a sitter (who often charge per hour NOT half hour) or even for making a 15 year old feel dis-empowered if they are then being "sat" by a 16 year old !
In fact this opened up a little can of worms in me about responsibility and the transition for children towards gaining independence.
From a legal perspective, a child under 16 cannot be prosecuted for neglect or ill-treatment of children in their care (well I believe they can - but it is more difficult), so a parent then would be charged instead, should anything happen while the parents are away. So I do understand how this could make some parents concerned and perhaps a little wary of passing the responsibility on to a younger sitter.
HOWEVER ..... what has happened to common sense ??
There is a balance to be had in allowing your children a little freedom........ and a little responsibility.
YOU, the parent, will know your own child.
YOU will know if your children are likely to adhere to the rules you set them when you are not there, and that includes whether or not the younger ones will listen to their older sibling.
YOU will know how they are likely to cope if a situation arises that may be outside of the normal issues that might occur.
YOU alone will know whether you feel your eldest is competent enough to look after younger siblings or not ...... and that also depends hugely on the age of the younger siblings. If the younger ones are babies or toddlers then that responsibility is increased. Whereas for example with my 3 - there was only an age difference of 4 years from eldest to youngest so when Jess was 12, Gina was 10 and Dan 8.
I knew that Jess was very sensible and Gina would back her up on most things so that the 2 of them could have the required "control" of Dan (who also, was a pretty sensible lad really).
I knew that Jess had the phone numbers of my parents (who lived 5 mins up the road) and her Aunt and Uncle (who lived 2 minutes up the road) along with a variety of others who lived close enough to get to the house if a real emergency occurred.
I knew that for the odd half an hour to an hour (initially) the children would be fine ...... and once I had done that a few times I gradually increased the time spent away until, by the age of 14, Jess was fully babysitting for an evening. She was also babysitting for others and earning pocket money.
One of the arguments against giving this responsibility to an older child is that they may feel "put upon" ..... this could be easily dismissed, as long as the elder child either receives some form of recompense (not necessarily money) or at very least praised for their accomplishment. It is a huge thing to make that transition and be treated as a responsible teenager. That in itself can often be enough encouragement.
If a child is never given these responsibilities ....... chores ....... pocket money to learn how to budget ..... consequences for their own behaviour ....... then how do we expect them to become responsible, competent adults.
They will join the "generation of entitlement". All full of expectation of what they are entitled to ......... without responsibility or putting anything back into society.
So it does not help when information given by the Government, Local Authority and even the likes of the NSPCC (who advise that children under 16 should not be left in charge of younger children) all promote this bubble-wrapping behaviour towards our children.
Surely it is better to teach your child how to assess risks in a situation (yes OK .... there is a funny story of how, when my 3 heard a noise outside, they decided to investigate themselves and sent Danny, the youngest, out first !) Or to send your child on a First Aid course, or just to ensure they have access to phone numbers of family and friends close by in case of emergency!
If my friend is not the only one being given this advice (and I am sure she is not) what is going to be the next step ....... how will we know if they are responsible at 16 if we have not felt they were responsible at 15 ..... age is just a number and many 15 year old's are very competent whereas some 18 year old's just don't have that common sense. So surely it is not ABOUT the age ..... surely it is about your ability to judge your child's capabilities ...... and it is about TRUST.
Allow your child to become a competent adult by encouraging the transition .....encouraging this level of responsibility ...... learning what their limits are ....... and accepting that occasionally accidents may happen ... but that in itself is part of their learning curve !
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Crispgate
I had quite a busy morning with my grandson this morning. Up and down the stairs (that he has recently discovered), racing around the kitchen trying to ensure he doesn't tip over the dog's water bowl (as he did last week getting soaked through) and in and out of the conservatory (now he can get up and down that step too)
So when he crashed at about 1-ish I breathed a sigh of relief and settled down for a nice lunch without interruption.........or so I thought ........
So when it happened - the interruption was more a mental one of sheer frustration than anything else.
I went to get myself a packet of crisps ....... not a major event, I am sure you will agree.... and not one that should cause a rise in blood pressure ............ BUT IT DID !!
We get our shopping delivered to our house most of the time these days .... not the daily stuff but the main weekly bits n bobs and monthly freezer goods. The delivery came last night - just after 7pm.
Within this delivery I had ordered a pack of 12 Hula Hoops and 6 McCoys.
There are only 3 of us at home now and I thought this order was ample for the week ... especially as I had ordered lots of other "snacky" foods ... biscuits, chocolate bite size crunch, crackers etc.
So you can imagine my dismay ....... no incredulity .....when I realised that in just the ONE night .... 4 packets of Hula Hoops and 1 packet of McCoys had already disappeared !!!!
I was so incensed that I facebooked my shocked status .... blaming both my Delinquent Annoying Hubby and my son .... and in fact my suspicions leaned more to the side of accusing hubby, as this is one of his habits .... he NEVER has just one pack of crisps or one biscuit .... he will go through a whole packet of biccies in one hit !!!
When the children were younger I had to budget BIG TIME. When I was just receiving Widowed Mothers Allowance it was a very limited amount - £100 a week, so with literally just that and Child Benefit I shopped on good ole Sainsburys basics for as many goods as possible to keep bills down.
I also taught the kids to enjoy their treats in small measures ..... only ever one packet of crisps at a time and 3 or 4 biscuits was plenty (3 or 4 each would nearly go through a whole packet anyway).
They were very good kids too .... I used to put the treats (mini sized cadbury treats) in a box and they would put 5p in nearly each time they took one .... I know that may sound harsh ... that I charged them .... but it did teach them that treats cost and they would budget from their pocket money (and quite often I would turn a blind eye if they hadn't got any pennies left !)
So I was pretty sure that Dan may have had a packet but that it was really DAH at fault.
You can imagine the thoughts going round my head ..... and no ..... my lunch was not too badly interrupted !!!
THEN ... my son came home ..... and my Danny confessed ...... to the lot .... all 5 packets !!!
Just before I was about to go apocalyptic at him and gob-smacked that it was him ...... he blurted out that;
I hadn't cooked dinner for him last night !!!!!! HE IS 19 !!!!
He said it with another of those huge grins on his face!
However, he let me know that actually David had one packet and he did take one to work today so it was only 3 from last night ......... but still ..........I couldn't come back ...... even though he hadn't let me know if he was gonna be home or not (to cook for him) ...... even though he is capable of cooking his own dinner ..... HE JUST KEPT GRINNING !
Nope ..... Chalk another one to DAN !!!! (Oh .... and an apology to my DAH)
So when he crashed at about 1-ish I breathed a sigh of relief and settled down for a nice lunch without interruption.........or so I thought ........
So when it happened - the interruption was more a mental one of sheer frustration than anything else.
I went to get myself a packet of crisps ....... not a major event, I am sure you will agree.... and not one that should cause a rise in blood pressure ............ BUT IT DID !!
We get our shopping delivered to our house most of the time these days .... not the daily stuff but the main weekly bits n bobs and monthly freezer goods. The delivery came last night - just after 7pm.
Within this delivery I had ordered a pack of 12 Hula Hoops and 6 McCoys.
There are only 3 of us at home now and I thought this order was ample for the week ... especially as I had ordered lots of other "snacky" foods ... biscuits, chocolate bite size crunch, crackers etc.
So you can imagine my dismay ....... no incredulity .....when I realised that in just the ONE night .... 4 packets of Hula Hoops and 1 packet of McCoys had already disappeared !!!!
I was so incensed that I facebooked my shocked status .... blaming both my Delinquent Annoying Hubby and my son .... and in fact my suspicions leaned more to the side of accusing hubby, as this is one of his habits .... he NEVER has just one pack of crisps or one biscuit .... he will go through a whole packet of biccies in one hit !!!
When the children were younger I had to budget BIG TIME. When I was just receiving Widowed Mothers Allowance it was a very limited amount - £100 a week, so with literally just that and Child Benefit I shopped on good ole Sainsburys basics for as many goods as possible to keep bills down.
I also taught the kids to enjoy their treats in small measures ..... only ever one packet of crisps at a time and 3 or 4 biscuits was plenty (3 or 4 each would nearly go through a whole packet anyway).
They were very good kids too .... I used to put the treats (mini sized cadbury treats) in a box and they would put 5p in nearly each time they took one .... I know that may sound harsh ... that I charged them .... but it did teach them that treats cost and they would budget from their pocket money (and quite often I would turn a blind eye if they hadn't got any pennies left !)
So I was pretty sure that Dan may have had a packet but that it was really DAH at fault.
You can imagine the thoughts going round my head ..... and no ..... my lunch was not too badly interrupted !!!
THEN ... my son came home ..... and my Danny confessed ...... to the lot .... all 5 packets !!!
Just before I was about to go apocalyptic at him and gob-smacked that it was him ...... he blurted out that;
I hadn't cooked dinner for him last night !!!!!! HE IS 19 !!!!
He said it with another of those huge grins on his face!
However, he let me know that actually David had one packet and he did take one to work today so it was only 3 from last night ......... but still ..........I couldn't come back ...... even though he hadn't let me know if he was gonna be home or not (to cook for him) ...... even though he is capable of cooking his own dinner ..... HE JUST KEPT GRINNING !
Nope ..... Chalk another one to DAN !!!! (Oh .... and an apology to my DAH)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I wish I knew then .........
.......... what I know now ........ would I have done things differently? ....... actually YES.
I don't have regrets - as one of my previous posts states - but that is because you cannot regret something if you did not know about all the options available at the time, but yes, if I had the knowledge (and hindsight is a wonderful thing) I think there would have been some things I did differently.
I would have spent MORE money on my trip to Fiji - trust me - I got into BIG trouble back then, in the mid 80's - with my credit card going over its limit and ..........worse .... the bank contacting my father !!!!!
That would seem inconceivable now and I should have ripped into the bank seriously, for breaching confidentiality BUT 25 years ago .... that was not something they seemed to be worried about .... and when I look back now, I paid it off..... but just felt humiliated by the whole procedure ... leaving me, with a real distrust of banks and bank managers !
I would have questioned authority MORE - not just teachers, policemen, politicians but all those so-called experts out there, who are just NOT experts ! They may have more experience than most people in certain subjects and they may give good advice in certain things, but teachers and textbooks and all these others are not infallible - NONE of us know all the answers (well ..... with the exception of my Mum who, much to my annoyance, is quite uncannily right most of the time!)
In fact I think my main issue is that I have followed certain patterns of life - and still do - almost unquestionably - and yet time and time again we are shown that things are not all they seem.
Of course there are many "stories" out there, where we do not know or understand the issues (the Hillsborough incident is certainly one) and yet we take for granted that the "powers that be" (politicians/governments/police/the IMF/educational establishments etc) are "right" .......... and we allow them to instruct and govern us.
I have a friend who is currently home schooling her children and my sister-in-law did this too for a while - I wish I had thought of this option - it may not necessarily have even been right at the time and who knows .......... I may have done a rubbish job .......... BUT - I didn't even realise this was an option !
I just went along with the norms of society and took my children to school. Yet lately I have really questioned school techniques - are they getting it right ? Not all children learn by sitting at desks as many of us know ..... but are the schools providing enough options for learning through other methods? Even the best ones are limited by resources!
I now know, that ultimately, whether you have GCSE's, A Levels, NVQ's or whatever qualification ..... it really does not matter that much - several successful people I know left school with none of these - one of whom even decided that he could not be bothered with his Maths exam so he simply counted the number of bricks in the exam hall and put that number at the top of his page!! Yet his numeracy skills are excellent and he is now in his 40's having held down well paid jobs and provided very well for his family.
However, let's face it, in another 20 years I will have even more experience under my belt, probably more knowledge (about things that interest me so I find out more) ..... and I will be saying this all over again...........
Is that what they call WISDOM ???
I don't have regrets - as one of my previous posts states - but that is because you cannot regret something if you did not know about all the options available at the time, but yes, if I had the knowledge (and hindsight is a wonderful thing) I think there would have been some things I did differently.
I would have spent MORE money on my trip to Fiji - trust me - I got into BIG trouble back then, in the mid 80's - with my credit card going over its limit and ..........worse .... the bank contacting my father !!!!!
That would seem inconceivable now and I should have ripped into the bank seriously, for breaching confidentiality BUT 25 years ago .... that was not something they seemed to be worried about .... and when I look back now, I paid it off..... but just felt humiliated by the whole procedure ... leaving me, with a real distrust of banks and bank managers !
I would have questioned authority MORE - not just teachers, policemen, politicians but all those so-called experts out there, who are just NOT experts ! They may have more experience than most people in certain subjects and they may give good advice in certain things, but teachers and textbooks and all these others are not infallible - NONE of us know all the answers (well ..... with the exception of my Mum who, much to my annoyance, is quite uncannily right most of the time!)
In fact I think my main issue is that I have followed certain patterns of life - and still do - almost unquestionably - and yet time and time again we are shown that things are not all they seem.
Of course there are many "stories" out there, where we do not know or understand the issues (the Hillsborough incident is certainly one) and yet we take for granted that the "powers that be" (politicians/governments/police/the IMF/educational establishments etc) are "right" .......... and we allow them to instruct and govern us.
I have a friend who is currently home schooling her children and my sister-in-law did this too for a while - I wish I had thought of this option - it may not necessarily have even been right at the time and who knows .......... I may have done a rubbish job .......... BUT - I didn't even realise this was an option !
I just went along with the norms of society and took my children to school. Yet lately I have really questioned school techniques - are they getting it right ? Not all children learn by sitting at desks as many of us know ..... but are the schools providing enough options for learning through other methods? Even the best ones are limited by resources!
I now know, that ultimately, whether you have GCSE's, A Levels, NVQ's or whatever qualification ..... it really does not matter that much - several successful people I know left school with none of these - one of whom even decided that he could not be bothered with his Maths exam so he simply counted the number of bricks in the exam hall and put that number at the top of his page!! Yet his numeracy skills are excellent and he is now in his 40's having held down well paid jobs and provided very well for his family.
However, let's face it, in another 20 years I will have even more experience under my belt, probably more knowledge (about things that interest me so I find out more) ..... and I will be saying this all over again...........
Is that what they call WISDOM ???
Monday, September 3, 2012
An Eventful Year
Today is my anniversary - I have been blogging for a whole year !
I decided to post this as "An Eventful Year" because when I started this project, I was out of work and not a grandmother ......
Then my thoughts wandered a little and I looked back on my life since I moved out of the family home at aged 23 and set up home with Mark ..... I realised that, actually, according to the stress level scale of Holmes & Rahe .... this has in fact been one of my quieter years !!!
Since I moved out in 1988 ..... I have only had 3 years where my stress factors have not reached the level (on this scale) of illness ....... NO WONDER I GET MIGRAINES LOL !!!
2001 & 2002 were fairly calm (although I was living with a control freak and the domestic situation was beginning to fall apart) and 2006.
YES - that is it - 3 years out of 24 !!!!
If you are familiar with this Stress Scale it does include the good events too - getting married, Holidays and Christmases (yes they can cause stress - check out my Christmas posting about decorating the tree !).
However, there is always a balancing side to the scale ...... a Ying to the Yang .... right now I am at home, typing this in the sunshine (and glorious sunshine it is) with a sense of peace and calm ... listening to the water in my pond bubbling away .... could it be any better ?
I think when they calculated this list they acknowledged the other factors in life that off-set the level at which there is a high risk of illness ..... the calmer side of life .... your environment and your support networks... your natural resilience, even whether you are an optimist or pessimist must make a difference ! Hence the scale only states that the RISK of illness increases ..... not that you WILL have a physical or psychological breakdown
Whatever the reasons for each individual dealing with their own stresses I believe wholeheartedly that I have been lucky enough to have a lovely home environment, a supportive family and a faith that lets me just say ...
"OK .... that was tough .... but it will get better and easier !"
Here's to the next eventful year !!!
I decided to post this as "An Eventful Year" because when I started this project, I was out of work and not a grandmother ......
Then my thoughts wandered a little and I looked back on my life since I moved out of the family home at aged 23 and set up home with Mark ..... I realised that, actually, according to the stress level scale of Holmes & Rahe .... this has in fact been one of my quieter years !!!
Since I moved out in 1988 ..... I have only had 3 years where my stress factors have not reached the level (on this scale) of illness ....... NO WONDER I GET MIGRAINES LOL !!!
2001 & 2002 were fairly calm (although I was living with a control freak and the domestic situation was beginning to fall apart) and 2006.
YES - that is it - 3 years out of 24 !!!!
If you are familiar with this Stress Scale it does include the good events too - getting married, Holidays and Christmases (yes they can cause stress - check out my Christmas posting about decorating the tree !).
However, there is always a balancing side to the scale ...... a Ying to the Yang .... right now I am at home, typing this in the sunshine (and glorious sunshine it is) with a sense of peace and calm ... listening to the water in my pond bubbling away .... could it be any better ?
I think when they calculated this list they acknowledged the other factors in life that off-set the level at which there is a high risk of illness ..... the calmer side of life .... your environment and your support networks... your natural resilience, even whether you are an optimist or pessimist must make a difference ! Hence the scale only states that the RISK of illness increases ..... not that you WILL have a physical or psychological breakdown
Whatever the reasons for each individual dealing with their own stresses I believe wholeheartedly that I have been lucky enough to have a lovely home environment, a supportive family and a faith that lets me just say ...
"OK .... that was tough .... but it will get better and easier !"
Here's to the next eventful year !!!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Acceptance
Tomorrow will be 19 years since Mark died ........ 19 YEARS !
As I have posted before ... of course life goes on but I am definitely having a bit of a down day today. I will be spending tomorrow with my children & grandchildren .... we will do something fun ..... and be happy and sad and remember him with love.
Soon after he died my Mum told me something a friend had told her, when his daughter died .... I had known of the prayer below for many years but this friend put it in words that really hit home ....
It doesn't matter what you do - you can Scream. Shout. Rant. Rave. Kick the door (or the cat). Cry. Weep uncontrollably. Be angry. ........
None of that will make a blind bit of difference .... you may have to do these things to keep some sanity within your grief ..... but ultimately ... ULTIMATELY ..... you have to ACCEPT that this person you loved is dead, gone ..... not coming back.
If you have a faith, then of course you will believe you will be in their presence again someday ... but as of right now - their time on earth is done.
Once you can find that acceptance - brutal as it is - THEN you can carry on - still taking your grief with you, accepting that you may cry at times even after 9/19/29 years .... but you can live life again.
You cannot change death - so accept it ........
As I have posted before ... of course life goes on but I am definitely having a bit of a down day today. I will be spending tomorrow with my children & grandchildren .... we will do something fun ..... and be happy and sad and remember him with love.
Soon after he died my Mum told me something a friend had told her, when his daughter died .... I had known of the prayer below for many years but this friend put it in words that really hit home ....
It doesn't matter what you do - you can Scream. Shout. Rant. Rave. Kick the door (or the cat). Cry. Weep uncontrollably. Be angry. ........
None of that will make a blind bit of difference .... you may have to do these things to keep some sanity within your grief ..... but ultimately ... ULTIMATELY ..... you have to ACCEPT that this person you loved is dead, gone ..... not coming back.
If you have a faith, then of course you will believe you will be in their presence again someday ... but as of right now - their time on earth is done.
Once you can find that acceptance - brutal as it is - THEN you can carry on - still taking your grief with you, accepting that you may cry at times even after 9/19/29 years .... but you can live life again.
You cannot change death - so accept it ........
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Well Written Response to Some Ill-informed Social Media Users
I, like many others, was moved to tears as Gary Barlow showed tremendous strength of character as he sang his heart out on Saturday night.
I do not know how it feels to lose a child and will not even try to comment ..... but I do know that at Mark's funeral ..... I could not sing the hymns I so desperately wanted to sing for him.
I leaned over to my Mum and said that I couldn't do it .... so could she sing for me .... believe me, a hard ask, as she was already holding me up and upset herself. At that request however, she falteringly began and bravely choked out a verse ...... I repeatedly look back and realise how much strength that took.
So on Saturday night I twittered, along with hundreds of others, about how brilliant I thought it was that Gary had managed to sing such an emotional song at such a tragic time for him and his family ....
One of the others who tweeted was Jason Manford (a comedian) and perhaps, because he is also a public figure ..... some of the responses to his tweet, attacking Gary Barlow were just awful.......is it ignorance, maliciousness, or just plain lack of compassion ........ I wish I knew ..... but Jason wrote a fantastic response that equally had me in tears.
I felt strongly enough that I wanted my blog to share it ..........
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jason-manford/the-gary-barlow-tragedy-and-internet-idiots/10151995627430696
Well said !
I do not know how it feels to lose a child and will not even try to comment ..... but I do know that at Mark's funeral ..... I could not sing the hymns I so desperately wanted to sing for him.
I leaned over to my Mum and said that I couldn't do it .... so could she sing for me .... believe me, a hard ask, as she was already holding me up and upset herself. At that request however, she falteringly began and bravely choked out a verse ...... I repeatedly look back and realise how much strength that took.
So on Saturday night I twittered, along with hundreds of others, about how brilliant I thought it was that Gary had managed to sing such an emotional song at such a tragic time for him and his family ....
One of the others who tweeted was Jason Manford (a comedian) and perhaps, because he is also a public figure ..... some of the responses to his tweet, attacking Gary Barlow were just awful.......is it ignorance, maliciousness, or just plain lack of compassion ........ I wish I knew ..... but Jason wrote a fantastic response that equally had me in tears.
I felt strongly enough that I wanted my blog to share it ..........
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jason-manford/the-gary-barlow-tragedy-and-internet-idiots/10151995627430696
Well said !
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Post Olympic Blues
I am emotional ....... yes I know I am often a tad too emotional but honestly .... I am genuinely sad that the Olympics is coming to an end !
In my youth I used to watch a bit of sport ... mainly due to my sports fanatic boyfriend/fiancée/husband BUT even then, I rarely got excited unless it was the Rugby or we (England/GB) were in with a chance of winning.
I recall watching a few events at various Olympics in the 80's and 90's but cannot recall watching ANY of the more recent ones - even with some good results from team GB. I had absolutely no idea what medals we came home with after the last Olympics (Beijing I believe - see -- not even sure where it was held !!)
SO ... this Olympics has been such a revelation ....... I have shouted ... no screamed at the telly ..... I have jumped out of my chair cheering Team GB on (Mo Farah !) ..... I have cried with Victoria Pendleton, Shanaze Reade and others at their near misses ....... I have been amazed and impressed at the New Zealand Hockey player who came back on to play after a massive bash to her head from a Dutch player's hockey stick and I have held back the lump in my throat of sheer pride for so many of our youngsters - Laura Trott, Nicola Adams, Anthony Joshua and of course Tom Daley to mention just a few.
Yes, I caught Olympic fever in a big way and it came as a complete surprise to me.
Maybe it is because I have been able to watch it all, as I am on the 6 week school holiday. Maybe it is because it is being held in UK. Maybe it has been the good "marketing" or perhaps just that the whole thing started of brilliantly with the excellent Opening Ceremony ...........
Whatever the reason ..... I don't know ..... but I am sad that it is nearly over .... kicking myself for not trying to get tickets and genuinely proud to be British ......even ... (yes I am gonna say it) ... happy that my taxes have gone towards funding this fabulous event.
I am thoroughly looking forward to the Closing Ceremony tonight and then the Paralympics ..... and hope that will help wean me off gently.
Will I get as involved for Rio in 4 years time? ... Who knows .... but I certainly have a new found respect for these wonderful athletes and hope, like many others are, that they become the new role models for a generation !
In my youth I used to watch a bit of sport ... mainly due to my sports fanatic boyfriend/fiancée/husband BUT even then, I rarely got excited unless it was the Rugby or we (England/GB) were in with a chance of winning.
I recall watching a few events at various Olympics in the 80's and 90's but cannot recall watching ANY of the more recent ones - even with some good results from team GB. I had absolutely no idea what medals we came home with after the last Olympics (Beijing I believe - see -- not even sure where it was held !!)
SO ... this Olympics has been such a revelation ....... I have shouted ... no screamed at the telly ..... I have jumped out of my chair cheering Team GB on (Mo Farah !) ..... I have cried with Victoria Pendleton, Shanaze Reade and others at their near misses ....... I have been amazed and impressed at the New Zealand Hockey player who came back on to play after a massive bash to her head from a Dutch player's hockey stick and I have held back the lump in my throat of sheer pride for so many of our youngsters - Laura Trott, Nicola Adams, Anthony Joshua and of course Tom Daley to mention just a few.
Yes, I caught Olympic fever in a big way and it came as a complete surprise to me.
Maybe it is because I have been able to watch it all, as I am on the 6 week school holiday. Maybe it is because it is being held in UK. Maybe it has been the good "marketing" or perhaps just that the whole thing started of brilliantly with the excellent Opening Ceremony ...........
Whatever the reason ..... I don't know ..... but I am sad that it is nearly over .... kicking myself for not trying to get tickets and genuinely proud to be British ......even ... (yes I am gonna say it) ... happy that my taxes have gone towards funding this fabulous event.
I am thoroughly looking forward to the Closing Ceremony tonight and then the Paralympics ..... and hope that will help wean me off gently.
Will I get as involved for Rio in 4 years time? ... Who knows .... but I certainly have a new found respect for these wonderful athletes and hope, like many others are, that they become the new role models for a generation !
Monday, August 6, 2012
50 Shades ..... IMHO
So now I have read the trilogy, I consider I am able to blog a little on this book .... and In My Humble Opinion ..... it's OK.
Not great ....... but not that bad either - although it seems to have created a Marmite response .. your either love it or hate it - I think my assessment is somewhere in the middle. There are several good bits about it and possibly more bad but I have definitely read worse and cannot understand the strong views/emotional responses that it seems to evoke!
Let's agree that it is not well written .... but then that means, in it's simplicity, it has become an "easy" acceptable read for several people who don't usually read - that's a plus.
My absolute favourite aspect is that Mr Grey insists on wearing a condom - E.L James - if just ONE person thinks twice and uses a condom because of your book - your work here is done!
Quite frankly, I got bored after the 3rd or so sex scene - they really did become predictable and lost my interest so much so, that I sped read through all the scenes in books 2 and 3. The Dominant/Submissive relationship was irritating and those against the book would argue that it is shocking to have this glorified in writing BUT fair play to E.L James, she did acknowledge and reiterate throughout the books that this was not what the (annoying) heroine initially expected or felt was "normal".
As a young teenager, with regards to books, I was very lucky to have 3 things at my disposal;
I was in heaven - I guess in this day and age I would be labelled a "Goth" or "EMO" because I did read a lot of books on what could be considered quite dark subject matters - Dennis Wheatley - devil worship etc, James Herbert - chiller/horror, and who could forget Leslie Thomas - "Arthur McCann and all his Women" ! Along with many other books on the Occult - several books on Cults as well as the absolute classics like Pride & Prejudice, general kids books and many of Shakespeare's plays !
The great thing about books, unlike films, is that there is very little censorship - so although most of these books were definitely adult reads - I began reading them from aged 13 onwards. Thankfully, my parents had absolute faith that I would NOT believe everything I read (probably because they had brought us up well grounded and with the ability to have an open-mind combined with some common sense), hence leaving me strongly opinionated but hopefully, also broad minded around some aspects of life !!!!!!
I am happy to openly admit that some of the sexual scenes would be a bit of a turn on - including those of a certain sacrificial nature (cue the Devil Rides Out) BUT I am not daft enough to consider that I should try it all out (lemmings and cliffs come to mind here) ........ which seems to be the issue many of the "Haters" have against this book .... that some vulnerable people will be caught up in the kind of "dysfunctional sexual relationship" that the book describes between its main characters.
Hello ........ THE BOOK IS NOT THE CAUSE OF THEIR VULNERABILITY !!!
I do sympathise that there are many vulnerable children, teenagers and adults out there who may read the book and be influenced .... but this book clearly indicates that where there is a choice, it is fine AND - where there is not a choice - that is NOT fine (the heroine knees one of the sleazy characters in the balls !)
The reason I mention my previous reading habits is that, my thoughts on this are, that the better informed you are - the more likely you will choose what you think is right for you.
As a teenager, I also read a very sweet, reasonably innocent but equally erotic book titled "15" (by Beverley Clearley, I believe) . I am sure this book is probably extremely dated now but it and the author have stuck in my mind, even though I first read it at aged 15 and probably only twice afterwards at an equally young age. It was pitched exactly right for me - possibly a little steamy for some of its readership but it was all about fairly innocent ....... first, sexual experiences .... and that resonated with me .... that felt right for me.
I personally have no issue with those who choose an alternative sexual lifestyle - my mantra is that you cannot comment unless you have tried it/directly experienced it or at least kept an open mind about what it entails.
The book talks about food a lot so lets have a food analogy - I have never eaten an oyster - I have no desire to eat an oyster as I have a strong gag reflex, do not like the look or the smell of oysters.
I cannot say "I hate oysters" - I don't know, I have never eaten one .... but I have kept an open mind and kept informed and choose not to try them. HOWEVER - even if I did try one and disliked it - it does not mean that I could shout about it and try to put everyone else off trying them, assuming everyone will dislike them - it's all down to personal choice and that ..... I think .... is why the book has become so talked about.
It certainly isn't about the quality writing (sorry E.L. James - it's not quality ... but then I couldn't have written it at all so I am not overly critical !).
I just think it has had it's success due to both excellent marketing AND due to it's foray into a world that is rarely written about, for the general public, thereby offering a "choice" that many may not be really aware of!
I confess that, had she not bought all 3 books out at once, I would not have bothered to have read the 2nd & 3rd books after a period of time - it really is a "forgettable" book (other than the now famous marketing and that I have blogged about it LOL !)
But she did and I was keen to discover more about where the storyline was going and even about the characters (frustrating as they are!)
If I were to give a critical review, it would be to say that she could have kept it to one book, cut out 90 percent of the sex scenes and built on the storyline (though lets face it - one book would not have made her as much money !)
The plot is not bad .... taken from bits of many different classic and popular culture stories; Twilight saga, Wuthering Heights, 9 and a half Weeks (Micky Rourke & Kim Basinger - the eating scene at the fridge for those old enough to remember that one!) Pride & Prejudice - quite frankly too many to mention - even Pretty Woman .....
In fact my recommendation to E.L James would be to copyright Mr Christian Grey, hire a GOOD ghost writer and then do a psychological thriller/chiller on HIS story - the story of him as a child or how his mother came to be who she was - of her Pimp - oh the things that a writer like Harlan Coban http://www.harlancoben.com/ , Stephen Leather http://www.stephenleather.com/ or James Patterson http://www.jamespatterson.com/ could do with that storyline ............ expanding on Mr Grey's early traumatic childhood
Now THAT ...... would be a book I would enjoy reading !!!
Not great ....... but not that bad either - although it seems to have created a Marmite response .. your either love it or hate it - I think my assessment is somewhere in the middle. There are several good bits about it and possibly more bad but I have definitely read worse and cannot understand the strong views/emotional responses that it seems to evoke!
Let's agree that it is not well written .... but then that means, in it's simplicity, it has become an "easy" acceptable read for several people who don't usually read - that's a plus.
My absolute favourite aspect is that Mr Grey insists on wearing a condom - E.L James - if just ONE person thinks twice and uses a condom because of your book - your work here is done!
Quite frankly, I got bored after the 3rd or so sex scene - they really did become predictable and lost my interest so much so, that I sped read through all the scenes in books 2 and 3. The Dominant/Submissive relationship was irritating and those against the book would argue that it is shocking to have this glorified in writing BUT fair play to E.L James, she did acknowledge and reiterate throughout the books that this was not what the (annoying) heroine initially expected or felt was "normal".
As a young teenager, with regards to books, I was very lucky to have 3 things at my disposal;
- A voracious appetite for reading
- A monthly allowance from the age of 13
- A magical book store within a few hundred yards of my home (it was a large "Martins" and was opened by the Dr Who of the time - Tom Baker!!!!!)
I was in heaven - I guess in this day and age I would be labelled a "Goth" or "EMO" because I did read a lot of books on what could be considered quite dark subject matters - Dennis Wheatley - devil worship etc, James Herbert - chiller/horror, and who could forget Leslie Thomas - "Arthur McCann and all his Women" ! Along with many other books on the Occult - several books on Cults as well as the absolute classics like Pride & Prejudice, general kids books and many of Shakespeare's plays !
The great thing about books, unlike films, is that there is very little censorship - so although most of these books were definitely adult reads - I began reading them from aged 13 onwards. Thankfully, my parents had absolute faith that I would NOT believe everything I read (probably because they had brought us up well grounded and with the ability to have an open-mind combined with some common sense), hence leaving me strongly opinionated but hopefully, also broad minded around some aspects of life !!!!!!
I am happy to openly admit that some of the sexual scenes would be a bit of a turn on - including those of a certain sacrificial nature (cue the Devil Rides Out) BUT I am not daft enough to consider that I should try it all out (lemmings and cliffs come to mind here) ........ which seems to be the issue many of the "Haters" have against this book .... that some vulnerable people will be caught up in the kind of "dysfunctional sexual relationship" that the book describes between its main characters.
Hello ........ THE BOOK IS NOT THE CAUSE OF THEIR VULNERABILITY !!!
I do sympathise that there are many vulnerable children, teenagers and adults out there who may read the book and be influenced .... but this book clearly indicates that where there is a choice, it is fine AND - where there is not a choice - that is NOT fine (the heroine knees one of the sleazy characters in the balls !)
The reason I mention my previous reading habits is that, my thoughts on this are, that the better informed you are - the more likely you will choose what you think is right for you.
As a teenager, I also read a very sweet, reasonably innocent but equally erotic book titled "15" (by Beverley Clearley, I believe) . I am sure this book is probably extremely dated now but it and the author have stuck in my mind, even though I first read it at aged 15 and probably only twice afterwards at an equally young age. It was pitched exactly right for me - possibly a little steamy for some of its readership but it was all about fairly innocent ....... first, sexual experiences .... and that resonated with me .... that felt right for me.
I personally have no issue with those who choose an alternative sexual lifestyle - my mantra is that you cannot comment unless you have tried it/directly experienced it or at least kept an open mind about what it entails.
The book talks about food a lot so lets have a food analogy - I have never eaten an oyster - I have no desire to eat an oyster as I have a strong gag reflex, do not like the look or the smell of oysters.
I cannot say "I hate oysters" - I don't know, I have never eaten one .... but I have kept an open mind and kept informed and choose not to try them. HOWEVER - even if I did try one and disliked it - it does not mean that I could shout about it and try to put everyone else off trying them, assuming everyone will dislike them - it's all down to personal choice and that ..... I think .... is why the book has become so talked about.
It certainly isn't about the quality writing (sorry E.L. James - it's not quality ... but then I couldn't have written it at all so I am not overly critical !).
I just think it has had it's success due to both excellent marketing AND due to it's foray into a world that is rarely written about, for the general public, thereby offering a "choice" that many may not be really aware of!
I confess that, had she not bought all 3 books out at once, I would not have bothered to have read the 2nd & 3rd books after a period of time - it really is a "forgettable" book (other than the now famous marketing and that I have blogged about it LOL !)
But she did and I was keen to discover more about where the storyline was going and even about the characters (frustrating as they are!)
If I were to give a critical review, it would be to say that she could have kept it to one book, cut out 90 percent of the sex scenes and built on the storyline (though lets face it - one book would not have made her as much money !)
The plot is not bad .... taken from bits of many different classic and popular culture stories; Twilight saga, Wuthering Heights, 9 and a half Weeks (Micky Rourke & Kim Basinger - the eating scene at the fridge for those old enough to remember that one!) Pride & Prejudice - quite frankly too many to mention - even Pretty Woman .....
In fact my recommendation to E.L James would be to copyright Mr Christian Grey, hire a GOOD ghost writer and then do a psychological thriller/chiller on HIS story - the story of him as a child or how his mother came to be who she was - of her Pimp - oh the things that a writer like Harlan Coban http://www.harlancoben.com/ , Stephen Leather http://www.stephenleather.com/ or James Patterson http://www.jamespatterson.com/ could do with that storyline ............ expanding on Mr Grey's early traumatic childhood
Now THAT ...... would be a book I would enjoy reading !!!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Recalling fun times in the rain!
I am LOVING this sunshine - Can't get enough of summer !
The drawback is that I don't get a lot done ..... I guess that's cos I'm too happy to sit in the sun and read a book (only been off work 4 days and finished my first book on Tuesday LOL)
But there are lots of days with summer weather where the occasional shower can be very refreshing when it is as hot as this, or has been for sometime.
A few summers ago, probably about 10 years, we had a long(ish) stretch of very hot days - I remember the kids all enjoying the little blow-up swimming pool we had then ... and them playing with their super soaker's (water pistols) just to keep each other cool - this was one of their favourite summer pastimes!
So ..... on that basis and ....... figuring that they LOVE to get wet ..... I reckon that their labelling of me as a terrible mother, for a particular incident, was a trifle unfair ! .................
They were still quite young - about aged 9, 11 and 13 so they still had their bedtimes and I was fairly strict with this - even in the Summer Holidays - as I believed then (and still do) that children need their sleep on a good regular basis (of course if there were special events or parties, then they would stay up) but at that time they were probably going to bed from between 8pm - 9pm (staggered according to age) and if it was the Hols I would have probably added another half hour!
It was well after these allotted bedtimes - nearing midnight - when the shower started.
It was one of those lovely light refreshing showers - the smell of the fresh rain on the dried earth was intoxicating and as it was such a warm night - I just stood outside and soaked it up ....... and then .... I thought of the children ... and how they would LOVE this!
So I raced up the stairs and quickly but gently woke them all up - not giving them an explanation - just saying they needed to get up ... for an adventure !!
They were all in their PJ's and I rushed them downstairs and out into the conservatory....
Then I SHOVED them all outside and locked the door ......... giggling as I did this !!!
Perhaps I should have been done for child cruelty ......but after the initial shock (more about the fact that I had locked them out) they laughed .... and danced ... and drank up the atmosphere .... Dan took off his PJ's top and they even ran out onto the wet grass.
This only lasted a few minutes - maybe just 10 or 15 - but they still remember that night!
I have no idea what I did with them afterwards - did I send them straight back to bed? - did let them stay up a little longer? (after all it was my fault they were now wide awake) .... I don't know .... and it doesn't matter.
What matters is that THAT night they had lots of fun - in a different way ...... and I still giggle on a hot sunny day ... waiting for the shower !
The drawback is that I don't get a lot done ..... I guess that's cos I'm too happy to sit in the sun and read a book (only been off work 4 days and finished my first book on Tuesday LOL)
But there are lots of days with summer weather where the occasional shower can be very refreshing when it is as hot as this, or has been for sometime.
A few summers ago, probably about 10 years, we had a long(ish) stretch of very hot days - I remember the kids all enjoying the little blow-up swimming pool we had then ... and them playing with their super soaker's (water pistols) just to keep each other cool - this was one of their favourite summer pastimes!
So ..... on that basis and ....... figuring that they LOVE to get wet ..... I reckon that their labelling of me as a terrible mother, for a particular incident, was a trifle unfair ! .................
They were still quite young - about aged 9, 11 and 13 so they still had their bedtimes and I was fairly strict with this - even in the Summer Holidays - as I believed then (and still do) that children need their sleep on a good regular basis (of course if there were special events or parties, then they would stay up) but at that time they were probably going to bed from between 8pm - 9pm (staggered according to age) and if it was the Hols I would have probably added another half hour!
It was well after these allotted bedtimes - nearing midnight - when the shower started.
It was one of those lovely light refreshing showers - the smell of the fresh rain on the dried earth was intoxicating and as it was such a warm night - I just stood outside and soaked it up ....... and then .... I thought of the children ... and how they would LOVE this!
So I raced up the stairs and quickly but gently woke them all up - not giving them an explanation - just saying they needed to get up ... for an adventure !!
They were all in their PJ's and I rushed them downstairs and out into the conservatory....
Then I SHOVED them all outside and locked the door ......... giggling as I did this !!!
Perhaps I should have been done for child cruelty ......but after the initial shock (more about the fact that I had locked them out) they laughed .... and danced ... and drank up the atmosphere .... Dan took off his PJ's top and they even ran out onto the wet grass.
This only lasted a few minutes - maybe just 10 or 15 - but they still remember that night!
I have no idea what I did with them afterwards - did I send them straight back to bed? - did let them stay up a little longer? (after all it was my fault they were now wide awake) .... I don't know .... and it doesn't matter.
What matters is that THAT night they had lots of fun - in a different way ...... and I still giggle on a hot sunny day ... waiting for the shower !
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
An apology to Bedford River Festival
The start of the School holidays has been brilliant. I work term time only so the 6 week Summer Holidays are great. My last full working week finished on Friday ..... and then the sun came out !!!
We had friends coming over for the weekend and it was the Bedford River Festival weekend, so I had mentioned this to our friends and we considered popping down to the Festival ....especially as I had good memories of all the River Festivals I had been to in the past.
My initial plan was that we could go there on the Saturday night to see the illuminated boats and then watch the fireworks.
However, that plan was soon scuppered !
Of course ... Greg had decided to smoke some meat for our dinner, so initially the excuse was that we could not leave the smoker (and I have to admit the smoked pork was delicious). We sat and ate and dank in the sunshine in the early evening, just enjoying the moment.
This meant that .... through eating and DRINKING .... the Delinquent Annoying Husbandz were then pretty mashed and within an hour they were making excuses NOT to leave the garden!
"We can't drive ...we've had too much to drink!" ......... " We can't walk it - it's too far" .......... "A taxi will cost a fortune" .... etc.. etc..
It did not help that Greg's son and my nephew both turned up at ours and mentioned that there were LOADS of people - (to me that makes part of the atmosphere) and although they both said they enjoyed it - this was also a good excuse for the boys/men to not go to the crowds.
Reluctantly I relented - on the condition that, as we were missing the boat parade and the fireworks, we should go on the Sunday afternoon to see the raft race.
The rest of the evening was spent very pleasantly sitting in the garden ..... and then the conservatory as it got cooler!!
Sunday morning I was up reasonably early - keen to get everyone going (I knew it would take a while to kick start those with hangovers!) I was trying to persuade everyone to walk up but did acknowledge that this would take us about 40 minutes and we had an 8 year old with us so that would have been a challenge.
After about an hour of debate (yes honestly ... an hour) with me suggesting a couple of us drive and park at Gina's (only a 20 minute walk) the boys (men) finally decided that they didn't want to walk at all (probably due to hangovers) and ordered an 8 seater taxi so that we could be dropped off at the bridge !
We were duly dropped off ...and then began ...Greg's mission !!!
This mission was unbeknown to us at the start ...... however it became apparent after about half an hour of walking ....He steered us all to one side of the river (the side that had a few less stalls) and just KEPT walking ...passing most of the attractions and stalls as quickly as possible. My friend and I had to keep calling to get him to stop so we could actually LOOK at the displays and then ... the penny dropped - as we went into the craft stall area he stated that he and her husband would find the beer tent !
However, that was not his full mission - my friend and I checked out a few stalls and caught up with them but then they almost speed walked to get to "the end". We reached the end of one side of the river and crossed over the bridge to the other side ... racing through further stalls and avoiding even more !!!
It finally dawned on me that actually ..... Greg's mission was to just "get through this" as he could not cope with the crowds ......oh yes ... he can cope with a field full and crowded with like-minded bikers at the international super rally BUT ... NOT ..... your average family !
We effectively "ran away" from the River Festival !
What probably made me even angrier was that once we got to the High Street end of the river, Greg "frogmarched" us to a pub at the other far end of the High Street for us to sit outside at the front to "watch the world go by"
ARGGHHH !!
Could we not have done that in Russell Park with Beer or Pimms, listening to the music ..... or sitting by the side of the river watching the Raft Race ??? Beer was freely available with several beer tents dotted around and there were loads of spaces to just sit and chill ... but no .... this was not my DAH's "thing"
So - Bedford River Festival - I am sure you were great - spectacular in fact - and several of my friends posted brilliant pics and comments on Facebook that made me a tad jealous.
However, the rest of the day was spent chilling in my garden and enjoying the sunshine, so not wasted .......
AND the moral of this tale is ..... in 2 years time - for the next Bedford River Festival - I'M GOING ON MY OWN !!!
We had friends coming over for the weekend and it was the Bedford River Festival weekend, so I had mentioned this to our friends and we considered popping down to the Festival ....especially as I had good memories of all the River Festivals I had been to in the past.
My initial plan was that we could go there on the Saturday night to see the illuminated boats and then watch the fireworks.
However, that plan was soon scuppered !
Of course ... Greg had decided to smoke some meat for our dinner, so initially the excuse was that we could not leave the smoker (and I have to admit the smoked pork was delicious). We sat and ate and dank in the sunshine in the early evening, just enjoying the moment.
This meant that .... through eating and DRINKING .... the Delinquent Annoying Husbandz were then pretty mashed and within an hour they were making excuses NOT to leave the garden!
"We can't drive ...we've had too much to drink!" ......... " We can't walk it - it's too far" .......... "A taxi will cost a fortune" .... etc.. etc..
It did not help that Greg's son and my nephew both turned up at ours and mentioned that there were LOADS of people - (to me that makes part of the atmosphere) and although they both said they enjoyed it - this was also a good excuse for the boys/men to not go to the crowds.
Reluctantly I relented - on the condition that, as we were missing the boat parade and the fireworks, we should go on the Sunday afternoon to see the raft race.
The rest of the evening was spent very pleasantly sitting in the garden ..... and then the conservatory as it got cooler!!
Sunday morning I was up reasonably early - keen to get everyone going (I knew it would take a while to kick start those with hangovers!) I was trying to persuade everyone to walk up but did acknowledge that this would take us about 40 minutes and we had an 8 year old with us so that would have been a challenge.
After about an hour of debate (yes honestly ... an hour) with me suggesting a couple of us drive and park at Gina's (only a 20 minute walk) the boys (men) finally decided that they didn't want to walk at all (probably due to hangovers) and ordered an 8 seater taxi so that we could be dropped off at the bridge !
We were duly dropped off ...and then began ...Greg's mission !!!
This mission was unbeknown to us at the start ...... however it became apparent after about half an hour of walking ....He steered us all to one side of the river (the side that had a few less stalls) and just KEPT walking ...passing most of the attractions and stalls as quickly as possible. My friend and I had to keep calling to get him to stop so we could actually LOOK at the displays and then ... the penny dropped - as we went into the craft stall area he stated that he and her husband would find the beer tent !
However, that was not his full mission - my friend and I checked out a few stalls and caught up with them but then they almost speed walked to get to "the end". We reached the end of one side of the river and crossed over the bridge to the other side ... racing through further stalls and avoiding even more !!!
It finally dawned on me that actually ..... Greg's mission was to just "get through this" as he could not cope with the crowds ......oh yes ... he can cope with a field full and crowded with like-minded bikers at the international super rally BUT ... NOT ..... your average family !
We effectively "ran away" from the River Festival !
What probably made me even angrier was that once we got to the High Street end of the river, Greg "frogmarched" us to a pub at the other far end of the High Street for us to sit outside at the front to "watch the world go by"
ARGGHHH !!
Could we not have done that in Russell Park with Beer or Pimms, listening to the music ..... or sitting by the side of the river watching the Raft Race ??? Beer was freely available with several beer tents dotted around and there were loads of spaces to just sit and chill ... but no .... this was not my DAH's "thing"
So - Bedford River Festival - I am sure you were great - spectacular in fact - and several of my friends posted brilliant pics and comments on Facebook that made me a tad jealous.
However, the rest of the day was spent chilling in my garden and enjoying the sunshine, so not wasted .......
AND the moral of this tale is ..... in 2 years time - for the next Bedford River Festival - I'M GOING ON MY OWN !!!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Busy Lives
This last month has been really hectic ..... busy busy busy ..... various events have happened that have kept me away from the blog .... yes ... I have neglected it.
Yet in hindsight, the busy, eventful periods of life are those when I really SHOULD be blogging .....It's a little like a diary ... a record of what's happening in our lives, but when we are really busy we don't have the time to record it .... although these events remain happy memories ...
Such as... the beautiful birth of my granddaughter. It was emotional and great to have another grandchild, and a granddaughter too! There is so much I could blog about that - but all very similar to when Kovu was born and full of the joy that a new baby brings to a family.
There has been the European Football - that we have all been glued to the seats with (and off the seats when we would score a goal !!)
Then the "Usuals" .... earlier on in June was Father's Day - we popped to see my Dad, Mark's Dad and went to the cemetery. This weekend has been the annual Family Party - a tradition held in honour originally for my Gran - all the family joined together for her 80th birthday over 20 years ago. Initially this was held at a local pub that had a large garden....... 60 + Chandler family members gathered together to wish her a happy birthday and, as we all enjoyed it so much, we carried this on, getting together every year to celebrate with her.
After her death we decided to continue meeting up once a year to keep in touch - as members of the family are scattered all over UK (and some abroad too!)
In 2006 (I think) the pub had a disaster ..... a fire started and engulfed much of the building just a couple of weeks prior to the party. As an emergency, and as everyone was already coming to Bedford, Mum suggested (or rather volunteered) our garden, and home made buffet food etc. This worked so well that since then, the party has been held here and has been just brilliant ! It takes a day or 2 for me to prepare, more than that for Mum and Dad to get the drinks and food sorted, a small committed group of lads (plus my sister-in-law and I) to set up a party tent and a couple of gazebos (yes ..... thankfully my garden IS that big) and then a day to recover and tidy up ...... although most people that come do alleviate the burden by getting the washing up out of the way ! As always, despite the rain, we all had a great time!
Of course another get together is one that I MUST dedicate a whole blog to soon ..... my Granada gang ...... friends who have been there through tick and thin ........ almost 30 years ........ and who, when we were all a lot younger, we would get together at weekends and party !!
Then, as a group, and individually, they held me up after Mark died.
Mark died on a Wednesday, so they started meeting up at mine every Wednesday to help me through the initial and toughest patch. Then it became once a month, varying the venue and being with others in the group as they needed support with different transitions in their lives. Now although we only get together 2 or 3 times a year,we do keep in touch through the magic of facebook and emails.
I will never be able to thank them enough for their friendship and all the memories we share together but will just continue to enjoy their friendship, even though we don't meet as frequently as before ......because of our busy lives !
Yet in hindsight, the busy, eventful periods of life are those when I really SHOULD be blogging .....It's a little like a diary ... a record of what's happening in our lives, but when we are really busy we don't have the time to record it .... although these events remain happy memories ...
Such as... the beautiful birth of my granddaughter. It was emotional and great to have another grandchild, and a granddaughter too! There is so much I could blog about that - but all very similar to when Kovu was born and full of the joy that a new baby brings to a family.
There has been the European Football - that we have all been glued to the seats with (and off the seats when we would score a goal !!)
Then the "Usuals" .... earlier on in June was Father's Day - we popped to see my Dad, Mark's Dad and went to the cemetery. This weekend has been the annual Family Party - a tradition held in honour originally for my Gran - all the family joined together for her 80th birthday over 20 years ago. Initially this was held at a local pub that had a large garden....... 60 + Chandler family members gathered together to wish her a happy birthday and, as we all enjoyed it so much, we carried this on, getting together every year to celebrate with her.
After her death we decided to continue meeting up once a year to keep in touch - as members of the family are scattered all over UK (and some abroad too!)
In 2006 (I think) the pub had a disaster ..... a fire started and engulfed much of the building just a couple of weeks prior to the party. As an emergency, and as everyone was already coming to Bedford, Mum suggested (or rather volunteered) our garden, and home made buffet food etc. This worked so well that since then, the party has been held here and has been just brilliant ! It takes a day or 2 for me to prepare, more than that for Mum and Dad to get the drinks and food sorted, a small committed group of lads (plus my sister-in-law and I) to set up a party tent and a couple of gazebos (yes ..... thankfully my garden IS that big) and then a day to recover and tidy up ...... although most people that come do alleviate the burden by getting the washing up out of the way ! As always, despite the rain, we all had a great time!
Of course another get together is one that I MUST dedicate a whole blog to soon ..... my Granada gang ...... friends who have been there through tick and thin ........ almost 30 years ........ and who, when we were all a lot younger, we would get together at weekends and party !!
Then, as a group, and individually, they held me up after Mark died.
Mark died on a Wednesday, so they started meeting up at mine every Wednesday to help me through the initial and toughest patch. Then it became once a month, varying the venue and being with others in the group as they needed support with different transitions in their lives. Now although we only get together 2 or 3 times a year,we do keep in touch through the magic of facebook and emails.
I will never be able to thank them enough for their friendship and all the memories we share together but will just continue to enjoy their friendship, even though we don't meet as frequently as before ......because of our busy lives !
Saturday, June 9, 2012
"Daddy Moment"
Yesterday evening Dan had a "Daddy Moment" ..... but it was one with a bit of a surprise twist !
The family occasionally still get "Daddy Moments" (well - that title is reserved for Jess, Gina & Dan) so rather "Mark Moments" for the rest of us ! These are not always sad or tearful, sometimes they can be a happy memory... not always an actual memory... but usually something about Mark that we feel the need to share.
Dan was having a couple of drinks with his best buddy (Kieran) and for some reason they and Greg were having a discussion about death - I am not sure if it was about death or dying itself, or how their conversation took place and evolved but, suffice to say, Dan came in a few minutes after this conversation and just announced to me that he (& Kieran) thought I was amazing for all that I had gone through and done and yet managed to keep him and his sisters on "the right track".
I was dumbstruck .... very touched .......
Now I do know that any 19 year old lad who may have had a drink - will often declare their love for everyone ... but honestly .... he was not that drunk yet he felt it was important enough to come in from the garage to let me know how he felt - with some genuine emotion in his voice.
Of course that set me off - a poignant moment between Mother and Son.
I reminded him that many people were involved with us during their childhood and that without family and friends supporting us we may not have been as fortunate as we are but he reiterated that ultimately the responsibility for their upbringing was mine and that even though I had learned my parenting skills from my parents - in my children's situation, I was the Mum AND the DAD !
He said - it is only as he gets older, that he is realising how hard that must have been - even though many people have to go through something similar with divorce - for most, the father is still alive and around in some aspects, but this was not for him or his sisters.
So, I humbly accepted his acknowledgement, hugged him ............. and saved my tears of pride in him, for when he had gone back out!
The family occasionally still get "Daddy Moments" (well - that title is reserved for Jess, Gina & Dan) so rather "Mark Moments" for the rest of us ! These are not always sad or tearful, sometimes they can be a happy memory... not always an actual memory... but usually something about Mark that we feel the need to share.
Dan was having a couple of drinks with his best buddy (Kieran) and for some reason they and Greg were having a discussion about death - I am not sure if it was about death or dying itself, or how their conversation took place and evolved but, suffice to say, Dan came in a few minutes after this conversation and just announced to me that he (& Kieran) thought I was amazing for all that I had gone through and done and yet managed to keep him and his sisters on "the right track".
I was dumbstruck .... very touched .......
Now I do know that any 19 year old lad who may have had a drink - will often declare their love for everyone ... but honestly .... he was not that drunk yet he felt it was important enough to come in from the garage to let me know how he felt - with some genuine emotion in his voice.
Of course that set me off - a poignant moment between Mother and Son.
I reminded him that many people were involved with us during their childhood and that without family and friends supporting us we may not have been as fortunate as we are but he reiterated that ultimately the responsibility for their upbringing was mine and that even though I had learned my parenting skills from my parents - in my children's situation, I was the Mum AND the DAD !
He said - it is only as he gets older, that he is realising how hard that must have been - even though many people have to go through something similar with divorce - for most, the father is still alive and around in some aspects, but this was not for him or his sisters.
So, I humbly accepted his acknowledgement, hugged him ............. and saved my tears of pride in him, for when he had gone back out!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Nature vs Nurture & psychopathic children !
I mentioned in my previous blog that we sat down, as a family, over the weekend to watch a film. It was a slightly weird film, titled "We Need to Talk about Kevin".
Actually, it was brilliant - unexpected in its delivery and really made us all think about what we would do ... or how we would possibly handle the situation that the mother found herself in.
I won't go into the detail about the film but today I stumbled upon this story - very closely linked to the film scenario;
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2155489/Is-child-psychopath-Its-common-think--spot-danger-signs-young-three.html?ITO=1490
Now ... I am no expert ..... but I do agree that there are some very strong indicators that a child may have "issues" that need to be addressed, from an early age.
Many children will have periods when they seem to be behaving badly or just "acting up" - certainly the terrible two's comes to mind ! Siblings will inevitably fight tooth and nail over possessions, arguments, or just .... "Because..." BUT I am sure there are signs that give clues about potential problems later on in a child's life ..... if not looked at and dealt with in early childhood.
This is where the wonderful argument of nature versus nurture comes in. I believe a child does have certain genetic or innate tendencies but these can be altered, diminished, amended or positive traits encouraged ..... according to the child's upbringing, HOWEVER, I also believe that sometimes ...... nothing will change !
Without going into too much detail - I know of a "black sheep" in someone's family. Admittedly he was adopted, so he may have been born with some mental health issues, I don't know ........ but suffice to say - as a child - he stole, he showed little remorse if he hurt anyone (he used to pick on my little brother) and eventually, as an adult he committed a major crime.
My mother had voiced her opinion that he had psychopathic traits - that she could see in him from a very early age .... and practically predicted when he was just 5 years old, what eventually transpired many years later ... !
So although it is great to see that scientists are finding evidence to back up some "common sense" feelings - SOME people seem to have been able to predict this all along - for many, many years.
For now, the hope is, that the chances of overcoming the problems that some children may face in later life, are definitely increased with this sort of research !
Actually, it was brilliant - unexpected in its delivery and really made us all think about what we would do ... or how we would possibly handle the situation that the mother found herself in.
I won't go into the detail about the film but today I stumbled upon this story - very closely linked to the film scenario;
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2155489/Is-child-psychopath-Its-common-think--spot-danger-signs-young-three.html?ITO=1490
Now ... I am no expert ..... but I do agree that there are some very strong indicators that a child may have "issues" that need to be addressed, from an early age.
Many children will have periods when they seem to be behaving badly or just "acting up" - certainly the terrible two's comes to mind ! Siblings will inevitably fight tooth and nail over possessions, arguments, or just .... "Because..." BUT I am sure there are signs that give clues about potential problems later on in a child's life ..... if not looked at and dealt with in early childhood.
This is where the wonderful argument of nature versus nurture comes in. I believe a child does have certain genetic or innate tendencies but these can be altered, diminished, amended or positive traits encouraged ..... according to the child's upbringing, HOWEVER, I also believe that sometimes ...... nothing will change !
Without going into too much detail - I know of a "black sheep" in someone's family. Admittedly he was adopted, so he may have been born with some mental health issues, I don't know ........ but suffice to say - as a child - he stole, he showed little remorse if he hurt anyone (he used to pick on my little brother) and eventually, as an adult he committed a major crime.
My mother had voiced her opinion that he had psychopathic traits - that she could see in him from a very early age .... and practically predicted when he was just 5 years old, what eventually transpired many years later ... !
So although it is great to see that scientists are finding evidence to back up some "common sense" feelings - SOME people seem to have been able to predict this all along - for many, many years.
For now, the hope is, that the chances of overcoming the problems that some children may face in later life, are definitely increased with this sort of research !
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Diamond Jubilee
I know .... there will be many posts blogged about the Jubilee, but I have had such a good long weekend (despite the weather) I felt I just had to blog about it.
Our celebrations began a little sooner than most, Greg came back early from the SuperRally - on Tuesday rather than Thursday - so we went out to eat that night - which sort of set the tone for the next few days !!!
Wednesday morning I had breakfast in bed ......... and on Thursday too !
Friday at work was a chilled day, with red, white and blue decorated fairy cakes for all ..... and then the party started Friday night with drinks at Fish n Chips !!
Saturday ....... yes ...... more food ...... breakfast in bed AGAIN !! (I do love my DAH!!) Then the preparation for the Street Party ...........
Now I was not sure about the Street Party initially ..... there are a couple of my neighbours who don't exactly see eye to eye with us ....... but we decided to bite the bullet and attend and bury the hatchet if needed. We originally volunteered to do a BBQ but had discovered that there were 2 of us doing BBQ's so Greg suggested we could do something a little different ..... smoked meat ..... this suggestion was welcomed - and so he started smoking the meat that afternoon (it takes about 10 hours to smoke a joint of pork the size we had bought !)
Sunday arrived - what a disappointment the weather was ..... we were not to be downhearted though ..... with TRUE British spirit we rallied round - by 9.30am the bunting was going up and because of the weather, gazebos and a huge party tent had been found and set up across 2 front lawns of neighbours at the top of the street - the only concession to the weather - the party became a front lawn party !!
Greg pulled over the smoker with the pork nearly ready BUT then ..... we were informed that the family who had said they were bringing the BBQ could not make it ..... so could we possibly provide our BBQ and burgers & sausages too ?!
That was all it needed for my Delinquent Annoying Husband to be in his absolute element (those who know him will understand)..... able to do both BBQ AND Smoker and feel needed!!! ...... To have an excuse not to be sociable as he was cooking, although in fact he is at his MOST sociable when he is cooking !
We braved the weather - wearing several layers (Jess had 5 layers on!) .... Jumpers, coats, even gloves !!! (except Kieran's Mum ..... who must be made of steel in her vest top and light cardi !)
We sat on wet chairs ..... we regularly pushed the top sides of the gazebos to let the excess rain water out ..... we disappeared at irregular intervals only to come back out of our houses with steaming mugs of coffee to keep us warm instead of booze ..... we drank ...... my DAH drank ...... we ate ....... we ate again ...... and then ..... in the early evening the curries and chilli came out ........ we chatted and .......... we DID bury the hatchet - with the one set of neighbours that were there with whom we had a disagreement with !! (the other neighbour did not attend so we did not have to go there ... it was hard enough with one set LOL !)
Yes ..... the Sunday Jubilee Street Party was a success ..... it did end a little earlier than hoped but ONLY because we were all in danger of catching hypothermia .... so all back indoors by 9pm instead of 11pm (or later as had been hoped if the boys had carried on drinking on a warm summer evening!)
Monday was equally good - a chilled day at home with the kids all arriving ready for a few games of cards and Cluedo !!! Followed by a good film (actually the choice of film was not the best but it kept us entertained on a wet, drizzly day) AND to end the day off - all gathered round the box for the Jubilee Concert - with a serious boost of national pride PLUS a magical mystery tour to try to find one of the local beacons lit ..... they had been put out by midnight but the car trip was worth it !!!!
So to the last day - Tuesday ..... we were unbelievably lazy - we didn't get up till gone 10am - we popped to Homebase but all our good intentions for DIY and to give our home a bit of TLC soon went out the window ..... INSTEAD I went over to see Gina, then Jess, Kieran & Brad came over to ours & chilled with Greg .... and we watched some more of the Jubilee celebrations on TV ......
BUT then ..... isn't that what this long weekend has been all about - family, friends and community!!!
SO Thank you, your Majesty, for 60 committed years to GB and for the opportunity to just GET TOGETHER and chill !
Our celebrations began a little sooner than most, Greg came back early from the SuperRally - on Tuesday rather than Thursday - so we went out to eat that night - which sort of set the tone for the next few days !!!
Wednesday morning I had breakfast in bed ......... and on Thursday too !
Friday at work was a chilled day, with red, white and blue decorated fairy cakes for all ..... and then the party started Friday night with drinks at Fish n Chips !!
Saturday ....... yes ...... more food ...... breakfast in bed AGAIN !! (I do love my DAH!!) Then the preparation for the Street Party ...........
Now I was not sure about the Street Party initially ..... there are a couple of my neighbours who don't exactly see eye to eye with us ....... but we decided to bite the bullet and attend and bury the hatchet if needed. We originally volunteered to do a BBQ but had discovered that there were 2 of us doing BBQ's so Greg suggested we could do something a little different ..... smoked meat ..... this suggestion was welcomed - and so he started smoking the meat that afternoon (it takes about 10 hours to smoke a joint of pork the size we had bought !)
Sunday arrived - what a disappointment the weather was ..... we were not to be downhearted though ..... with TRUE British spirit we rallied round - by 9.30am the bunting was going up and because of the weather, gazebos and a huge party tent had been found and set up across 2 front lawns of neighbours at the top of the street - the only concession to the weather - the party became a front lawn party !!
Greg pulled over the smoker with the pork nearly ready BUT then ..... we were informed that the family who had said they were bringing the BBQ could not make it ..... so could we possibly provide our BBQ and burgers & sausages too ?!
That was all it needed for my Delinquent Annoying Husband to be in his absolute element (those who know him will understand)..... able to do both BBQ AND Smoker and feel needed!!! ...... To have an excuse not to be sociable as he was cooking, although in fact he is at his MOST sociable when he is cooking !
We braved the weather - wearing several layers (Jess had 5 layers on!) .... Jumpers, coats, even gloves !!! (except Kieran's Mum ..... who must be made of steel in her vest top and light cardi !)
We sat on wet chairs ..... we regularly pushed the top sides of the gazebos to let the excess rain water out ..... we disappeared at irregular intervals only to come back out of our houses with steaming mugs of coffee to keep us warm instead of booze ..... we drank ...... my DAH drank ...... we ate ....... we ate again ...... and then ..... in the early evening the curries and chilli came out ........ we chatted and .......... we DID bury the hatchet - with the one set of neighbours that were there with whom we had a disagreement with !! (the other neighbour did not attend so we did not have to go there ... it was hard enough with one set LOL !)
Yes ..... the Sunday Jubilee Street Party was a success ..... it did end a little earlier than hoped but ONLY because we were all in danger of catching hypothermia .... so all back indoors by 9pm instead of 11pm (or later as had been hoped if the boys had carried on drinking on a warm summer evening!)
Monday was equally good - a chilled day at home with the kids all arriving ready for a few games of cards and Cluedo !!! Followed by a good film (actually the choice of film was not the best but it kept us entertained on a wet, drizzly day) AND to end the day off - all gathered round the box for the Jubilee Concert - with a serious boost of national pride PLUS a magical mystery tour to try to find one of the local beacons lit ..... they had been put out by midnight but the car trip was worth it !!!!
So to the last day - Tuesday ..... we were unbelievably lazy - we didn't get up till gone 10am - we popped to Homebase but all our good intentions for DIY and to give our home a bit of TLC soon went out the window ..... INSTEAD I went over to see Gina, then Jess, Kieran & Brad came over to ours & chilled with Greg .... and we watched some more of the Jubilee celebrations on TV ......
BUT then ..... isn't that what this long weekend has been all about - family, friends and community!!!
SO Thank you, your Majesty, for 60 committed years to GB and for the opportunity to just GET TOGETHER and chill !
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