Tomorrow will be 19 years since Mark died ........ 19 YEARS !
As I have posted before ... of course life goes on but I am definitely having a bit of a down day today. I will be spending tomorrow with my children & grandchildren .... we will do something fun ..... and be happy and sad and remember him with love.
Soon after he died my Mum told me something a friend had told her, when his daughter died .... I had known of the prayer below for many years but this friend put it in words that really hit home ....
It doesn't matter what you do - you can Scream. Shout. Rant. Rave. Kick the door (or the cat). Cry. Weep uncontrollably. Be angry. ........
None of that will make a blind bit of difference .... you may have to do these things to keep some sanity within your grief ..... but ultimately ... ULTIMATELY ..... you have to ACCEPT that this person you loved is dead, gone ..... not coming back.
If you have a faith, then of course you will believe you will be in their presence again someday ... but as of right now - their time on earth is done.
Once you can find that acceptance - brutal as it is - THEN you can carry on - still taking your grief with you, accepting that you may cry at times even after 9/19/29 years .... but you can live life again.
You cannot change death - so accept it ........
I, like many others, was moved to tears as Gary Barlow showed tremendous strength of character as he sang his heart out on Saturday night.
I do not know how it feels to lose a child and will not even try to comment ..... but I do know that at Mark's funeral ..... I could not sing the hymns I so desperately wanted to sing for him.
I leaned over to my Mum and said that I couldn't do it .... so could she sing for me .... believe me, a hard ask, as she was already holding me up and upset herself. At that request however, she falteringly began and bravely choked out a verse ...... I repeatedly look back and realise how much strength that took.
So on Saturday night I twittered, along with hundreds of others, about how brilliant I thought it was that Gary had managed to sing such an emotional song at such a tragic time for him and his family ....
One of the others who tweeted was Jason Manford (a comedian) and perhaps, because he is also a public figure ..... some of the responses to his tweet, attacking Gary Barlow were just awful.......is it ignorance, maliciousness, or just plain lack of compassion ........ I wish I knew ..... but Jason wrote a fantastic response that equally had me in tears.
I felt strongly enough that I wanted my blog to share it ..........
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jason-manford/the-gary-barlow-tragedy-and-internet-idiots/10151995627430696
Well said !
I am emotional ....... yes I know I am often a tad too emotional but honestly .... I am genuinely sad that the Olympics is coming to an end !
In my youth I used to watch a bit of sport ... mainly due to my sports fanatic boyfriend/fiancée/husband BUT even then, I rarely got excited unless it was the Rugby or we (England/GB) were in with a chance of winning.
I recall watching a few events at various Olympics in the 80's and 90's but cannot recall watching ANY of the more recent ones - even with some good results from team GB. I had absolutely no idea what medals we came home with after the last Olympics (Beijing I believe - see -- not even sure where it was held !!)
SO ... this Olympics has been such a revelation ....... I have shouted ... no screamed at the telly ..... I have jumped out of my chair cheering Team GB on (Mo Farah !) ..... I have cried with Victoria Pendleton, Shanaze Reade and others at their near misses ....... I have been amazed and impressed at the New Zealand Hockey player who came back on to play after a massive bash to her head from a Dutch player's hockey stick and I have held back the lump in my throat of sheer pride for so many of our youngsters - Laura Trott, Nicola Adams, Anthony Joshua and of course Tom Daley to mention just a few.
Yes, I caught Olympic fever in a big way and it came as a complete surprise to me.
Maybe it is because I have been able to watch it all, as I am on the 6 week school holiday. Maybe it is because it is being held in UK. Maybe it has been the good "marketing" or perhaps just that the whole thing started of brilliantly with the excellent Opening Ceremony ...........
Whatever the reason ..... I don't know ..... but I am sad that it is nearly over .... kicking myself for not trying to get tickets and genuinely proud to be British ......even ... (yes I am gonna say it) ... happy that my taxes have gone towards funding this fabulous event.
I am thoroughly looking forward to the Closing Ceremony tonight and then the Paralympics ..... and hope that will help wean me off gently.
Will I get as involved for Rio in 4 years time? ... Who knows .... but I certainly have a new found respect for these wonderful athletes and hope, like many others are, that they become the new role models for a generation !
