A few weeks ago I went for a coffee with an old friend (not old as in age !!). We had a lovely catch up and reminisced about a fabulous charitable organisation that, although I believe is still in existence in some smaller sense, it does not do many of the activities it used to.
This charity used to provide a crèche facility - this crèche had a 2 fold purpose. First was to provide "work experience" for adults with learning difficulties. The other was to provide a crèche facility for children for about 3 hours, including lunch, for an unbelievably good price !!!
This was an absolute godsend to me - seriously - I was 29 with 3 very young children and struggling with sleepless nights, very little breaks (although friends and family were brilliant) and still grieving. I was living off Widowed Mothers Allowance and still lived in a one-bedroomed flat - I needed to breathe .......... and ... even though friends and family were fantastically supportive ... I also needed to feel that I could do it on my own.
The crèche looked after Gina and Dan for 2 afternoons a week (I think ...... although my memory is not brilliant for around that period of time??). Jess was at school - so I had time to myself - I went swimming - it was so good for me - genuinely therapeutic - or I would use the time to get some housework done without 2 toddlers clamouring for attention ... or go shopping without 3 extra voices asking for things that were just out of price range !
It also provided another listening ear.
The manager (I am not sure if that was her title), who I now call my friend and who was the friend I was having coffee with - would always have the time (goodness knows how) to listen - to never judge - and to just empathise. I actually told her she should go into bereavement counselling.
I do not take anything away from the support I received from family and friends - they really were fantastic and must have got sick of hearing me grieve with them (I know they were grieving too) - my parents, brothers, sisters-in laws, friends etc would patiently let me get issues out of my system ...... but the manager was slightly different - she was a professional and she was external - she didn't have that bond that links friends and family and "obliges" you to provide that support.
She was there (unbeknown to her and them) to actually give my supporters a break - so not only did I get the physical break but they did too - I could offload some of that day's problems to her and then be able to have a conversation with family and friends that did not just revolve around my grief, or theirs, at the time!
In later years I have discovered that she also seems to know lots of the people I am working with now - because of course she worked in the children, families, social care and charitable sector.
But I still say her true calling could well lay in bereavement or other counselling - sometimes we are born with the gift of listening - sometimes it develops in us - but I think, for her, it is innate, natural, it came without her seeming to try.
So if you are reading this Virginia ........ think about it again ...and thank you !
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Buses, choices, opportunities, dilemmas !!
OK ... so ...... after 3/4 months unemployed ... I now have options.
Why oh why do opportunities all come at once - they are like Buses - you wait for ages for one and then 3 come together !!!!!
I am trying to be very practical about this - "a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush" I have done my list of pros and cons and am going to follow my head and ...... up until yesterday .... my heart. I have chosen and hope that it will prove to be the right choice.
I have 7 potential opportunities. YES honestly - SEVEN. One is a given and self employed, but will take me another month or two to prepare and to go through a process ..... so I can pretty much dismiss that one. Another 2 further possibilities have not even yet been properly advertised and so may not come to fruition ..... so realistically I cannot count on them and I will pass on both of them. This leaves 4 options with only 3 confirmed.
Of the 3 confirmed - One, I am thoroughly enjoying at the moment but it is not one of my areas of strengths, so am not sure of the longevity of it. One, I can sadly dismiss, a nice opportunity but it is not enough hours.
The third is THE ONE that I had been looking forward to, hoping for ..... and have been offered today! I would have been over the moon with this ................................. if another opportunity had not presented itself yesterday !!!!
Don't get me wrong - I actually am still over the moon with my offer, it really is my "dream" hours and a nice position however, at this point in time, for a fixed term only.
It is this 4th opportunity that presented my dilemma. It is a really great position and one that will probably not arise again for me in the near future, if ever again ! BUT it will mean going back to full time work .... good money ..... less time ..... AND of course - I have no idea if I would be accepted or not. It has not even got to interview stage !
SO - using my head ... and I guess really my heart ..... telling me time is just as important as money - I am happy to announce that I am back in employment - and not just casual work ....................
Well ..... for a fixed term anyway !
Why oh why do opportunities all come at once - they are like Buses - you wait for ages for one and then 3 come together !!!!!
I am trying to be very practical about this - "a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush" I have done my list of pros and cons and am going to follow my head and ...... up until yesterday .... my heart. I have chosen and hope that it will prove to be the right choice.
I have 7 potential opportunities. YES honestly - SEVEN. One is a given and self employed, but will take me another month or two to prepare and to go through a process ..... so I can pretty much dismiss that one. Another 2 further possibilities have not even yet been properly advertised and so may not come to fruition ..... so realistically I cannot count on them and I will pass on both of them. This leaves 4 options with only 3 confirmed.
Of the 3 confirmed - One, I am thoroughly enjoying at the moment but it is not one of my areas of strengths, so am not sure of the longevity of it. One, I can sadly dismiss, a nice opportunity but it is not enough hours.
The third is THE ONE that I had been looking forward to, hoping for ..... and have been offered today! I would have been over the moon with this ................................. if another opportunity had not presented itself yesterday !!!!
Don't get me wrong - I actually am still over the moon with my offer, it really is my "dream" hours and a nice position however, at this point in time, for a fixed term only.
It is this 4th opportunity that presented my dilemma. It is a really great position and one that will probably not arise again for me in the near future, if ever again ! BUT it will mean going back to full time work .... good money ..... less time ..... AND of course - I have no idea if I would be accepted or not. It has not even got to interview stage !
SO - using my head ... and I guess really my heart ..... telling me time is just as important as money - I am happy to announce that I am back in employment - and not just casual work ....................
Well ..... for a fixed term anyway !
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Acronyms and My DAH
Hello all!
Sorry it has been over a week since my last blog - I have had a busy week and went away for the weekend for my hubby's birthday.
Now that I am a Nana, I have looked on a few websites and web forums for information for my daughter. During some of these searches, I had noticed that a there are some web forums that seem to be quite "clicky" - everyone appears to know each other fairly well and they even have their own language.
Now ........ it has taken me several years to suss the kids' "language" and I am quite proud of the fact that I have kept up with some of it - including new acronyms such as LOL and BTW and WTF which I use quite happily (well maybe not the last one very often!).
So ..... when logging on to a particular site I was dismayed to find it filled with various acronyms ... that were completely new to me ...... yes I am ageing !!
The best by far was SAH Mums - translated as Stay At Home Mums. I loved it ... and hated it at the same time!
My concern was that any new Mum logging on to the site may actually be a little intimidated by the "cosy" familiar tones between those who very obviously use the forums a lot. Those new Mums may not stick around to find out about the acronyms used.
NOW please don't get me wrong - I am all for these forums that can be equally really helpful and reassuring for Mums who may feel isolated at home or those who may not have close contact with parents or friends living nearby BUT there was also a "judgemental" feeling in a couple of posts I checked out - almost as if parenting and motherhood was a competition.
IT ISN'T! .............................. I was put off.
I was also inspired to bequeath to my husband (with the help of my friend who we visited this weekend) his own acronym - none of this SAHM or even SAHD ..... nope he (along with my friend's husband) are now our very own DAH's
Delinquent Annoying Husbands!
WE love them dearly and boy ... did we have a good partying weekend but yes - neither of them have grown up (they are men - they don't need to LOL). I live in the reality that comes with age, where we have dismissed the rose tinted glasses but still love them as they are !!!!
As for the web forums ..... take it from someone who has sometimes made the mistake of being too quick to judge - keep up the good work but be mindful of newbies - help them feel welcome and don't compete with your child's progress or "judge" those whose children may not have reached the specific milestones at the "right" times ..... just be happy that you all have something in common - a love of your family and the ability and opportunity to connect to others through the wonder of the world wide web!
Sorry it has been over a week since my last blog - I have had a busy week and went away for the weekend for my hubby's birthday.
Now that I am a Nana, I have looked on a few websites and web forums for information for my daughter. During some of these searches, I had noticed that a there are some web forums that seem to be quite "clicky" - everyone appears to know each other fairly well and they even have their own language.
Now ........ it has taken me several years to suss the kids' "language" and I am quite proud of the fact that I have kept up with some of it - including new acronyms such as LOL and BTW and WTF which I use quite happily (well maybe not the last one very often!).
So ..... when logging on to a particular site I was dismayed to find it filled with various acronyms ... that were completely new to me ...... yes I am ageing !!
The best by far was SAH Mums - translated as Stay At Home Mums. I loved it ... and hated it at the same time!
My concern was that any new Mum logging on to the site may actually be a little intimidated by the "cosy" familiar tones between those who very obviously use the forums a lot. Those new Mums may not stick around to find out about the acronyms used.
NOW please don't get me wrong - I am all for these forums that can be equally really helpful and reassuring for Mums who may feel isolated at home or those who may not have close contact with parents or friends living nearby BUT there was also a "judgemental" feeling in a couple of posts I checked out - almost as if parenting and motherhood was a competition.
IT ISN'T! .............................. I was put off.
I was also inspired to bequeath to my husband (with the help of my friend who we visited this weekend) his own acronym - none of this SAHM or even SAHD ..... nope he (along with my friend's husband) are now our very own DAH's
Delinquent Annoying Husbands!
WE love them dearly and boy ... did we have a good partying weekend but yes - neither of them have grown up (they are men - they don't need to LOL). I live in the reality that comes with age, where we have dismissed the rose tinted glasses but still love them as they are !!!!
As for the web forums ..... take it from someone who has sometimes made the mistake of being too quick to judge - keep up the good work but be mindful of newbies - help them feel welcome and don't compete with your child's progress or "judge" those whose children may not have reached the specific milestones at the "right" times ..... just be happy that you all have something in common - a love of your family and the ability and opportunity to connect to others through the wonder of the world wide web!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)