Yesterday evening Dan had a "Daddy Moment" ..... but it was one with a bit of a surprise twist !
The family occasionally still get "Daddy Moments" (well - that title is reserved for Jess, Gina & Dan) so rather "Mark Moments" for the rest of us ! These are not always sad or tearful, sometimes they can be a happy memory... not always an actual memory... but usually something about Mark that we feel the need to share.
Dan was having a couple of drinks with his best buddy (Kieran) and for some reason they and Greg were having a discussion about death - I am not sure if it was about death or dying itself, or how their conversation took place and evolved but, suffice to say, Dan came in a few minutes after this conversation and just announced to me that he (& Kieran) thought I was amazing for all that I had gone through and done and yet managed to keep him and his sisters on "the right track".
I was dumbstruck .... very touched .......
Now I do know that any 19 year old lad who may have had a drink - will often declare their love for everyone ... but honestly .... he was not that drunk yet he felt it was important enough to come in from the garage to let me know how he felt - with some genuine emotion in his voice.
Of course that set me off - a poignant moment between Mother and Son.
I reminded him that many people were involved with us during their childhood and that without family and friends supporting us we may not have been as fortunate as we are but he reiterated that ultimately the responsibility for their upbringing was mine and that even though I had learned my parenting skills from my parents - in my children's situation, I was the Mum AND the DAD !
He said - it is only as he gets older, that he is realising how hard that must have been - even though many people have to go through something similar with divorce - for most, the father is still alive and around in some aspects, but this was not for him or his sisters.
So, I humbly accepted his acknowledgement, hugged him ............. and saved my tears of pride in him, for when he had gone back out!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Nature vs Nurture & psychopathic children !
I mentioned in my previous blog that we sat down, as a family, over the weekend to watch a film. It was a slightly weird film, titled "We Need to Talk about Kevin".
Actually, it was brilliant - unexpected in its delivery and really made us all think about what we would do ... or how we would possibly handle the situation that the mother found herself in.
I won't go into the detail about the film but today I stumbled upon this story - very closely linked to the film scenario;
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2155489/Is-child-psychopath-Its-common-think--spot-danger-signs-young-three.html?ITO=1490
Now ... I am no expert ..... but I do agree that there are some very strong indicators that a child may have "issues" that need to be addressed, from an early age.
Many children will have periods when they seem to be behaving badly or just "acting up" - certainly the terrible two's comes to mind ! Siblings will inevitably fight tooth and nail over possessions, arguments, or just .... "Because..." BUT I am sure there are signs that give clues about potential problems later on in a child's life ..... if not looked at and dealt with in early childhood.
This is where the wonderful argument of nature versus nurture comes in. I believe a child does have certain genetic or innate tendencies but these can be altered, diminished, amended or positive traits encouraged ..... according to the child's upbringing, HOWEVER, I also believe that sometimes ...... nothing will change !
Without going into too much detail - I know of a "black sheep" in someone's family. Admittedly he was adopted, so he may have been born with some mental health issues, I don't know ........ but suffice to say - as a child - he stole, he showed little remorse if he hurt anyone (he used to pick on my little brother) and eventually, as an adult he committed a major crime.
My mother had voiced her opinion that he had psychopathic traits - that she could see in him from a very early age .... and practically predicted when he was just 5 years old, what eventually transpired many years later ... !
So although it is great to see that scientists are finding evidence to back up some "common sense" feelings - SOME people seem to have been able to predict this all along - for many, many years.
For now, the hope is, that the chances of overcoming the problems that some children may face in later life, are definitely increased with this sort of research !
Actually, it was brilliant - unexpected in its delivery and really made us all think about what we would do ... or how we would possibly handle the situation that the mother found herself in.
I won't go into the detail about the film but today I stumbled upon this story - very closely linked to the film scenario;
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2155489/Is-child-psychopath-Its-common-think--spot-danger-signs-young-three.html?ITO=1490
Now ... I am no expert ..... but I do agree that there are some very strong indicators that a child may have "issues" that need to be addressed, from an early age.
Many children will have periods when they seem to be behaving badly or just "acting up" - certainly the terrible two's comes to mind ! Siblings will inevitably fight tooth and nail over possessions, arguments, or just .... "Because..." BUT I am sure there are signs that give clues about potential problems later on in a child's life ..... if not looked at and dealt with in early childhood.
This is where the wonderful argument of nature versus nurture comes in. I believe a child does have certain genetic or innate tendencies but these can be altered, diminished, amended or positive traits encouraged ..... according to the child's upbringing, HOWEVER, I also believe that sometimes ...... nothing will change !
Without going into too much detail - I know of a "black sheep" in someone's family. Admittedly he was adopted, so he may have been born with some mental health issues, I don't know ........ but suffice to say - as a child - he stole, he showed little remorse if he hurt anyone (he used to pick on my little brother) and eventually, as an adult he committed a major crime.
My mother had voiced her opinion that he had psychopathic traits - that she could see in him from a very early age .... and practically predicted when he was just 5 years old, what eventually transpired many years later ... !
So although it is great to see that scientists are finding evidence to back up some "common sense" feelings - SOME people seem to have been able to predict this all along - for many, many years.
For now, the hope is, that the chances of overcoming the problems that some children may face in later life, are definitely increased with this sort of research !
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Diamond Jubilee
I know .... there will be many posts blogged about the Jubilee, but I have had such a good long weekend (despite the weather) I felt I just had to blog about it.
Our celebrations began a little sooner than most, Greg came back early from the SuperRally - on Tuesday rather than Thursday - so we went out to eat that night - which sort of set the tone for the next few days !!!
Wednesday morning I had breakfast in bed ......... and on Thursday too !
Friday at work was a chilled day, with red, white and blue decorated fairy cakes for all ..... and then the party started Friday night with drinks at Fish n Chips !!
Saturday ....... yes ...... more food ...... breakfast in bed AGAIN !! (I do love my DAH!!) Then the preparation for the Street Party ...........
Now I was not sure about the Street Party initially ..... there are a couple of my neighbours who don't exactly see eye to eye with us ....... but we decided to bite the bullet and attend and bury the hatchet if needed. We originally volunteered to do a BBQ but had discovered that there were 2 of us doing BBQ's so Greg suggested we could do something a little different ..... smoked meat ..... this suggestion was welcomed - and so he started smoking the meat that afternoon (it takes about 10 hours to smoke a joint of pork the size we had bought !)
Sunday arrived - what a disappointment the weather was ..... we were not to be downhearted though ..... with TRUE British spirit we rallied round - by 9.30am the bunting was going up and because of the weather, gazebos and a huge party tent had been found and set up across 2 front lawns of neighbours at the top of the street - the only concession to the weather - the party became a front lawn party !!
Greg pulled over the smoker with the pork nearly ready BUT then ..... we were informed that the family who had said they were bringing the BBQ could not make it ..... so could we possibly provide our BBQ and burgers & sausages too ?!
That was all it needed for my Delinquent Annoying Husband to be in his absolute element (those who know him will understand)..... able to do both BBQ AND Smoker and feel needed!!! ...... To have an excuse not to be sociable as he was cooking, although in fact he is at his MOST sociable when he is cooking !
We braved the weather - wearing several layers (Jess had 5 layers on!) .... Jumpers, coats, even gloves !!! (except Kieran's Mum ..... who must be made of steel in her vest top and light cardi !)
We sat on wet chairs ..... we regularly pushed the top sides of the gazebos to let the excess rain water out ..... we disappeared at irregular intervals only to come back out of our houses with steaming mugs of coffee to keep us warm instead of booze ..... we drank ...... my DAH drank ...... we ate ....... we ate again ...... and then ..... in the early evening the curries and chilli came out ........ we chatted and .......... we DID bury the hatchet - with the one set of neighbours that were there with whom we had a disagreement with !! (the other neighbour did not attend so we did not have to go there ... it was hard enough with one set LOL !)
Yes ..... the Sunday Jubilee Street Party was a success ..... it did end a little earlier than hoped but ONLY because we were all in danger of catching hypothermia .... so all back indoors by 9pm instead of 11pm (or later as had been hoped if the boys had carried on drinking on a warm summer evening!)
Monday was equally good - a chilled day at home with the kids all arriving ready for a few games of cards and Cluedo !!! Followed by a good film (actually the choice of film was not the best but it kept us entertained on a wet, drizzly day) AND to end the day off - all gathered round the box for the Jubilee Concert - with a serious boost of national pride PLUS a magical mystery tour to try to find one of the local beacons lit ..... they had been put out by midnight but the car trip was worth it !!!!
So to the last day - Tuesday ..... we were unbelievably lazy - we didn't get up till gone 10am - we popped to Homebase but all our good intentions for DIY and to give our home a bit of TLC soon went out the window ..... INSTEAD I went over to see Gina, then Jess, Kieran & Brad came over to ours & chilled with Greg .... and we watched some more of the Jubilee celebrations on TV ......
BUT then ..... isn't that what this long weekend has been all about - family, friends and community!!!
SO Thank you, your Majesty, for 60 committed years to GB and for the opportunity to just GET TOGETHER and chill !
Our celebrations began a little sooner than most, Greg came back early from the SuperRally - on Tuesday rather than Thursday - so we went out to eat that night - which sort of set the tone for the next few days !!!
Wednesday morning I had breakfast in bed ......... and on Thursday too !
Friday at work was a chilled day, with red, white and blue decorated fairy cakes for all ..... and then the party started Friday night with drinks at Fish n Chips !!
Saturday ....... yes ...... more food ...... breakfast in bed AGAIN !! (I do love my DAH!!) Then the preparation for the Street Party ...........
Now I was not sure about the Street Party initially ..... there are a couple of my neighbours who don't exactly see eye to eye with us ....... but we decided to bite the bullet and attend and bury the hatchet if needed. We originally volunteered to do a BBQ but had discovered that there were 2 of us doing BBQ's so Greg suggested we could do something a little different ..... smoked meat ..... this suggestion was welcomed - and so he started smoking the meat that afternoon (it takes about 10 hours to smoke a joint of pork the size we had bought !)
Sunday arrived - what a disappointment the weather was ..... we were not to be downhearted though ..... with TRUE British spirit we rallied round - by 9.30am the bunting was going up and because of the weather, gazebos and a huge party tent had been found and set up across 2 front lawns of neighbours at the top of the street - the only concession to the weather - the party became a front lawn party !!
Greg pulled over the smoker with the pork nearly ready BUT then ..... we were informed that the family who had said they were bringing the BBQ could not make it ..... so could we possibly provide our BBQ and burgers & sausages too ?!
That was all it needed for my Delinquent Annoying Husband to be in his absolute element (those who know him will understand)..... able to do both BBQ AND Smoker and feel needed!!! ...... To have an excuse not to be sociable as he was cooking, although in fact he is at his MOST sociable when he is cooking !
We braved the weather - wearing several layers (Jess had 5 layers on!) .... Jumpers, coats, even gloves !!! (except Kieran's Mum ..... who must be made of steel in her vest top and light cardi !)
We sat on wet chairs ..... we regularly pushed the top sides of the gazebos to let the excess rain water out ..... we disappeared at irregular intervals only to come back out of our houses with steaming mugs of coffee to keep us warm instead of booze ..... we drank ...... my DAH drank ...... we ate ....... we ate again ...... and then ..... in the early evening the curries and chilli came out ........ we chatted and .......... we DID bury the hatchet - with the one set of neighbours that were there with whom we had a disagreement with !! (the other neighbour did not attend so we did not have to go there ... it was hard enough with one set LOL !)
Yes ..... the Sunday Jubilee Street Party was a success ..... it did end a little earlier than hoped but ONLY because we were all in danger of catching hypothermia .... so all back indoors by 9pm instead of 11pm (or later as had been hoped if the boys had carried on drinking on a warm summer evening!)
Monday was equally good - a chilled day at home with the kids all arriving ready for a few games of cards and Cluedo !!! Followed by a good film (actually the choice of film was not the best but it kept us entertained on a wet, drizzly day) AND to end the day off - all gathered round the box for the Jubilee Concert - with a serious boost of national pride PLUS a magical mystery tour to try to find one of the local beacons lit ..... they had been put out by midnight but the car trip was worth it !!!!
So to the last day - Tuesday ..... we were unbelievably lazy - we didn't get up till gone 10am - we popped to Homebase but all our good intentions for DIY and to give our home a bit of TLC soon went out the window ..... INSTEAD I went over to see Gina, then Jess, Kieran & Brad came over to ours & chilled with Greg .... and we watched some more of the Jubilee celebrations on TV ......
BUT then ..... isn't that what this long weekend has been all about - family, friends and community!!!
SO Thank you, your Majesty, for 60 committed years to GB and for the opportunity to just GET TOGETHER and chill !
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